


The Rodney Factor

by flewintotheice



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, M/M, Multi, Threesomes, feels all over the place, sooooo much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-19
Updated: 2013-02-19
Packaged: 2017-11-29 20:46:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 73,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/691271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flewintotheice/pseuds/flewintotheice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes one person to pull together several others into what would become the strongest family unit of the Stargate Program</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rodney Factor

**Author's Note:**

> When I published this story in 2005/2006, it was, to that date, my longest story every written. It clocks in at just over 73k words. Originally 25 chapters, I've put them all together in one story. You can still find the story divided into chapters over at Wrathbait under the author puddle_jumper if I remember correctly. I haven't uploaded stories to there in a long, long time.
> 
> Enjoy and let me know what you think. thanks.

Daniel Jackson was dead and all Rodney McKay could think of was that he’d just lost his entire world. Jack O’Neil had managed to get him back to his apartment but then he’d been a little worried at leaving Rodney alone. He had, after all, promised Daniel that he’d look after Rodney. All around the apartment were constant reminders of Daniel. Pictures on the walls hung alongside various degrees and other artifacts.

 

As if he knew what he would see if he allowed himself to stop and look, Rodney kept his head down and walked into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Jack watched him walk away and sighed heavily. While he had no idea what amount of grief Rodney was going through at the moment, Jack could sympathize. Like Rodney, Jack had loved Daniel Jackson but Daniel had fallen hard for the stubborn and arrogant McKay. Jack had always assumed it wouldn’t last; that Rodney was capable of really loving Daniel in return. Jack had certainly been proven wrong. He knew that now. He picked up a picture of Daniel and Rodney standing in front of a Stargate ring and let his thoughts wander to one of the last times he and Daniel had talked about Rodney…

 

*********************

 

_“You don’t know him, Jack! All you see is arrogance and an attitude. You don’t see or know the real Rodney.” Jack watched Daniel pacing his office and almost smiled. Almost. Daniel was at his best whenever he was defending someone he cared about. Jack had once seen that same display towards himself before Daniel had met and fallen for Rodney McKay._

_“I’m not saying I know him, Daniel. I know what I’ve heard about him and I don’t want to see you get hurt!” Daniel stopped pacing and met Jack’s gaze evenly._

_“He won’t hurt me, Jack. He is not capable of hurting me.” Jack sighed heavily as Daniel walked over and knelt down so that he could look Jack in the eyes. “He loves me, Jack and I am very much in love with him. Please, be happy for me. Be happy for us.” Jack rested his hands on Daniel’s arms._

_“I am happy for you, Daniel; for both of you. I only want what’s best.” Daniel smiled up at him and Jack felt as if something inside of his heart were breaking._

_“Rodney is the best thing for me now, Jack. We’ve already picked out an apartment and we’re moving there next weekend. Maybe when everything is unpacked and settled, you’ll come have dinner with us. It’ll give you a chance to get to know him better.” Jack smiled and nodded, releasing his hold on Daniel and letting him stand._

_“I’ll plan on that, Daniel. Now, go on and get out of here. You’re off duty for the next couple of days. Go pull McKay out of his labs and enjoy your days off together.” Daniel gave him a beautiful smile and Jack knew he’d said all the right things yet again. “I’ll see you in a couple of days.”_

_“All right, Jack. Stay out of trouble till I get back, okay?” Jack nodded and Daniel walked out of his office, letting the door close quietly behind him…_

********************************

 

Three weeks later, Daniel returned from a mission in the country of Colona on 4C3 after being exposed to high and lethal doses of radiation. It was Jack who’d had to inform Rodney of what had happened and it hadn’t been a very pleasant phone call. Rodney had listened to Jack, had then yelled and railed at the Colonel, and had then hung up on him. Twenty minutes later, Jack found Rodney in Daniel’s room, sitting next to the bed, reading to him. Daniel’s eyes were closed and Rodney’s eyes were red-rimmed and half closed as he looked down into the book he held, reading quietly. It was only then that Jack truly realized what Daniel had meant to Rodney McKay and just how much of his life Rodney would lose with Daniel’s death.

 

Now, sitting here in the apartment that Rodney and Daniel had shared for the past several months, Jack wondered how Rodney was going to deal with Daniel’s death. He walked to the bedroom door and listened for a moment before opening the door and walking into the bedroom. Rodney was curled up on his side on the large bed, his eyes closed, half dried tear tracks on his face. His breathing was stable and slow, which told Jack that he had cried himself to sleep. Jack pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat down, prepared to wait for Rodney to wake once more and then help him figure out what would happen next.

 

*****************

_Rodney dreamed of wide-open spaces, of fields lined with high grass and covered by blue skies, of a Stargate in the distance, and of Daniel Jackson at his side. But it wasn’t so much of a dream as it was a memory. A month before Daniel’s death, he and Rodney had been exploring off-world and had come across a beautiful field just at sunset and had decided that this would be the perfect place for them to make one of the most important decisions of their lives._

_“Should we do this here, now, or should we tell the others and let them be a witness to this for us?” Daniel asked Rodney quietly as they lay on a blanket in the grass. Rodney lay on his back and Daniel lay so that his head rested in the hollow of Rodney’s shoulder and his arm draped over Rodney’s chest. Rodney’s arm was wrapped around Daniel and his fingers played up and down along Daniel’s arm._

_“They’re mostly your friends, Daniel, but whatever you want to do is fine by me. I’m only doing this for you. You are the most important part of my life. I just want to make you happy.” Daniel leaned up so that he could look into Rodney’s blue eyes, eyes that he had loved ever since the first moment he’d met Rodney McKay._

_“You make me happy, Rodney. No one has ever made me happier.” Rodney smiled at him and pulled him down, kissing him softly, his fingers sliding through Daniel’s hair as he did so. The kiss was lazy and long, as most of them were, and it was nice. Neither one of them wanted it to end. Daniel slid alongside Rodney, his hands moving across Rodney’s chest. There was more on his mind than just kissing his lover. Rodney chuckled softly as they broke the kiss._

_“Something on your mind, Dr. Jackson?” Daniel grinned and Rodney felt his chest tighten at that smile._

_“You’ll find out soon enough.” Daniel moved again so that he was now just above Rodney and began kissing along the side of his neck. Rodney let his hands slide along Daniel’s sides and down to the bottom of his shirt before sliding up beneath the material to feel the smoothness of Daniel’s back beneath his fingers. Daniel’s path took him from Rodney’s neck to his chest, his own hands pushing at Rodney’s shirt. Rodney lifted slightly and Daniel pushed the shirt up and began kissing Rodney’s chest, flicking his tongue against a sensitive nipple in the process. Rodney’s fingers tightened against Daniel’s back and he gasped involuntarily. Daniel chuckled against Rodney’s skin and the warmth of his breath lit a fire within Rodney’s body. Rodney closed his eyes, savoring the feel of Daniel in his arms…_

_His eyes shot open at the sound of a Stargate activation. He was no longer lying in the field; he was standing in the SGC gate room at Cheyenne Mountain. He looked around and found Daniel walking towards him as the Stargate continued dialing._

_“This didn’t happen,” Rodney said quietly. Daniel nodded and came to a stop next to him._

_“I know it didn’t, Rodney, but this isn’t memory anymore.” The dialing sequence ended and the puddle exploded then returned to its typical blue substance. Out of the Stargate stepped Jack O’Neil, dressed casually in blue jeans, t-shirt and hiking boots. Rodney had forgotten how gray Jack’s hair had gotten over the past year or so since they’d first met. Jack walked to Rodney and Daniel, looking every bit as confused as Rodney._

_“Daniel?”_

_“Jack. Good to see you again so soon.” Jack looked from Daniel to Rodney then back to Daniel again._

_“What’s going on?” Daniel sighed heavily._

_“I need to tie up some ends. I needed to make sure some things were said before I was gone for good.” Rodney felt himself choke back a sob at those words and Daniel reached out and rested his hand on Rodney’s arm, his eyes meeting Rodney’s. “I need you – both of you – to understand something important.” Rodney nodded as Daniel looked back at Jack. “I love you both so very much. It might not have been the same type of love, but you were both very important to me, to my life, to my heart, to my soul. Leaving the two of you is the hardest thing I’ll ever do, I’m afraid. I wish it didn’t have to be like this, but this is my path. I can’t change it.”_

_“Some Ancients come back…” Rodney said quietly, but Daniel slowly shook his head._

_“I can’t, Rodney. I’ve already done more than I should have done.” He looked at Jack slowly. “I need you to promise me that you will watch out for him.” Jack looked at Rodney and then back at Daniel and nodded slowly._

_“Whatever it takes, Danny,” he answered softly. Daniel let go of Rodney and stepped towards Jack, pulling the older man into his arms, hugging him tightly._

_“Thanks, Jack.” He stepped back and gave Jack and wary grin. “Stay out of trouble, all right?”_

_“You know me,” Jack answered. Daniel nodded and turned back to Rodney._

_“I love you, Rodney. Don’t ever doubt that in the days to come. And, no matter where your future takes you, no matter what you feel in your heart, you could never betray what we had.” Rodney frowned for a moment, not sure of what that meant, but then it was gone and the Stargate had re-activated once more. “It’s time,” Daniel whispered, just before he kissed Rodney gently. “I love you.”_

_“Love you, Daniel,” Rodney whispered in return. Daniel smiled softly at him, slid his fingers down the side of Rodney’s face then turned and walked into the Stargate…_

*****************

 

Rodney McKay opened his eyes slowly and turned to his side to find Jack O’Neil sitting by his bed, his own eyes now open, tears falling down his face in silence. Rodney felt his own tears trailing down his face and wanted nothing more than to just close up around himself and die. Jack must have seen it in his eyes because he reached out and took Rodney’s hand in his own, squeezing it tightly.

 

“No matter what, McKay, I’ll be here.” Rodney nodded and closed his eyes once more. Jack waited until he was sure Rodney was asleep then crawled into the bed next to him and fell asleep, holding Rodney’s arm across his chest. Rodney was Daniel’s and Jack would take care of him because Daniel had asked; because, in the end, Daniel had said he’d loved Jack just as he’d loved Rodney. 

 

***********************************************************************

 

“Rodney.”

 

“Go. Away.”

 

“Come on, Rodney.”

 

“I said go away.”

 

“Yes, and how many times have you said it before in which I have actually listened?”

 

Silence.

 

“Rodney?”

 

More silence.

 

“McKay, either you come out or I’m coming in. Either way, I’m not going away.”

 

“Fine!”

 

“Now, Rodney. We’re going to be late.”

 

“Yes, well, if we don’t go then it just means we can say it hasn’t happened.”

 

“You know that’s not the way it works, McKay. I wish to whatever gods we believed in that it did work that way, but you and I both know that it doesn’t. Now, please, come out, let’s go and get this over with, and then I promise you we can leave as soon as is politely possible.”

 

“Fine.” The sound of a lock turning finally allowed Jack to breathe a sigh of relief he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. The door opened slowly and Jack took in the sight of Rodney McKay in a black suit with a charcoal gray dress shirt and a tie just a shade darker to match. If the day itself weren’t so solemn, Jack would have been able to see something more than what was on display. But today wasn’t about what he felt for McKay or what Rodney felt for him. Today was about remembering Daniel; remembering the love Jack and Rodney had given and been given in return; it was about coming to terms and saying good-bye.

 

Rodney took in the sight of Jack O’Neil in front of him and felt some sense of peace radiating from the older man. Jack was dressed in standard military dress blues and Rodney wondered if, in another setting, such a sight would move him in other ways. But today was not about them; it was about Daniel. And so, Rodney stepped out of the bedroom and took a deep breath and Jack gave him a sad, yet understanding smile.

 

“We’ll both do him proud,” Jack said quietly. Rodney nodded and followed Jack out of the apartment, down the stairs, and into the waiting vehicle. The ride was made in relative silence as neither of them quite knew what to say or how. They wanted to get through this particular day first before either of them began planning for the next.

 

**************

 

The memorial service had been nice, Rodney decided as he stood just outside the gathering hall, waiting for Jack to finish up so they could leave. He had never realized just how loved and respected Daniel had been by these people he’d called his friends. Rodney had been fine, having listened to Jonas Quinn and Teal’c talk about Daniel. Personally, Rodney wanted Jonas’ head on a platter, but he knew Hammond would never give it to him. It was when Sam Carter had started talking about Daniel that Rodney began to feel the tears coming to the surface. And when Jack had gotten up and spoken, Rodney had felt his entire soul cracking right down the middle. He now knew what people meant when they said they’d lost half of their soul when a loved one had died. Rodney had lost that half of his soul and he knew he’d never get it back. Rodney, himself, had not spoken at the service. Both he and Jack and agreed that it would be best if Rodney kept his memories to himself. Not that the military could officially do anything to him, but unofficially, they could make it harder for him to work for the SGC. So, Rodney sat and listened to everyone speak about Daniel but in his heart he knew that no one had ever known the real Daniel Jackson.

 

Jack sighed heavily as he finally moved out of the meeting hall and into the hallway where Rodney was waiting for him. Jack knew that, if the memorial service had been hard on him, it had been even more so for Rodney, who couldn’t even speak of his life with Daniel. Jack didn’t like it, but he knew it was for the best. In order for him to watch out for McKay, he needed McKay to stay at SGC and he had a feeling that the SGC wouldn’t keep McKay around if they ever found out he’d had a relationship with Daniel Jackson. Jack turned to his left and found Rodney leaning against the wall waiting for him. Jack walked over and stopped next to him, watching him for a moment.

 

“Can we go now?” Rodney asked quietly. Jack nodded as Rodney pushed away from the wall.

 

“Yeah. We can go now.” Rodney nodded and they walked down the hallway and towards the main door that would lead outside. “What’s on your mind, McKay?”

 

“I didn’t realize what Daniel meant to everyone,” Rodney answered quietly. “We’d talked about actually making our relationship more… permanent. We were going to find someone willing to do a ceremony and have all of you there. I was selfish, I guess. I wanted Daniel all to myself, but he wanted everyone there so I was willing to go along with it to make him happy.” Jack nodded slowly as he pushed open the door and they walked out of the building and into the late afternoon air.

 

“It wasn’t you being selfish, McKay. There were times when Daniel and I would be in my office and I wouldn’t want to share him with anyone either. I use to love just watching him work. Watching him read through ancient texts and put together information. I hated sharing that with anyone else. It’s not being selfish. It’s realizing that you are comfortable with the person you’re with.” They approached the car and Rodney stopped, turning to look up at Jack.

 

“I don’t know where to go from here, Jack,” he admitted hesitantly. “Every room at Cheyenne is another memory of Daniel. Every time I go through a Stargate, I’ll be thinking about him. Every time I find a new artifact, I’ll want to show it to him, but he won’t be there to go over it with me. I’m not so sure I can continue on with SGC now that he’s gone.” Jack stepped forward and placed his hands on Rodney’s arms.

 

“Leaving will only be an admission of self-defeat, Rodney. You’re stronger than that. I know it. Daniel knew it. It’s why he tied up his loose ends like he did. He didn’t leave either of us alone. He left us with each other. That’s got to count for something, don’t you think?” Rodney thought on that for a moment then nodded slowly.

 

“You might have a point, Colonel,” he answered with a slight smile, for which Jack was grateful.

 

“Good. Now, get in the car and let’s go do one last thing for Daniel.” Rodney looked up at him with a slight frown.

 

“What might that be?”

 

“Go down to the nearest Starbucks and wallow in our memories over several large cups of coffee.” Rodney almost laughed.

 

“You’re on, Sir.”

 

_(Three Months Later)_

Rodney hated flying. He really did. His hands would clench at the sides of the seat and he would close his eyes as tightly as he possibly could when the plane would take off and again when it would land. He’d always been told that, once the plane took off, if you could count to sixty and nothing had happened, you were pretty much safe. Of course, Rodney also knew that, since 9/11, that wasn’t exactly true any longer but he tried not to dwell on that. Instead, he chose to dwell on the fact that in three and a half hours, he would be back home and Jack would be waiting for him.

 

Rodney smiled to himself. At the time of Daniel’s death, Rodney would have never believed it possible to find himself in another relationship that had the same depths and feelings that he’d had with Daniel. But then Jack had come into his life in ways he’d never imagined and Rodney had never felt so needed or wanted in so long. He knew Jack could never replace Daniel, could never love him the way Daniel had loved him, but that was okay with Rodney. Jack loved him in his own way. And oh… what a way it was, too.

 

“Sir?” Rodney opened his eyes to find a stewardess standing next to him. “Is everything okay?” Rodney frowned slightly. “You sounded like you might be getting sick.” Rodney stifled a chuckle. Ah, so the moan hadn’t just been in his mind at the thought of Jack loving him.

 

“Actually, I’m just fine. Thanks. Feel free to move about the cabin at your leisure.” The stewardess gave him a strange look then shook her head and walked off looking a little put out. Rodney shrugged. Not everyone got his sense of humor mixed with sarcasm. Jack understood. Hell, sometimes Jack was even more sarcastic than him. Rodney figured that was why he and Jack got on so well. Speaking of Jack… Rodney leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes once more. Three more hours… only three…

 

***************

 

Jack opened the door to the house and walked inside, dropping keys, hat and sunglasses onto the nearby table and closing the door behind him. The house wasn’t quite as neat as it had been three weeks ago when Rodney had left for Washington. Jack felt the need to get it back in order since Rodney would be home in… he looks at his watch… two and a half hours. Jack quickly set about picking up magazines and papers from the floor and re-organizing the desk and computer area that was typically Rodney’s workspace when he was home. He then moved into the kitchen, washed dishes, put up groceries and set out items he wanted to cook that night for dinner. Not many people knew this, but Jack O’Neil was a fairly good cook and Rodney enjoyed his cooking very much. Jack had insisted Rodney start working out with him and Jack’s next idea was to take Rodney to the shooting range and get him qualified. He hated the idea of Rodney going with them on off-world missions and not knowing how to defend himself.

 

Jack looked at his watch again. He was down to an hour and fifteen minutes. Damnit! He moved on to their bedroom and set about changing the sheets, vacuuming the floors and cleaning up the master bathroom. That left him with half an hour, so he took a quick shower, changed clothes and moved into the kitchen to start dinner. As he began his food preparations, he let his mind wander back over the past three months. While losing Daniel had changed him and made him harder on the inside, it had also left him with Rodney, whom Jack now could readily admit was someone he should have never taken for granted. He knew how much Daniel had loved Rodney and now he understood why. He only wished he could tell Daniel that he finally understood.

 

The front door opened and Jack grinned as he walked out of the kitchen to greet his lover. The smile quickly faded when Jack saw that it wasn’t Rodney who stood in his living room.

 

“General Hammond,” Jack said, wiping his hands on a towel that he then slung over his shoulder.  Hammond looked at him for a moment then nodded slightly.

 

“Jack.” He glanced around the house then looked back at Jack slowly. “Expecting someone else, perhaps?” Jack gave him a strange look then shook his head.

 

“Not really. Just a little surprised to see you in my living room is all, Sir. I wasn’t aware you had a key.”

 

“You left the door unlocked and I knocked four times.”

 

“Ah,” Jack said quietly. “Well, what can I do for you, Sir?” He ushered Hammond into the kitchen with him, knowing that, at any moment, Rodney was going to come through the door, unless he had the good sense to see the General’s vehicle and wait until it was gone.

 

“Well,” Hammond began as he sat down on a stool at the kitchen island, “I’ve been told that you have a very good working relationship with our resident genius, Dr. Rodney McKay.” Jack looked at him and nodded slowly.

 

“He’s been a great help to SG-1 since Dr. Jackson’s death,” Jack said quietly. Hammond nodded.

 

“Oh, I know he has. I’m glad you were able to talk him in to staying after Daniel’s death. He’s brought a great many ideas and theories about the Lost City. It’s been a pleasure having him a Cheyenne.” Jack frowned slightly.

 

“Is Dr. McKay going somewhere, Sir?” Hammond sighed heavily.

 

“Now, Jack, you know that I give you more leeway than I give to anyone else under my command. I let you cross lines and pass boundaries that I would bust most officers for crossing or passing. That being said, I want you to understand that none of this is my choice. This comes from much higher up than myself. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t even be here right now because I know you weren’t expecting me to walk through that door just now, were you?” Jack sighed heavily and shook his head, but said nothing. “Look, Jack. I’m not saying you’ll never see him again. With your rank and your job you do a lot of traveling and so will he.”

 

“Where, Sir?” Hammond sighed heavily and couldn’t bring himself to meet Jack’s eyes.

 

“Russia,” he answered quietly. Jack said nothing, just turned his back on the General and went back to his food preparations. “He leaves at the end of the week. I daresay he’ll have already been informed by the time he gets here this evening.” Jack nodded, but remained silent. Hammond stood slowly. “I really am sorry, Jack.” When Jack continued to remain silent, Hammond turned and walked out of the kitchen. Jack heard the front door open and close and felt his shoulders slump and smacked his hand down on the counter. He took a minute to calm himself, finished prepping the food, put it in the oven then opened a bottle of wine. He poured a glass for himself and another for Rodney, which he left on the island, then walked out on to the back balcony and sat down, watching as the sun began to set.

 

An hour later, Rodney walked through the front door to the smell of something wonderful coming from the kitchen. He set down his bags, his heart heavy with all that he’d been told upon his return, and walked into the kitchen to find a glass of wine on the island. He picked up the glass and turned to see the back of Jack’s form sitting on their balcony. He sighed heavily. Hammond must have already told him. Rodney walked out onto the balcony and perched on the arm of Jack’s chair, taking a sip of his wine as he did so.

 

“We still have a week together, Jack,” he said softly. “We are both on leave until Saturday, which is when I leave. Could we please not spend it like this, not talking to each other? Russia is a really cold place, or so I’ve been told.”

 

“You don’t even speak Russian,” Jack whispered, resting a hand on Rodney’s leg. Rodney reached down with his free hand and slid his fingers along Jack’s.

 

“I’m a genius, remember? I’ll pick it up easily.” Jack nodded slowly. “Whatever you’re cooking smells really good and really done. Want to eat out here tonight?”

 

“Whatever makes you happy, Rod,” Jack whispered before sliding out of the chair to stand. Rodney stayed perched on the arm of the chair and Jack turned, leaning down to kiss him softly, sliding one hand along the side of his neck as he did so. When he pulled back, he noticed that Rodney’s eyes were red-rimmed but he didn’t say anything about it. Instead, he just kissed him again.

 

************

 

Dishes were scattered around the kitchen, the lights were out, and music played on the stereo. The back door had been left open and Jack sat on the lounge chair his legs on either side of Rodney who leaned back against his chest. Jack’s wine glass was sitting on the table next to them and his arms were wrapped around Rodney, one hand sliding up and down Rodney’s arm. Rodney had his wine glass in his hand and the other hand resting on Jack’s. His head rested on Jack’s chest. They’d lit candles and set them on the balcony railings. The sky was clear and the stars were out in force along with a full moon. It couldn’t have been more perfect.

 

“Who is this group again?” Jack chuckled softly.

 

“Three Doors Down. This song is called Let Me Go.” Rodney turned slightly to look at Jack over his shoulder.

 

“You better not.” Jack grinned and kissed him softly.

 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Rodney turned back around and looked up into the night sky. “You know I’ll come visit you whenever I can.” Rodney nodded taking a sip from his wine glass.

 

“And I’ll come back home whenever I can.” Jack nodded and picked up his own glass. “I always told Daniel that we were so much safer because neither of us was military.” Jack sighed softly.

 

“I’m sorry, Rodney.” Rodney shook his head.

 

“I don’t blame you, Jack. I could never blame you. Hell, because of you I’m still here and in one piece. If you hadn’t stuck around, hadn’t talked me into staying, there’s no telling where I’d be or what I would have done.” Jack grimaced slightly at that remark because he’d often had nightmares of what would have happened to Rodney if he hadn’t stayed.

 

“I wish things could be different,” he whispered softly. “But I have this figured out, so just listen to me okay?” Rodney nodded as Jack took a sip from his own glass then set it down again. “I’m two years away from retirement. All I want is to make General, stay at that rank for one year and then retire. Once I’m out, you can leave SGC if you want, come home and we can make a life for ourselves here and no one will bother us.” Rodney sipped at his wine then set it down and turned so that he could look at Jack.

 

“You know as much as I do that SGC will never let either one of us go as long as we are of use to them. We both know way too much. It’s a nice ambition, though. I could be very happy living here with you, maybe finding a teaching position somewhere…” he sighed softly. “I know I haven’t told you this, but I’m glad Daniel came to us when he did. I’m glad he told me what he told me, because if he hadn’t, I wouldn’t be as comfortable with you as I am now. I wouldn’t have been able to feel anything for you because I would have seen it as a betrayal to Daniel.” Jack nodded slowly.

 

“You saying you love me, McKay?” Rodney chuckled softly.

 

“I’ve been saying that, Jack. You just haven’t been listening.” Jack leaned forward and kissed him and Rodney slid his arms around Jack, pulling him closer. Jack broke the kiss and met Rodney’s gaze.

 

“I’m listening now… and I’d rather continue this conversation in our bedroom.”

 

“Works for me,” Rodney answered, sliding away from Jack and standing, holding out his hand to Jack, who took it and pulled himself up to stand next to Rodney. He kissed him again, pulling him back into the house. Rodney kicked the door shut behind them and let himself be led into their bedroom. The back of his legs hit the end of the bed and Jack broke the kiss, pulling at Rodney’s shirt, popping at least two buttons as he did so. Rodney’s own hands went to Jack’s sweater, pulling it off of him and dropping it to the floor. Hands skimmed across smooth skin and scarred skin and they found themselves on the bed, Rodney beneath Jack, Jack kissing his way down Rodney’s chest, Rodney’s hands sliding up along Jack’s back. Jack’s hands moved to Rodney’s pants, pulling at them and Rodney lifted, letting Jack finish undressing him. Jack then raised to his knees and Rodney watched him shed his own pants felt his breath catch as he always did whenever he saw Jack naked before him.

 

Jack moved back over Rodney, kissing him as he did so, then moved down slowly, ever so slowly, and Rodney closed his eyes, hands clenching the sheets at his side as Jack’s mouth moved over him. He alternated between gasping and moaning under Jack’s attentions and when he came, he pushed Jack over and reciprocated. Jack never closed his eyes. He loved to watch Rodney, loved watching his hands, his mouth, his movements. Which is how he came; watching his lover move over him, watching those blue eyes raise up to meet his own and seeing all the love that Rodney held for him. In that moment, Jack felt something inside of him begin to crack and he closed his eyes against the tears that threatened to come. He felt Rodney sliding up alongside him and he opened his eyes and wrapped his arms around Rodney, drawing him down to kiss him, tasting himself as he slid his own tongue inside Rodney’s mouth; felt himself growing hard again, felt Rodney growing hard as well. He knew that their last week together would be very well spent indeed…

 

****************

 

Jack watched as Rodney boarded the plane that would take him to Russia. Being in the military had one advantage. It allowed Jack to walk Rodney to his gate and wait with him until it was time for Rodney to board his plane and leave this country for one so very far away. It also kept Jack from being able to do anything more than give Rodney a brief hug before he walked away. Jack watched him walk down the walkway until he was out of sight and then he walked to the large window and stood there, watching until the plane pulled away from the gate. He watched it move out onto the runway and then out of sight before turning and walking back towards the airport entrance. He walked outside and looked up as the plane took off and roared overhead. He reached his car and slid into the drivers seat, putting the key into the ignition and letting the car warm up. He turned on the radio and popped in the CD Rodney had left for him.

 

_I hope you’re doing fine out there without me_ _  
_ _‘Cause I’m not doing so good without you_ _  
_ _The things I thought you’d never know about me_ _  
_ _Were the things I guess you always understood_ _  
  
_ _So how could I have been so blind for all these years?_ _  
_ _Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,_ _  
_ _And living without you…_

_And everything I have in this world_ _  
_ _And all that I’ll ever be_ _  
_ _It could all fall down around me._ _  
_ _Just as long as I have you,_ _  
_ _Right here by me_

 

Jack let the tears come as he drove away from airport and back to the empty house that now waited for him. He’d lost so much in the last few months. He wasn’t sure he could take losing much more. He turned up the volume on the radio and let his mind wander to _his memories…_

_I can’t take another day without you_ _  
_ _‘Cause baby, I could never make it on my own_ _  
_ _I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you_ _  
_ _And to be back in your arms where I belong_ _  
  
_ _Sorry I can’t always find the words to say_ _  
_ _But everything I’ve ever known gets swept away_ _  
_ _Inside of your love…_ _  
  
_ _And everything I have in this world_ _  
_ _And all that I’ll ever be_ _  
_ _It could all fall down around me._ _  
_ _Just as long as I have you,_ _  
_ _Right here by me._ _  
  
_ _As the days grow long I see_ _  
_ _That time is standing still for me_ _  
_ _When you’re not here_ _  
  
_ _Sorry I can’t always find the words to say_ _  
_ _Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away_ _  
_ _Inside of your love_ _  
  
_ _And everything I have in this world_ _  
_ _And all that I’ll ever be_ _  
_ _It could all fall down around me._ _  
_ _Just as long as I have you,_ _  
_ _Right here by me._

It had to get easier, didn’t it? Jack pulled into the driveway and turned off the ignition, pulled the CD out of the player and leaned back in the seat. Gods knew it couldn’t get any harder…

 

 

_(Three months later in Russia)_

 

Rodney McKay walked through the long hallway of the command center that led to a secure area where the scientists lived. He was getting closer and closer to finding a full team of people that possessed the Ancient gene. He should have been happy. He should have been overjoyed. He should have been sarcastic and caustic and working happily in his labs.

 

Rodney McKay was anything but happy.

 

Jack had only been to see him once in the three months since he’d left the States. He knew Jack was busy, that the SGC was keeping him busy because Anubis was causing so damned much trouble left and right, but the fact of the matter was, Rodney missed Jack. There was no way around it. No, he wasn’t in love with Jack the way he’d been in love with Daniel, but Jack made him feel… alive. No one else seemed able to make Rodney feel that way anymore.

 

Except for the newest member of the science team… who wasn’t actually a scientist but a medical doctor.

 

A very cute Scottish medical doctor.

 

Dr. Carson Beckett had been in Russia for approximately forty-eight hours when he’d had the misfortune of literally running right into Rodney McKay, who’d been holding a piece of Ancient technology and had almost broken it at the time. Rodney had dropped the artifact and Carson had caught it before it had hit the ground. Before Rodney could yell at him, the damned thing had come to life and Rodney had lifted his gaze to meet that of a very confused Carson Beckett. In the weeks since then, Rodney had all but tied Beckett down in order to get him to help them learn more about Ancient technology.

 

Beckett hadn’t seemed to mind at all. In fact, Rodney had the impression that Carson might have even had a crush on him, but was wary about saying anything. So, earlier in the day, Rodney had invited Carson to have dinner with him later in the evening. Carson had quickly accepted and that had made Rodney smile.

 

It was the first time in weeks that anyone in the science department had seen Rodney smile…

 

********

 

_(Ra’s Pyramid – two months ago)_

 

“Oh he’s here. He’s definitely here. Trust me, he’s here. Son of a bitch. Hey, where are you? We’re only doing this because of you.” There was a brief flash of light and Daniel Jackson appeared before Jack O’Neil, Sam Carter and Jonas Quinn. Daniel turned to Jack.

 

“Jack, it’s here.” Sam took a step closer, not quite sure as to what is going on, unsure if what she was seeing was real or not.

 

“Daniel,” she said quietly. Daniel turned to face her and Jonas with a grim smile.

 

“Sam. Jonas.” Jonas nodded at him briefly.

 

“Dr. Jackson.” There was the sound of a brief explosion as the roof above them began to shake. Jack took a step towards Daniel even as he pointed towards the ceiling.

 

“You hear that?” he asked almost sarcastically, because of course Daniel would have heard the explosion and would have felt the pyramid begin to shake. Daniel sighed heavily.

 

“I can’t do anything about that, you know.” Jack shook his head and gave Daniel and angry glare.

 

“I don’t care. Do something or we walk. Right now…”

 

*******

 

_(Russia)_

“What was it like workin’ for them back in the States?” Rodney looked across the small table at Carson and smiled softly. They had finished dinner and were now sitting there, sharing a bottle of scotch, reminiscing.

 

“It was great,” Rodney began softly. “When I first went to work for the SGC, I started out working with an archaeologist named Daniel Jackson. He was amazing. He had this… gift for being able to talk about anything at anytime and he would have my attention no matter what. Everything he talked about had some deeper meaning. He was a great partner.” Carson watched his eyes as he spoke about Jackson. Carson had a feeling that Rodney meant ‘partner’ in a broader term than he’d just implied.

 

“And so, what exactly do you do with a Stargate, if you don’t mind my askin’?” Rodney chuckled quietly.

 

“A Stargate is a device by which we travel to other galaxies and planets. You step through from one side and out to another. It’s really quite amazing. Hopefully I’ll be able to take you through one soon.” Rodney gave him a grin as Carson refilled their glasses.

 

“Rodney, it’s probably none of my business, but what are ye doin’ in this god-forsaken place anyways? Why send someone as brillian’ as you way the hell out here?” Rodney downed his scotch and sighed heavily. This was sure to be a long explanation.

 

“Well, it has to do with the American military and their rules…”

 

**********

 

_(Ra’s pyramid)_

 

“I’m an Ancient,” Daniel said, his voice sounding slightly awed. Sam Carter gave him a curious look and stepped closer to him.

 

“What?” Daniel looked up at her.

 

“Not me, but the others like me. They’re Ancients.” He held out the tablet for them to see. Jonas took a closer look at it and frowned curiously.

 

“This is written in one of the oldest dialects of Ancient.” Sam looked at Daniel.

 

“What does it say?”

 

“It says, Ancients evolved from a race of humans that lived long before us. They were wiped out by a plague that was sweeping across the galaxy. Many learned to ascend. The rest died out… I have to go.” Sam gave him a shocked look.

 

“Wait. Where?” Daniel gave her a look that he hoped would be reassuring.

 

“I’ll be back. Don’t lose that tablet. It talks about a lost city that is more valuable than anything…”

 

**********

_(Russia – present)_

 

“…and a few months after Daniel’s death, I came home to where I’d been living with Jack to find out that I was being shipped out to Russia. We spent one last week together, both of us were on leave so to speak, and then I boarded a plane and came here and Jack stayed at Cheyenne Mountain with his team. He’s been out here once since I arrived and I haven’t left Russia in three months.”

 

“Bloody American’s and their rules,” Carson slurred quietly. Rodney lifted his half-filled glass.

 

“I’ll definitely drink to that.” They both downed the last of the scotch then leaned back in their chairs. After a few moments of silence, Carson slid out of his chair and moved over towards Rodney.

 

“I should prolly let you get some rest, lad,” he said shakily. Rodney reached out and wrapped his hand around Carson’s wrist.

 

“Don’t leave,” he whispered. “I’m sick and tired of everyone… leaving.” Carson turned and went down on his knees in front of Rodney, resting his hand on the side of Rodney’s face.

 

“I’ll not leave you, Rodney, not unless it’s you who does the leavin.” Rodney looked down at him and relaxed his grip on Carson’s wrist.

 

“I loved Daniel more than I’d ever loved anyone else in my life and he died, left me alone and then Jack was there and he kept me from falling to pieces and a part of me loved him too, not like I loved Daniel, but still… and then he was taken away from me too. I just… I don’t know who they’re going to take away from me next, you know? I’m so sick and tired of giving up everything I want or need to satisfy the people I work with.” Carson sighed softly and stood, drawing Rodney to his feet as well.

 

“What say we both get some rest and we’ll talk more of it when we’re more likely to be able to think freely and not in a drunken cloud, hmm?” Rodney gave him a weak smile and allowed Carson to pull him towards the bedroom. Carson helped Rodney get undressed then pulled off his own clothes and lay down next to him in the large bed. Rodney rolled onto his back and pulled Carson to him so that Carson was kind of tucked in against his side. Carson slid his arm across Rodney’s stomach and held there.

 

“Thanks, Carson,” Rodney whispered, his eyes already closing.

 

“My pleasure, lad,” Carson answered quietly.

 

***********

 

He woke to the sound of something ringing far too loudly. He batted away the covers that were all around him and was quickly reminded that he wasn’t in bed alone. He opened his eyes and made a quick mental note that it was Carson sleeping next to him, though how the man could possibly be asleep was intriguing in and of itself. The ringing persisted and Rodney finally managed to grab to phone and put it to his ear.

 

“Dr. McKay,” he answered wearily.

 

“Rodney, it’s Jack. I didn’t mean to wake you.” Rodney shifted slightly so that he was leaning against the headboard of his bed.

 

“Jack.. it’s the middle of the night in Russia. Is something wrong? What’s happened? Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine, Rodney. Listen… I don’t know quite how to tell you this, but…” There was a long silence that filled the space between them and Rodney felt himself begin to grow very cold.

 

“Jack?” He heard Jack take a deep breath and then sigh heavily.

 

“Daniel’s alive, Rodney. And he has no memory of who he was before his death…” Rodney felt the phone drop from his hand and felt as if his entire world had just fallen out from under him yet again.

 

\-----

_“You know what I was thinking?” Rodney smirked as he turned his head to look at Daniel Jackson. Daniel laughed and smacked Rodney across the stomach. “No, Rodney. For once I wasn’t thinking about that. At least, not at the moment, but see that’s not the point and you always have this way about you that gets me completely off track.”_

_“You said you were thinking, Danny.” Daniel nodded and slid his arm back across Rodney’s chest as Rodney pulled him in closer._

_“About us. About how we always go and go for hours and days on end without stopping, without taking time for ourselves, without ever slowing down. The only time we ever see each other anymore is in the labs or, if we’re lucky enough, when we each manage to have the same day off, which only happens about once every three weeks. I can’t live this way, Rodney.” Rodney stiffened slightly, his grasp on Daniel’s arm loosening a little._

_“I see,” he said softly. Daniel tightened his hold and moved quickly so that he was laying half way across Rodney’s chest, his gaze holding Rodney’s. One of Rodney’s hands went to Daniel’s back out of habit, slowly sliding up and down along the skin there._

_“No, you don’t, Rodney. This isn’t me letting you go. This is me…” Daniel took a deep breath before continuing. “This is me… I’m asking you to move in with me.” Rodney looked up at him with something akin to disbelief in his blue eyes. Daniel watched him for a moment, as the silence between them seemed to grow longer. “Rodney?”_

_“You want me to move in with you?” Rodney asked in a whispered voice. Daniel nodded slowly. A genuine smile eased across Rodney’s face as he drew Daniel down and kissed him softly. “I think I can handle that.” Daniel chuckled and it was a low and rough sound, one that made Rodney shiver._

_“What else do you think you can handle, McKay?” Rodney slid his hands down Daniel’s back and along his ass before pulling him closer._

_“Whatever you want me to handle, Danny. Be it your heart…” He rolled over, sliding Daniel beneath him as he did so, kissing him softly on the lips then on the chest just over his heart. “…or your mind…” and he kissed the side of Daniel’s head. “...or maybe even your body…” and his mouth slid down Daniel’s neck and back across his chest as Daniel’s hands slid across Rodney’s back and sides, his eyes closing slightly as he did so. “…or any other part of you that you want me to handle. I can handle anything you give me…” His kissing took him lower, across Daniel’s stomach while his hands slid along Daniel’s sides and lower still across his thighs. Daniel’s hands clenched at Rodney’s arms and then at the sheets as Rodney slipped from his grasp. Rodney’s mouth slid around Daniel’s hardened shaft, drawing him in deeply and Daniel’s hips pushed forward in response. Rodney slid his tongue across the sensitive tip of Daniel’s cock then engulfed him once more, completely and Daniel was almost undone by Rodney’s touch and the feel of Rodney’s warm, wet mouth so fully around him._

_“Rodney…” he rasped as his hips moved in time with Rodney’s mouth and hand. Rodney reached up his free hand and entwined his fingers with Daniel’s as Daniel’s closed eyes tightened and he cried out as he came. His hand clenched against Rodney’s and Rodney took every last bit of him into his mouth, swallowing, his eyes open and rolled upwards to watch his lover in this surrender. After a couple more minutes, Rodney slowly slid along Daniel’s body, wrapping his arms around the younger man and drawing him closer. Daniel turned to his side and slid an arm around Rodney._

_“I think I can handle coming home to you every day for the rest of my life,” Daniel whispered softly as he drifted off to sleep. Rodney smiled and felt tears stinging his eyes._

_“I’ll hold you to that, love,” he answered in a raspy voice before kissing the top of Daniel’s head and closing his eyes…_

(Present)

 

“McKay? Rodney, did you hear what I just said?” Rodney swallowed against the lump in his throat even as his gaze fell on the sleeping form of Carson Beckett at his side.

 

“I … I heard you, Jack. I just… I just don’t know what to say at the moment. He doesn’t remember anything?” On the other end of the phone, Jack sighed heavily.

 

“None of it, I’m afraid. He barely remembers me or Sam or Teal’c. He seems to remember Hammond okay and he’s been going over his journals and pointing out his own mistakes, but other than that…” Jack trailed off, not sure of what more to tell Rodney. “I could arrange for us to come out there--”

 

“No!” Rodney said adamantly before sighing softly. “No, Jack. There is no need to drag him out here to Russia. I have some leave coming to me next month. I’ll come out there. It will give him another month to get himself settled again and then maybe he’ll start remembering.”

 

“Rodney…” On the other side of the world, Jack wasn’t sure what to do or what to say to his lover. “What should I tell him?”

 

“There’s nothing to tell him, Jack,” Rodney answered, a resigned tone to his voice. “If I come out there next month and he remembers me, I’ll deal with things then. If he doesn’t remember me when I get there, then I will leave well enough alone.”

 

“You’re a stronger man than I am, Rodney,” Jack said after a moment of silence. “I’ve missed you, you know. I really wish you’d been here the past few months.”

 

“I’ll be there soon enough, Jack. Just… take care of Daniel between now and then, all right? He may not ever remember me but it doesn’t mean I don’t still love him with every fiber of my being.”

 

“I’ll take care of him, Rodney. We’ll see you in a month?” Rodney nodded then realized Jack couldn’t see him.

 

“A month. I’ll see you then. Take care, Jack.” Without giving Jack a chance to reply, Rodney hung up the phone, and then pulled the phone line out of the wall. He leaned back, letting the tears fall down his face. He didn’t know how long he sat like that before he felt fingers sliding alongside his face. He opened his eyes to find Carson awake, sitting up next to him, watching him worriedly.

 

“Do ye want to talk about it?” Rodney looked at Carson for a moment then reached out and slid his fingers through Carson’s hair before shaking his head.

 

“Not really… Jack called. Daniel’s alive, but he has no memory of anyone, least of all me.” Carson sighed heavily.

 

“You should go out there - ”

 

“No,” Rodney said, sliding his hand down to Carson’s, holding there as he gaze met Carson’s. “I’ll go next month, assess everything for myself, and then I’ll come home. Carson, I love Daniel. You knew that when we first started this, you knew what he meant to me, but he was dead. And yes, I know, he’s back and there is such a thing as second chances and all, but, if he doesn’t remember me, then maybe he and I didn’t need a second chance to get things right because we got it right the first time around. If I go out there and Daniel doesn’t know me, I won’t have any regrets. And, regardless, I will come home. I promise you that.” Carson looked at him, as if trying to decide whether or not to believe everything Rodney had just said. After a moment, Carson smiled softly and nodded.

 

“All right, Rodney. I believe you. Now… could we get back to sleep?” Rodney smiled and slid back down in the bed, drawing Carson up next to him.

 

“Sleep, Carson. Everything will work itself out for the best.”

 

*********

 

(Cheyenne)

 

Jack hung up the phone and sighed heavily. He leaned back in his chair at his desk and closed his eyes. He worried about Rodney. He worried about Daniel. He worried about himself, but mostly he worried about Daniel. If Daniel remembered Rodney, Jack would have to give him up again and Jack wasn’t sure he was strong enough to do that. Giving up Daniel to Rodney the first time had almost driven the normally strong Jack O’Neil straight into a bottle. If he lost Daniel this time, Jack would just resign and move… very far away.

 

“Jack?” Jack’s eyes shot open to find Daniel standing just inside the doorway of his office. “Am I disturbing you?”

 

“Uh… no. Come on in. I was just… napping.” Daniel smirked and closed the door as he walked into the office. He sat down in the chair across Jack’s desk as Jack leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk, his eyes watching Daniel closely. “Something wrong?”

 

“It took you two weeks,” he said quietly. Jack frowned slightly.

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

“It took you two weeks,” Daniel repeated quietly. “And, strangely enough, I’m not upset about that at all. I mean, I think I understand why I’m not upset, but at the same time, part of me feels as if I should be upset. I mean, two weeks, Jack. Why so long?” Jack shook his head.

 

“Okay, Daniel. I’m really not following this whole conversation. Let’s start over, shall we? Hi, I’m Jack O’Neil, and you’re Dr. Daniel Jackson. You were presumed dead up until two weeks ago when we found you on a strange planet and you had no memory of who you were and we brought you home. You got back a good deal of your memory and now you are sitting in my office making absolutely no sense whatsoever.” Daniel smirked again then slowly shook his head.

 

“I’m sorry. I tend to just… go off on tangents and forget everyone else around me. I think I got it from him… and that’s what my point was. It took you two weeks before you got up the nerve to call Rodney and tell him I was alive.” Jack sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair. Ahh. So that’s what he was going on about.

 

“Up until now I didn’t realize you remembered him,” Jack answered quietly.

 

“That was my fault. I never forgot Rodney, Jack. I never had any regrets where he was concerned. He was the first thing that came back to me that was clear and precise and I felt something so strong and so like home that I knew why his memory returned so easily.” Jack raised an eyebrow slightly. “It’s the same reason my memories of Sam and Teal’c came back before I got all my memories back about you.”

 

“Well, by all means, enlighten me,” Jack said, crossing his arms over his chest, not sure if he liked where this was going at all.

 

“Jack… what Rodney and I had when I was alive was something that was amazing, special, and it is something I will always hold in my heart like nothing else. But I realize I have no regrets with Rodney. None. We got it right the first time around. You and I, on the other hand, missed our chance. I don’t want us to miss any more chances.” Jack sat forward again very slowly.

 

“I’m sorry?” Daniel slid out of the chair and walked around Jack’s desk until he was able to sit on the desk and face Jack who was very close to him now.

 

“Rodney’s destiny doesn’t lie here with us, Jack. Rodney’s destiny lies with the Ancient City. I can let him go because he and I have nothing to fix, nothing to get right, nothing that we regret. But you, Jack, I have so many regrets where you are concerned that I can’t let you go. Not now. Not anytime soon if I have my say in all of this.”

 

“What are you saying, Daniel?” Daniel leaned forward and kissed Jack softly then pulled back to gauge his reaction.

 

“I’m saying I want the chance to see what life with you can be like. Please, Jack. Tell me it’s not too late. Tell me you and I have the chance to make our lives worth living again.” Jack looked up at Daniel, into those eyes he’d always loved, and realized that Daniel was right. It was time to get at least one thing right in their lives.

 

“It’s not too late, Daniel. Welcome home.” Jack pulled Daniel down into another kiss and slid his arms around the scientist, holding him as close as he possibly could at that moment. After a moment, he broke the kiss and both of them were breathing rather rapidly. “We need to take this somewhere else… military rules and all.” Daniel grinned and stood, pulling Jack up with him.

 

“Lead the way…”

 

********

 

Jack’s house was dark when he pushed open the door and pulled Daniel inside behind him. He flipped a switch and Daniel closed the door a brief moment before Jack turned and pushed him up against the wall, kissing him almost harshly. Daniel hissed at the feel of Jack’s teeth scraping against his own, but at that moment, he didn’t care. Neither of them cared about anything but proving that the other was very much alive and there. Jack pulled Daniel’s jacket open and pushed it off his shoulders, letting it drop to the floor. Daniel’s hands slid along the bottom of Jack’s shirt, before slipping beneath and Jack drew in a deep breath at the feel of Daniel’s hands against his skin. The kissing continued as clothes continued to fall to the floor until both were clad only in boxers and nothing more.

 

Jack pulled Daniel with him towards the bedroom and Daniel followed, kissing him almost the entire way into the room. Jack turned them around so that he pushed Daniel down onto the back and slid over him. His mouth slid along Daniel’s neck and down across his chest, but Daniel wasn’t so cooperative. He locked one arm and turned them so he was on top of Jack and Jack could do little more than cooperate as Daniel kissed him with such heated passion that Jack wasn’t sure he’d last much longer. His hands went to the waistband of Daniel’s boxers and he pushed them off then raised up and removed his own as well.

 

“I need you, Jack,” Daniel whispered against the side of Jack’s ear. The sound was so hot, so needy that Jack knew exactly what Daniel was feeling.

 

“I’m here, Daniel. Always here.”

 

“Want you,” came the broken voice and Jack thought for a moment that Daniel might be fighting back tears but he didn’t think beyond that. Instead, he turned Daniel so that Daniel lay on his stomach beneath him. Jack kissed a trail over Daniel’s shoulders and down along his back, his hands sliding from Daniel’s hands, over his arms then down his sides to his hips. He pulled and Daniel came up slowly. Jack reached over into the drawer of his nightstand and pulled out a bottle of lube, popped it open and lathered it into his hand then dropped the bottle. He slid his hand along his very hard cock and pushed against Daniel gently. Daniel came up a little more and moaned softly.

 

“Jack… please…”

 

“Shhh… we have to… work this slowly… don’t want to hurt you…” Daniel groaned and pushed himself back against Jack and Jack found his hands holding Daniel’s hips tightly even as he slid into Daniel. Daniel cried out and his back arched and that was all the invitation Jack needed. He moved again and Daniel pushed back harder and Jack found himself fully sheathed within the scientist. Daniel moaned softly and Jack wrapped his arm around Daniel’s stomach and reached down, wrapping his hand around Daniel’s hardness. He matched the movements of his hand with the movements of their hips.

 

“Oh…Jack… yessss… more, please….” Jack was almost undone by Daniel’s raspy, broken pleas.

 

“Daniel…” Daniel pushed back and Jack felt himself go. Daniel cried out and felt himself come in Jack’s hand as he felt Jack coming inside of him. Jack pushed against Daniel once… twice more before releasing his hold and bracing his weight on his hands against the mattress as Daniel’s body collapsed beneath him. Jack gave him a moment before slowly sliding out of him and dropping down next to him on the bed. After a few moments of silence, Daniel turned his head to face Jack and Jack saw the tears in those eyes.

 

“Love you, Jack,” Daniel whispered and Jack knew then that the tears weren’t sadness or regret. They were tears of desire… born out of fear that he would lose Jack forever. Jack slid an arm around Jack and drew him to his side.

 

“Love you, Danny.” Daniel’s eyes closed and his breathing evened out and Jack watched him sleeping and finally… finally knew peace…

 

\--------

It wouldn’t be a month before Rodney was able to return to Cheyenne. Between the SGC and the G’ould, Rodney wasn’t able to return to Cheyenne until just before he was scheduled to head to Antarctica, which was almost nine months after Jack had called to tell him Daniel was alive. At that time, he had decided that it would be best for him to bring Carson along with him. After all, Carson was his partner, his lover, his life these days. The Scotsman had drawn Rodney out of himself in ways even Jack had never managed to do in the days after Daniel’s death. While Rodney had been happy that Daniel was back, he’d always known that he and Daniel would never return to what they’d had in the beginning. Rodney had always known that Jack O’Neil had loved Daniel but that said love had never been returned because Daniel had been with Rodney. Now, though, Rodney felt safe in assuming that Daniel and Jack were trying to figure out what could have been. And Rodney was, amazingly enough, okay with that and not in the least bit jealous.

 

Carson, on the other hand, was a little worried about their trip to Cheyenne. He knew Daniel Jackson would always have a piece of Rodney’s heart, just as Jack O’Neil would, but Carson wondered if what he and Rodney had would change once they got back into a city where both Daniel and Jack were accessible to Rodney once more.

 

“Give me a little credit, Carson,” Rodney whispered from behind him, so close that Carson could feel the warmth of his breath against his neck. “I’m not taking you back there with me to break your heart. I’m taking you back there with me to show them both that I am okay, that I have found my way and that way lies with you.” Carson turned and looked up at Rodney, a serene look in his blue eyes.

 

“I’m glad to hear it, Rodney,” he answered quietly. “Are we ready?” Rodney chuckled and rolled his eyes.

 

“The rest of the equipment is being wrapped, tagged and moved for transportation. This is one of those times that I’m thankful we have a Stargate here. It means no plane trips over miles and miles of open water.” Carson shuddered and Rodney hugged him gently. “You’ll love it, Carson. I told you I’d take you through a Stargate one of these days.”

 

“Looks like that day is here, then, isn’t it?” Carson asked, pulling back from Rodney a little. “Well, shall we get some rest so that we’re all ready for tomorrow?”

 

“Rest? Sure. That’ll be a change, won’t it?” Carson laughed and smacked Rodney in the chest before they both left Carson’s office and headed for their quarters.

 

***********

 

Jack stood on the back porch of the house and watched the sunrise as he held a cup of coffee in his hands. Today was the day. Rodney was going to come through the Stargate and back into his life… well, back into _their_ lives; his and Daniel’s. On one hand, Jack was ecstatic. He hadn’t seen Rodney in well over ten months and he knew Daniel was looking forward to seeing him as well. He and Rodney had talked by phone once or twice, but Rodney had never asked to talk with Daniel and Daniel had never interrupted Jack’s calls to talk with Rodney. Jack wasn’t sure if that was a bad sign of things to come or not, so he let it go.

 

Today that would all change. Rodney would be back in the states… and in three weeks he’d be headed for Antarctica with Daniel, Dr. Elizabeth Weir and several groups of scientists and military advisors. They were looking for the Lost City, the Ancient City that Daniel had told Jack would be Rodney’s destiny. Jack wasn’t sure he liked the idea of sending Rodney to some Lost City, but Daniel kept insisting that everything would be fine.

 

He heard footsteps behind him and he smiled as he brought the coffee cup to his mouth and drank from it slowly. The footsteps stopped and he lowered the cup and turned slightly to find Daniel standing next to him, holding his own cup in his hands.

 

“Excited?” Jack asked quietly. Daniel took a sip from the cup in his hands.

 

“Worried,” he answered softly. Jack frowned slightly.

 

“About?”

 

“Everything.” Jack chuckled softly.

 

“Why?” Daniel looked up at him and raised his eyebrow slightly.

 

“Because it’s Rodney and because the last time he saw me, I was dying and then I was dead and then he was with you and then he wasn’t with you and now he’s with someone named Carson whom we’ve never met and we don’t know if we’ll like him or if he’ll like us and then Rodney’s going to Antarctica…”

 

“With you,” Jack reminded him gently.

 

“Not _with_ me, Jack,” Daniel, in turn, reminded him. “He’ll be head of the science department in Antarctica, a title he will retain if we find the Lost City and they go there.” Jack watched Daniel for a moment and then it all made sense.

 

“You don’t want him to go,” he said softly. Daniel sighed heavily and drank the rest of his coffee. “Daniel, it’s okay. I’m not all that crazy about him going, either, but you were the one who said McKay’s destiny lay with the Lost City and not with us. Now, unless you know something I don’t, we can’t change what’s going to happen.”

 

“I know that, Jack,” Daniel said in a resigned tone of voice. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

 

***********

 

“Scheduled off world activation, General.” Jack stepped forward as Daniel stood by the steps, ready to head down them towards the gate if he got the go ahead from Jack.

 

“ISD?” The tech looked down at his screen.

 

“Receiving Dr. McKay’s code, Sir.” Jack smiled and turned to Daniel who grinned and took off down the stairs.

 

“Let him in, Sergeant.” The man nodded and punched in a code that lowered the shield around the iris. Down below on the ramp, Daniel watched and waited for Rodney to come through. Several military personnel as well as scientists came through first, followed by a great deal of machinery. After what seemed like forever, a medical team member, with a Scottish flag on his sleeve, stepped through the iris followed shortly thereafter by Rodney McKay. The iris closed and Daniel watched Rodney get his bearings again.

 

“Welcome to Cheyenne Mountain, Carson,” Rodney said to the man standing next to him just before he turned and found Daniel standing at the bottom of the ramp waiting for him. For a moment, all Rodney could do was stand and watch as Daniel slowly walked up the ramp towards him. He felt his heart catch in his throat as Daniel came to a stop right before him.

 

“Hello, Rodney,” Daniel said softly, the smile on his face calm and serene. Rodney wasn’t so calm. He stepped forward and pulled Daniel into his arms, hugging him tightly. Daniel laughed quietly and returned the embrace just as tightly. “Welcome home.”

 

“You too, Daniel,” Rodney whispered in a somewhat broken voice. They stepped back and Rodney pulled Carson over to him. Daniel felt badly for the man who looked terrified to be there. “Daniel, this is Carson Beckett. I’m fairly certain General O’Neil has told you about him.” Daniel gave Carson a friendly smile and held a hand out to him.

 

“He has indeed. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Dr. Beckett.” Carson looked at the man before him and saw only genuine emotion there, nothing malicious or jealous. Carson returned the smile and took Daniel’s hand in his.

 

“It’s a pleasure for me as well, Dr. Jackson. Rodney speaks of little else.” Daniel’s gaze shot back to Rodney who just gave him a sheepish grin and Daniel rolled his eyes and laughed.

 

“Give him time, Dr. Beckett and it’ll be your name we here around here and nothing else.” Carson laughed and just like that the tension between the three men was gone. Jack watched all of this from the command room just above, giving them all the time to settle before intruding. He wanted to see Rodney, but he wanted to give Daniel time with him first. They only had him for the next three weeks before he left for Antarctica. If things went the way Daniel wanted them to go, it would be a very tiring yet exciting three weeks…

(11,954)

 

Jack watched Daniel as he paced the outside deck of their house. Rodney had been home less than a week and already he and Daniel had been through several arguments that had culminated with Rodney threatening to leave the SGC and Daniel scrambling to find a way to make sure that didn’t happen. Now, Jack watched the normally serene archaeologist looking distraught as he paced back and forth like a caged tiger. Jack didn’t know what to do for Daniel, or Rodney for that matter. He’d sent Rodney home with Carson and he’d brought Daniel back to their house, hoping the time apart would give the two former lovers time to calm down enough to talk with one enough reasonably.

 

Daniel smacked his hand against the railing angrily. Damn McKay! How could he be so damned insecure and yet so damned arrogant all at the same time? Daniel wanted to strangle him and yet he wanted to kiss him as well. Daniel had never felt his love for Rodney diminish even after he’d started his relationship with Jack. If anything, his feelings for Rodney had grown stronger and then Rodney had come home and had brought Carson with him. Daniel had been jealous after the first couple of days but Jack had reminded him, in bed one night, that Daniel had no reason or right to be jealous. Rodney needed to move on and they needed to respect his decisions. It wasn’t that Daniel didn’t like the Scottish man; Daniel just didn’t think anyone was good enough for _his_ Rodney.

 

Jack was about to walk out onto the deck with Daniel when there was a knock at the door. Jack sighed heavily and walked over to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open.

 

“General O’Neill… I apologize for bargin’ in like this an’ all. I know yer need for privacy an’ all but I didna have a choice.” Jack glanced at Carson Beckett now standing before him, looking disheveled and worried. He pulled the man inside and closed the door behind him.

 

“Daniel! Get in here!” Jack bellowed, never taking his eyes off of Carson. “What happened?”

 

“We got back to the apartment and Rodney went into the bedroom and slammed the door. He didna come out for at least an hour or more and when he came out, he was dressed in his blue military garb and he said he’d be back later or maybe not if I was lucky an’ then he left, without any warnin’ at all.” Jack felt a sinking feeling within himself and he looked around before noticing that Daniel hadn’t heard him.

 

“Daniel!” Jack yelled even louder. Daniel finally turned around and saw Carson standing with Jack. Something was wrong… Daniel ran inside and stopped in front of Carson.

 

“Where is he?” he yelled frantically. “What’s happened?” Carson swallowed past the lump in his throat. He knew Daniel was just worried about Rodney, like he was, but frankly the man scared him.

 

“I don’t rightly know, lad,” Carson answered quietly. Daniel took another step towards him, almost menacingly, and Carson stepped back.

 

“What do you mean you don’t know? You’re supposed to watch out for him! He’s your responsibility now, Carson! Where is he?!” Jack put a restraining hand on Daniel’s shoulder, stopping the younger man from advancing any further.

 

“Dr. Beckett was trying to tell me what happened, Danny. Calm down, all right? We’ll find him.” Jack turned his attention back to Carson. “So, he changed into his military gear and left. Did he say anything other than the parting shot about you being lucky if he didn’t return?” Daniel blanched at that and Jack gripped his shoulder again tightly.

 

“Only that he was sorry he’d ever brought me here an’ that he wished to whatever deity there was that he could take me an’ go back to Russia an’ never have to hear the word ‘SGC’ again.” He turned his fearful gaze onto Daniel slowly. “I’m sorry, Dr. Jackson. I couldna stop him from leavin’. He was angry, put out, and hurtin’ though I’m not sure what was hurtin’ him.” Daniel’s anger dropped another notch and he sighed heavily looking to Jack.

 

“You and Dr. Beckett wait here, Jack. I think I know where me might have gone.” Daniel walked over to the coat rack and pulled on his leather jacket, zipping it up the front. He turned those cerulean blue eyes towards Carson and Carson, for a moment, felt as if he were looking at Rodney’s eyes. Daniel reached out and laid a reassuring hand on Carson’s arm. “I’ll find him, Dr. Beckett. I’ll bring him home and we’ll make everything right again. I promise.” He looked up at Jack who nodded once and gave Daniel a slight smile before Daniel turned and walked out of the house.

 

_When I find you, Rodney McKay, you are going to get the longest lecture of your life by someone not as highly intelligent as you but just as much in love with you as you are with him…_

 

**************

 

Rodney walked out of the shooting range at Cheyenne Mountain and moved slowly down the hallways and towards the emergency exit doors that would lead him to a staircase that would, in turn, lead him to the roof. He took the stairs two at a time until he reached the access door to the roof. He pushed open the door and stepped outside, the fall winds whipping around him as he did so, pushing the door closed behind him. Rodney sighed heavily and walked to the edge of the roof, looking out beyond the mountain and towards the starlit sky. It was a moonless night. No one really knew that Rodney was at Cheyenne. Only one or two guards had seen him leave the shooting range and no one would know that he’d come out to the roof.

 

Seeing Daniel again had opened wounds inside of Rodney’s heart that Rodney thought had healed after Daniel’s death. Coming home had been a bad idea. Seeing Daniel again had been a bad idea as well. Seeing Daniel with Jack had been the worst of it. Not that Rodney was one to throw stones. He did, after all, have Carson with him, but there was something painful about seeing two of his former lovers together in their own relationship; something that broke away at Rodney’s heart and left him feeling empty and numb. And when he’d argued with Daniel earlier that day, they’d both said some pretty hurtful things and Rodney wished with all his might that he’d never said such things to the man he loved with all his heart and soul.

 

“I love Carson,” he whispered into the wind, “but he’s not Daniel, and he’s not Jack. I don’t know that I can give him my heart. I’m so tired of having it handed back to me, of having it rejected again and again…”

 

Daniel stood by the doorway and heard what Rodney had said. He’d come out and had almost immediately started yelling at the older man, but then he saw Rodney’s worn down appearance, saw the way he was hunched over, arms hugged around his body and he knew Rodney was hurting. He didn’t know why, though, until he’d heard the whispered words.

 

“I’m sorry!” Rodney yelled out angrily, flinging his arms wide. “What do you want from me?! You’ve taken everything and everyone else away from me! Every time I think I’m going to be happy and be able to love, you take it away! You killed Daniel and then you took Jack. What next? You’re going to take Carson, too?” Daniel continued to watch him until he saw Rodney’s hand slide down his leg and pull the gun from the holster there. “I won’t let you do it this time, do you hear me! I won’t let you make the decisions! I’m sick and tired of being left behind!” His hand rose slowly and Daniel knew where it was going.

 

“RODNEY!” Rodney didn’t turn around and the hand holding the 9mm stayed where it was, pointing at the side of his head. Daniel took it as a good sign that he hadn’t pulled the trigger and slowly walked towards him. “Rodney, listen to me. Please, baby, listen to me.”

 

“Go away, Daniel. You have Jack. You don’t need me anymore. Just… go away. Let me do what I have to do so that everyone can just… move on.”

 

“No.” Daniel moved to Rodney’s side and looked up at him, but Rodney wasn’t looking at Daniel. His eyes were fixed straight ahead of him, but Daniel saw the tears falling down his face in a steady stream. “I won’t let you go, Rodney. I can’t.”

 

“This isn’t your choice, Daniel,” he whispered softly. “I’m not yours anymore. I haven’t been for a long time now.”

 

“You will always be mine, Rodney. No matter what, or where, you will always be first in my heart.” The hand faltered a little but then Rodney’s grip tightened again. “Rodney, please… don’t do this. I can’t lose you again. I just got you back… There are… there’s so much for you and I to do. We’re going to find the Lost City. You and me… and Carson.”

 

“You don’t even like Carson, Danny,” Rodney whispered again, the gun still held tight in his hand.

 

“I was jealous of him, Rodney,” Daniel said quietly. “I wanted you to come home alone so that you could be with Jack and me and instead, you came home with him and it felt as if you’d left us.” Rodney flinched just a little and Daniel berated himself mentally for saying it like that. “I mean that it felt as if you didn’t need us.”

 

“I will always need you, Danny,” Rodney said in a broken sob even as he slid his gaze sideways to glance at Daniel. “How could you ever think anything else?” Daniel stepped closer and slid one hand up along Rodney’s arm.

 

“I know you need me, Rodney. I need you too. I love you, Rodney. Don’t doubt that now, please. Don’t ever doubt that.” His hand slid further up Rodney’s arm until it rested just over the hand that held the gun. “I need you to live, babe. I can’t do this without you. Please… give me the gun, Rodney. Don’t leave me to do all of this on my own. Please.” His voice trailed off as Rodney’s hand began to shake and then falter, releasing the gun into Daniel’s grip. Daniel tossed the gun to the ground and took Rodney in his arms as Rodney’s legs gave way beneath him. They ended up on the ground with Daniel pulling Rodney into his arms, sliding his hands up and down along Rodney’s back as Rodney clung to him and sobbed quietly.

 

“I’m…. sorry… Danny. So sorry…”

 

“Hush, love, there’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s over and I’ve got you. I’m here. You’re here. Everything will be fine. I promise.” He rocked Rodney in his arms and Rodney continued to cling tightly to him. When the sobbing began to wrack Rodney’s body with shuddering force, Daniel pulled back enough to tilt Rodney’s head up towards his own and kissed him fiercely. Rodney responded with the same ferocity, his hands clenching against Daniel’s shirt, holding him tightly in place. Daniel’s hands cupped Rodney’s face and the kiss deepened and became more intense with each passing moment. Rodney’s hands moved to Daniel’s shirt and he pulled. Daniel didn’t care that they were on the roof of a military compound at that moment. All he cared about was feeling Rodney’s warmth beneath his hands. It didn’t take long before the clothing was gone, scattered around them on the ground, and Rodney pushed Daniel beneath him, his hands and mouth exploring and re-learning ever part of Daniel’s body. Daniel’s hands never ceased in moving along Rodney’s body and through his silken hair.

 

Rodney kissed his way down Daniel’s chest, his hands sliding along Daniel’s sides and over his chest and stomach. When his mouth reached Daniel’s shaft, he wasted no time in sliding his mouth over the entire shaft, making Daniel gasp and clench Rodney’s arms so tightly he was sure there would be bruises in the morning.  Rodney slid his mouth up and down over Daniel slowly and the archaeologist moaned softly, his hands clenching and un-clenching in time with Rodney’s movements. But it wasn’t enough… for either one of them.

 

“Rodney… please, babe… want you…” Rodney slid back up along Daniel’s body, his hands sliding beneath Daniel and turning him so that Daniel lay on his stomach. Daniel lifted his hips and slid to his knees as Rodney pushed from behind him.

 

“I’m here, Danny,” Rodney whispered against his back as he pushed himself into Daniel slowly. “Gawd, Danny… so damn tight…” Danny arched back and pushed towards Rodney. Rodney was trying to be slow and careful. Daniel didn’t want slow and careful. He braced his weight on his arms and pushed back hard causing Rodney to cry out, though not in pain, but in pleasure.

 

“More, Rodney… please…” Rodney took Daniel at his word and started moving in and out of him at a harder, faster pace. He slid one hand around Daniel’s waist and wrapped it around Daniel’s hardened cock, sliding his hand up and down in the same rhythm as his hips.

 

“Missed you, Danny,” he whispered against the back of Daniel’s head.

 

“Love you, Rodney,” Daniel whispered back, as his breathing grew heavier and faster. Rodney rocked them both harder and faster until Daniel cried out beneath him and Rodney felt the warmth explode against his hand. That was all it took to make Rodney come inside his younger lover. Daniel cried out again at the feeling and pushed back against Rodney as if trying to take him in even more. Rodney wrapped his arms around Daniel and held him still for a few moments until he could lower them both to the ground without hurting either of them. He rolled to his side, pulling Daniel with him, wrapping an arm around the archaeologist.

 

“Love you too, Danny,” he whispered softly. “Always.”

 

*************

 

It was early the next morning when Daniel and Rodney made their way back to Jack’s house to find Carson sitting on the back deck drinking coffee while Jack was in the kitchen making breakfast. When the door opened, Jack turned and walked over to Rodney, pulling him into a strong embrace. Rodney went willingly, wrapping his arms around Jack tightly as well.

 

“You’re okay?” Jack asked quietly, even as his eyes met with Daniel’s and Daniel nodded.

 

“We’re okay,” Rodney answered quietly as he stepped back from Jack who gave him a slight smile. “Carson?” Jack pointed to the back deck.

 

“He’s been waiting for you all night, Rodney,” Jack answered before stepping out of the way. Rodney glanced over his should at Daniel who smiled and nodded at him before he turned and walked out to the back deck. He sat down on the arm of the chair and Jack and Daniel watched as Carson tentatively reached up and rested his hand on Rodney’s leg. Rodney reached down and entwined his fingers with Carson’s, holding there a moment before brining Carson’s hand to his mouth and kissing the inside of his palm. It was a start.

 

Jack turned and looked at his lover.

 

“I was worried,” he said, giving Daniel a once over, his eyes showing the worry he’d felt. Daniel sighed heavily and pulled the 9mm from his pocket and handed it to Jack.

 

“With good reason,” he answered softly. “I almost didn’t get to him in time.” Jack took the gun and slowly shook his head.

 

“I’ll put it in the safe.” Daniel nodded as Jack kissed him on the forehead then headed into the study. Daniel walked out onto the back deck with Carson and Rodney. Carson looked up at Daniel slowly.

 

“Thank you,” he said with a slight smile. Daniel smiled in return.

 

“No, Carson,” he said softly. “Thank you.” Carson nodded and Daniel leaned over, kissing Rodney softly. “I’ll see you later at work?” Rodney nodded and Daniel smiled, turning and walking back inside to find Jack waiting for him.

 

“You okay?” Jack asked, concerned.

 

“I will be, Jack. Believe it or not, we all will be given enough time.” Jack smiled.

 

“So… do you have to go to work just yet?” Daniel chuckled softly.

 

“I think I’ve got some time to spare before I need to head out. What did you have in mind, General?”

 

Out on the back deck, Rodney heard Daniel’s soft laughter and looked over his shoulder as Daniel and Jack headed towards the stairs that would lead to their bedroom. He sighed softly then turned his attention back to Carson.

 

“I’m glad you’re here, Carson,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry for saying what I did last night, for hurting you. You mean so much to me and that scares me at times. I’m afraid of losing you; of losing myself.” Carson looked up at him and squeezed his hand gently.

 

“I’ll not be lettin’ either one of those things happen, Rodney. You’re very important to me, lad. And believe it or not, I do love you.” Rodney looked down at him and smiled.

 

“I know you do, Carson. What say we go back to the apartment and I can show you just how much your love means to me.” Carson stood slowly, pulling Rodney to his feet.

 

“I’d say that’s the best idea you’ve had all week, love.” Rodney laughed as he and Carson left the house and headed for the rental car. AS they drove away from the O’Neill house, Rodney realized that Daniel had been right. He hadn’t lost anything at all. He’d gained more than he’d ever realize.

 

He only hoped they all survived this trip to Antarctica without Jack. He knew it was going to be a long few months without the General there to keep them all out of trouble, but Rodney had no doubt that he and Daniel could conjure up a little trouble if it meant getting Jack out there with them and then Rodney would figure out just how to keep his newfound family together,

 

 

 

(McMurdo Base, Antarctica)

 

General Jack O’Neill had been told he would find his pilot most likely in his own quarters, reading or doing paper work. Well, the man wasn’t really _his_ pilot, but the pilot who had been assigned to take Jack to the Ancient base where he would meet up with Daniel and Rodney. He hadn’t seen Daniel or Rodney since they’d left Cheyenne almost four months ago now. He’d talked to them by phone, Carson as well, and they all three seemed happy and well adjusted. Seemed being the key word of course. Jack needed to see it himself to believe that everyone and everything was all right.

 

He approached the door to the quarters of the man assigned to fly him out to the Ancient outpost tomorrow and was just about to knock when he heard the soulful sounds of a guitar and a deep voice coming from the room.

 

_I’m fifteen for a moment_

_Caught in between ten and twenty and I’m just dreaming_

_Counting the ways to where you are_

_I’m twenty-two for a moment_

_And she feels better than ever and we’re on fire_

_Making our way back from Mars_

_Fifteen there’s still time for you_

_Time to buy and time to lose_

_Fifteen…_

_There’s never a wish, better than this_

_When you’ve only got a hundred years to live…_

Jack raised a brow slightly. He recognized the song, but when he’d first heard the group Five For Fighting singing that song, it had been upbeat and more enticing. Hearing it form the man behind this door, it sounded like an apology filled with regrets. It made Jack want to walk through the door and wrap his arms around whoever was singing that song; to hold onto that person and do a whole lot of damage to whoever had hurt him. After a moment, Jack knocked on the door. There was complete silence for a moment and then he heard rustling and the sound of things being pushed aside. The door opened slowly and Jack found his gaze resting on a young man who didn’t even look old enough to be a Major in the U.S. Air Force.

 

“Uhm… I’m looking for a Major Shepherd?” The man nodded and stepped back, allowing Jack to enter his room.

 

“That’d be me, Sir. I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow. Did you change plans and want to leave tonight?” Jack shut the door behind them and ushered Shepherd back to his seat and then sat in a chair across from him.

 

“No, no. Not at all. I just make it a habit of meeting people who’ve been assigned to take me places, so I figured, since it was still fairly early, that I’d drop by and meet you. I’m General O’Neill, but most people call me Jack.”

 

“John Shepherd,” the man answered quietly. “Formerly Lt. Colonel Shepherd, now Major Shepherd. Pleasure to meet you, Gen – Jack.” Jack smiled at him. He liked the young man before him.

 

“So, what brings you to McMurdo, Major? Other than losing some rank, that is.” Shepherd looked at the General for a moment then decided it was better to just get this part over with now. He sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair. Jack saw a look of utter despair cross Shepherds face for a brief moment before the walls came up and Jack felt the need yet again to protect this man.

 

“I was in Afghanistan, Sir, and we were flying a mission. Some of my men were shot down and I was ordered to fly out and leave them behind. I couldn’t do it, Sir. I just couldn’t leave them there to be taken and tortured. I didn’t know if they were alive or dead but I wasn’t going to leave them behind. So, I flew back for them. They were dead, though, and I lost all but three more of my unit before we finally made it out in the clear. I came back home and they knocked me down to Major and sent me here to think about my choices.” Jack’s eyes narrowed slightly and he shook his head.

 

“They didn’t send you here to think about your choices. They sent you here to end your career. How many years have you been in?”

 

“Thirteen years and counting. Meaning, they’d have to leave me here seven more years before I’d be able to retire.” Jack nodded slowly, thoughts flowing through his head. He could send John Shepherd to keep an eye on Daniel and Rodney for him… couldn’t he? John gave Jack a curious look. “If what I’ve told you offends you in any way, General, I’m sure I can find you another pilot.” Jack shook his head quickly.

 

“No, it’s not that,” Jack answered. “This is just one of those times when I’m not real happy with our chain of command as we know it.” John nodded slowly and glanced around his room somewhat uncomfortably. Jack noticed and stood slowly. “I should let you get back to… whatever it was you were doing. Can we be ready to leave by mid morning tomorrow?” John stood as well.

 

“Absolutely. I’ll meet you on the helo pad around noon?” Jack nodded and held his hand out to John.

 

“That works for me. It was good to meet you, John Shepherd.” John took his hand and shook it firmly.

 

“You too, Sir.” Jack gave him a quick grin then walked out of the room. The door closed behind him and Jack walked about four steps to his left and opened the door to his own room. He hadn’t told John he was staying right next door. He knew the walls weren’t thick at all so he’d be able to hear it if John started playing the guitar again.

 

Back in Shepherd’s room, John stood there for a moment, hands on his hips, not so sure about what had just happened. After a moment, he shook it off, sat back down on the bed and pulled the guitar back into his lap, sliding his fingers over the strings. Jack O’Neill was an interesting character. Not only that, John thought with a smile, he was damn good looking for someone his age. General… that probably made Jack at least ten years older than John. Which was fine with John. He liked older men. John chuckled almost bitterly. He doubted that the General would be very happy to know that the major flying him out tomorrow thought he was hot. You didn’t make General in the Air Force if you were gay… John sighed and finally picked a song.

 

_How long have I been in this storm?  
So overwhelmed by the oceans shapeless form.  
The water's getting harder to tread   
with these waves crashing over my head.  
  
If I could just see you everything would be alright.  
If I could see you this darkness would turn into light  
and I will walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall,  
and I will get lost into your eyes   
and everything will be alright, and everything will be alright._

From the room next door, Jack O’Neill sat down hard in the chair next to the wall and dropped his head back, listening to the words, the sounds of the guitar and the voice of the man singing. Gods… what a life the younger man had to have lived to be able to sing like that. Then too, John Shepherd had lost all but three men from his ops unit. Jack knew what that was like and apparently this new and improved Air Force no longer cared about a soldier being honorable. They only cared that he followed orders. Jack closed his eyes as John continued singing.

_I know you didn't bring me out here to drown,  
so why am I ten feet under and upside down.  
Barely surviving has become my purpose  
'cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface._

_If I could just see you everything would be alright.  
If I could see you this darkness would turn into light  
and I will walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall,  
and I will get lost into your eyes   
and everything will be alright, and everything will be alright._

Jack felt the tears fall down his face. In the room next door, as he sang the last verse over, tears fell from John’s hazel eyes and he blinked back more, even as the tears caught in his voice and made it sound rough and broken. Unbeknownst to him, Jack could hear that catch in his voice and it made him want to be something he couldn’t be on this base without risking his future.

_and I will walk on water and you will catch me if I fall  
and I will get lost into your eyes   
and everything will be alright  
and everything will be alright._

John put down the guitar and lay back on his bed. He dropped his arm over his eyes, his memories of Afghanistan still playing too vividly in his mind. Almost too quickly, he fell into a troubled sleep. In the room next to his, Jack O’Neill didn’t move from his chair at all. Instead, he closed his eyes and drifted into a light sleep of his own.

 

*********

 

_“Colonel Shepherd! You are ordered to leave the area immediately. Enemy fire is headed your way!” John looked out from his copter and saw his team heading up behind him. It was only a couple of more minutes to the border._

_“Roger that, base. We are on our way - ” There was an explosion and John turned quickly to see the blackhawk near him start to go down. “Base, this is Shepherd. We’ve taken a hit. Chopper two is hit and going down. I repeat, Chopper two is going down. I’m going to land and - ”_

_“Negative, Colonel. Get yourself and the rest of your team back to base now!”_

_“Sir! I can’t just leave them there!”_

_“That is an order, Colonel. Fall back now!”_

_“I’m sorry, Sir. I can’t do that.” John turned his blackhawk around just as Chopper Three was hit and sent into the ground in a nose dive that he knew no one would have survived. Things just got worse from there when his own bird was hit. He managed to keep himself airborne until he crossed the borderline. The chopper sank and the nightmare began again…_

_“You should have saved us…”_

_“You left us there to die…”_

_“They tortured us…”_

_“NO!!”_

 

******

 

“NO! I didn’t leave you!” Jack shot up in his chair as he heard the yelling. “Go away! I tried… I didn’t leave you!” The yelling was coming from Shepherd’s room. Jack ran out of his door and into the empty hallway. Could no one else hear the yelling or was it that no one else cared? He pushed the door open to find Shepherd in his bed battling imaginary demons in his sleep. Jack shut the door and walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge and reaching out to take one of John’s arms.

 

“Major,” he said quietly.

 

“No! It wasn’t my fault! I didn’t do this to them!” Jack blanched visibly. Had he been told the deaths of his comrades was his fault?! He shook John a little harder.

 

“Major Shepherd!” John sat straight up, his eyes opening, but Jack didn’t believe for a moment that he was fully awake.

 

“Please! I didn’t leave them to die! I tried to go back… Don’t DO THIS!” Jack shook him once more, grabbing both arms this time.

 

“John!” he yelled a little more loudly than he’d meant to do, but it served its purpose. John stilled for a moment then slowly let his eyes focus on Jack sitting there with him. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and tried hard to throw up his walls again. Jack knew what he was doing. He’d seen Daniel do it one too many times.  “John?”

 

“I’m… sorry, Sir. I didn’t mean to bother you…” John’s voice trailed off but he hadn’t moved which Jack took as a good sign since he was still holding the younger man’s arms.

 

“Your commanding officer made you leave them behind,” he said quietly. It wasn’t a question, but John nodded slowly. “And then when you got home he blamed you for their deaths.” Again John nodded and Jack saw the control slipping a little as the shaking began again. “And then he had you busted back to major and told you that you weren’t fit for a command and sent you here.” The nod again but now John wouldn’t look at him. Jack shook his head almost angrily. “Were you injured during the mission?” John nodded slowly. “How bad?” John pulled and for a moment Jack didn’t want to release him, but did so after he realized that John didn’t trust himself to talk at the moment. He let go of John’s arms and John turned, sliding his shirt up along his back. Jack recognized the shrapnel scaring immediately. “When did you see a doctor for that?”

 

“After I got back to the States,” John answered quietly. “He had to reopen almost all the wounds to get the shrapnel out.” Jack was glad John wasn’t looking at him just then as a murderous look entered his eyes.

 

“Did your CO know you’d been injured?” John shrugged and turned around slowly, keeping his gaze lowered.

 

“I didn’t tell him, but I assume he knew. You don’t crash a blackhawk without some kind of injuries. I didn’t say anything, though. Figured I was in enough trouble as it was.”

 

“The nightmares. How often do you have them?” John finally looked up at Jack slowly and was confused by the understanding he saw in the older man’s eyes.

 

“Almost every night.” Jack nodded slowly.

 

“Me, too,” he answered softly. John looked so damn young and vulnerable at that moment that it reminded Jack of Daniel. He sighed and decided to take the chance. He kicked off the untied boots and moved so that he was leaning against the headboard of the bed. John watched him for a moment then moved up to lean next to him. It was a start. Jack turned and glanced over at him. “Want me to go?” John shook his head quickly and Jack almost smiled if it hadn’t been such a bad time for them both.

 

“They blame me… in my nightmares… the guys that were killed had been my friends for years… and they blame me so maybe it was my fault.” Jack shook his head then slipped an arm around John’s shoulders, pulling the younger man closer.

 

“Not your fault, John. The enemy killed them, not you. You did what I would have done, if that makes you feel any better. You don’t leave anyone behind for any reason at all.” John noticed the fine tremor running through John’s body again and frowned slightly. Maybe… “You argued before the mission, didn’t you?” John’s head shot up quickly, fear and something akin to anger in his eyes. “What was his name?”

 

“Mitch,” John whispered in a ragged voice. “His name was Mitch and he was my 2IC, but even if there hadn’t been anything, I still would have gone back.” Jack nodded.

 

“I’m not doubting your motives, John. Believe me. I have no room to throw stones.” John frowned slightly. “Don’t do that. Don’t frown like that. You’re fine. I’m not here to do anything to hurt you. I just… I know that look… I know those nightmares… and I know what it’s like to go through it all alone.” John nodded slowly then leaned against Jack, closing his eyes again.

 

“We argued because I didn’t think he was fully prepped for the mission,” he said softly. “He’d been hurt a few days earlier, took a shot to the arm, and I told him he needed to sit out. He told me he was fine. I told him I’d ground him if I had to and he accused me of pulling strings because we were in a relationship. I told him I wanted him safe and that I didn’t think he should fly with an injured arm. He told me I didn’t need to look over his shoulder; that he would take care of himself. Then he walked out. I didn’t see him until we were ready to head out the next evening. He didn’t say a word to me. When his blackhawk was hit, he was screaming through the com and I couldn’t get to him. I’ll never forget that sound as long as I live.” Jack sighed heavily and wrapped his other arm around John tightly, sliding both of them down until Jack’s head was on the pillow and John’s head was resting on Jack’s chest.

 

“I wish I could tell you that you’ll forget with time, but you’re right. You won’t. But you’re not alone.”  There was silence for a few moments and Jack figured the younger man had finally given in to exhaustion. “I’ll make damn sure you don’t stay alone out here past tomorrow. I’ll send you to watch over my boys and you’ll find out what it means to be taken care of again. Promise.” He closed his own eyes and drifted off to sleep. Tomorrow was going to be a busy day…

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------  
  
“Jack!” Jack stepped out of the elevator along with John Shepherd and turned to see Daniel walking towards them. Jack wanted nothing more than to pull Daniel into his arms and hold him, but he didn’t think anyone else would look kindly upon him doing so. Instead he gave Daniel a knowing grin and walked over to him.  
  
“Daniel. Warm welcome.” Daniel smirked and shook his head.  
  
“Wasn’t me. How did you manage to, uh - ” Jack turned and pointed to John.  
  
“Keep my ass from getting blown out of the sky?” Daniel nodded and followed Jack’s gaze as it turned towards Shepherd. “The exceptional flying of Major John Shepherd.” Jack turned back to Daniel and smacked him lightly on the chest. “He likes it here.” Daniel gave Jack a slight frown.  
  
“Exceptional.” He turned and gave John a somewhat surprised look. “You like it here?” John managed a nonchalant shrug as Jack began to walk away, Daniel following him.  
  
“What say we skip to the part where you start talking real fast.” Daniel caught on quickly.  
  
“Ah. Weir’s in here.” Daniel led the way as Jack turned back to John.  
  
“Don’t touch anything.” John nodded stiffly.  
  
“Yes, Sir.” Jack nodded and walked off leaving John to stand in the middle of the room, looking completely lost and bewildered. After a few minutes, John began to explore the room at large and found himself walking towards a small open room that had a chair in the middle of it. There was a man with a Scottish accent speaking to two other workers as he approached.  
  
“They’re lucky,” the man said with a slight chuckle. “I don’t know where it came from. I just tried to concentrate and the drone shut itself down.” John took another step closer, his gaze sharpening on the Scottish man.  
  
“So you’re the one,” he accused softly. The man turned quickly, a look of fear in his blue eyes.  
  
“Me?” John walked closer to him, up the stairs and near the ancient chair.  
  
“You’re the one who fired that thing at me.” Now the Scottish man finally understood. He swallowed past the lump in his throat hoping he could placate the man before him.  
  
“Look. We’re doin’ research here; working with technology that’s lightyears beyond us and we make mistakes. I’m incredibly, incredibly sorry.” John gave him a quick grin.  
  
“Well, next time, just be a little more careful, okay?” The man let out a sigh of relief.  
  
“That’s what I said,” he answered.  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------  
  
Jack, Daniel, Rodney and Dr. Elizabeth Weir were seated in the makeshift lab. Daniel had told Jack about Atlantis, about Pegasus and Rodney had explained about needing a ZPM to power the gate. Jack wasn’t so sure he liked the sound of any of this. He was pretty damn sure he wasn’t going to be sending Daniel through the gate this time. Not by a long shot. He also wasn’t at all thrilled that Rodney had volunteered to go and that, therefore, Carson would be going with him. Jack wanted his boys where he could find them and watch out for them. Then again, perhaps that was why he’d found John Shepherd.  
  
“Well,” Jack finally said after a long moment of silence, “with the amount of power you’ll need to make this trek, odds are it’ll be one way.” His gaze never left Daniel as those words came out of his mouth. Daniel understood then and there that there was no way Jack was going to let him go to Atlantis. Daniel shot a look at Rodney who seemed to realize the same thing. All of this escaped Elizabeth who spoke confidently.  
  
“Yes, we know, but the benefit to humanity far outweighs the risk, General. And it is a risk that every one of my expedition members is willing to take.” Jack glanced at Rodney cautiously. Was that true? Was Rodney so willing to lose Jack and Daniel? Rodney couldn’t say anything but the look in those blue eyes told Jack more than words ever would. He was just about to answer when Carson came running into the lab.  
  
“Dr. Weir! Dr. Jackson! Come quick!” The three men each shot looks at each other then followed Elizabeth and Carson as they headed back to the chair to find John Shepherd sitting there looking even more bewildered than he had when he’d first arrived at the outpost.   
  
“Who is this?” Elizabeth demanded as Jack walked right up to the chair and stood next to it, looking down at Shepherd.  
  
“I said don’t touch anything,” he reminded the younger man. John swallowed harshly, the fear evident on his face.  
  
“I – I just sat down.” Ever the scientist, Rodney took the opportunity to step forward. Daniel threw a quick look at Jack who was busy watching the man in the chair.  
  
“Major,” Rodney snapped, grabbing John’s attention. “Think about where we are in the solar system.” A split second later, a holographic, three-dimensional map of the solar system appeared above their heads. Everyone looked up at it in amazement. Rodney gave a sigh of something akin to disbelief. Daniel glanced at John then back at Jack. _He sure does know how to find them, doesn’t he?_ Daniel thought with a smile. John was still wary.  
  
“Did I do that?” he asked almost incredulously. Jack chuckled and shook his head.  
  
“I think the Major has had enough excitement for one afternoon,” he said calmly as he pulled John out of the chair. “Daniel, why don’t you give him a quick tour and I’ll meet both of you back in the lab shortly.” Daniel nodded and waved towards John. John spared a glance towards Jack who gave him a quick nod of affirmation. John turned and followed Daniel Jackson. Jack turned back to Rodney and Carson. “I’ll meet up with the two of you shortly as well.” Rodney knew that meant the lab, but didn’t say anything. He just grabbed Carson by the arm and pulled the man away from the chair. Jack turned his gaze towards Elizabeth.  
  
“Looks like you found someone else with the Ancient gene, Doctor.” Elizabeth nodded slowly.  
  
“Does that mean I get to take him with us as well?” Jack thought about it for a moment. It would work out very well that way. Daniel would stay here on Earth with Jack and John would go to Atlantis with Rodney and Carson and watch out for them. Yes. That would work just fine.  
  
“You’ll have to ask him, Doctor Weir. I won’t insist he go. He’s been through enough. I’ll bring his file up for you, if you like.” Elizabeth smiled.  
  
“My office is right this way.”  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Daniel walked along the hallways with John, talking quietly, pointing out a few things here and there. John seemed to be paying attention but, beneath it all, Daniel could sense the wariness and fear. He turned a corner and pulled John into an empty room. John looked at him curiously. Daniel smiled.  
  
“I’m not going to hurt you, Major. I’ve been around Jack O’Neill long enough to know when certain things and/or people are off limits. So, let’s not beat around the bush. I’m Daniel Jackson, head of Archeology, Artifacts and Linguistics at Cheyenne Mountain. You are Major John Shepherd of McMurdo base, formerly Colonel John Shepherd before a failed mission in Afghanistan.” John opened his mouth but Daniel cut him off. “I make it a point to check out everyone that comes in close contact with Jack for more than an hour or so at a time.” John’s eyes widened in surprise.  
  
“That explains it, then,” he said quietly. Daniel frowned slightly.  
  
“Explains what?”   
  
“How General O’Neill knew about my past without me saying a word.” Daniel thought for a moment then caught on quickly.  
  
“Ah...” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.” John nodded slightly.  
  
“Thank you.” Daniel looked at him for a moment then sighed softly.  
  
“I’m guessing you and Jack discussed Atlantis and his need to make sure his family is taken care of, yes?” John nodded slowly.  
  
“We did, but when I agreed with him that I’d go, I had no idea that I’d have some gene that makes things react to me and does whatever I think. I’m not so sure I’m comfortable with that, you know? Makes me feel like a freak or something. I don’t like being different.” Daniel smiled.  
  
“Not different, Shepherd. Special.” Daniel looked down at his watch. “We’d better head for the lab. No doubt Jack’s already got Rodney and Carson there waiting for us.” John frowned.  
  
“Who?”  
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
“Daniel. John. Glad you decided to join us.” Daniel and John both gave Jack a sheepish grin as they entered the lab. Jack had to fight the urge to laugh and the urge to keep them both on Earth with him. John made Daniel look less angelic and Daniel made John look more innocent. It was a good combination. Jack shook his head slightly. _Stick to the real reason you called this little meeting, Jack. Think about Daniel and John and naked bodies later… much, much later…_ Rodney cleared his throat, grabbing Jack’s attention.  
  
“Sorry. Okay. Let’s get through this quickly. Major John Shepherd, let me introduce the rest of the family. This is Dr. Rodney McKay and Dr. Carson Beckett. Rodney is an astrophysicist and Carson is a medical doctor. Both will be going to Atlantis with you. Guys, Major Shepherd is Special Ops, like myself, so I expect you both to keep in mind that whatever orders he gives, he does so to keep you both safe, protected and in one piece. He’s my eyes and ears and voice while you’re all in Atlantis. I want all three of you back home in one piece as soon as possible. Are we all on the same page?” Rodney glanced at John for a moment then smirked slightly.  
  
“Do we get to ask why you’re stationed at McMurdo?” Jack wanted to smack Rodney for that one, but John beat him to it.  
  
“Only if I get to ask why you got sent to Siberia.” Daniel stifled a laugh. John wasn’t as dumb as he made out to be. He’d obviously done his studying. Rodney frowned slightly but deep inside he felt a small chip break loose from around his heart. Carson chuckled softly.  
  
“Why don’t we save such stories for a night when we’re all past the point of legal drunkenness, eh?” Jack and Daniel laughed and finally Rodney and John laughed as well. Jack had a feeling everything would be okay.  
  
“Well, you are all scheduled to be at Cheyenne in forty-eight hours. John and Daniel will fly back with me tonight. Rodney, you and Carson will be flying back tomorrow, is that right?” Rodney nodded.  
  
“Yes. We need to close up the apartment and deal with some smaller issues, but then we’ll meet up at say… your place for pizza and beer?” Jack nodded and glanced at Daniel.  
  
“That work for you?” Daniel nodded and slapped John on the shoulder.  
  
“You up for football, pizza and beer before embarking on your first trek through the gate?” John nodded with a grin.  
  
“I thought you’d never ask.”  
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Jack and Daniel’s house, two nights later...  
  
“Hey, Dannyboy. Where are you?” Jack walked out onto the patio and then up the ladder to the roof where he knew Danny had to be hiding so to speak. Rodney and Carson had already settled in for the night in the upstairs guest room and John was asleep in the downstairs guest room. It had been a great night. Jack was certain that John Shepherd would take very good care of Rodney and Carson. He’d seen the way John had looked at Rodney on several occasions during the evening.   
  
“Up here, Jack,” Daniel answered quietly. Jack came up onto the roof and crossed over to where Daniel was sitting in one of the lounge chairs. Daniel scooted forward a little and Jack straddled him from behind, pulling Daniel back against his chest and sighing softly.  
  
“It was a good night, Dannyboy,” Jack said quietly, sliding his fingers up and down Daniel’s arm.  
  
“Yes, it was. I’m glad you brought John back with us, Jack. He’s a good man.” Jack nodded slowly.  
  
“Yes, he is. He’ll take care of Rodney and Carson while they’re in Atlantis. I have no doubts about that.” Daniel nodded as well.  
  
“They’ll take good care of him too, Jack.”  
  
“I hope so.” Daniel turned slightly and looked into Jack’s brown eyes. “What?”  
  
“Something about him bothers you, Jack, but I can’t put my finger on what it is.” Jack sighed heavily.  
  
“He was betrayed by our government, Danny. He went back for his men, ended up losing more of his unit and then was told he was responsible for their deaths, including the death of his lover. They sent him to McMurdo because they figured he’d eventually kill himself over the loss of so many men. They sent him there to die, Danny. I can’t condone that and I don’t understand it. John Shepherd is a good man. One of the best. I know he’ll do whatever it takes to keep our boys safe.” Danny nodded slowly.  
  
“He reminds you of you, doesn’t he?” Jack smiled at his lover.  
  
“Yes, he does. Maybe that’s why I trust him.” Daniel chuckled softly.  
  
“Maybe that’s why Rodney’s so attracted to him.” Jack raised a brow slightly. “Oh yeah. You didn’t notice?” Jack shook his head.  
  
“I saw John throw a few glances Rodney’s way, but no, I never saw Rodney return the looks.” Daniel nodded  
  
“I’d say Dr. Weir is going to have her hands full in Atlantis. Are you sure I can’t go?” Jack pulled Daniel closer to him and kissed him deeply.  
  
“You’re not going anywhere, Dr. Jackson, unless it’s from this chair and into our bed.” Daniel grinned.  
  
“I think that can be arranged…”  
  
\----------------------------------------------------------  
  
John knew when Daniel and Jack had retreated into their bedroom. He gave them a few minutes before leaving his own room and moving upstairs towards Rodney and Carson’s room. He stood outside the door, unsure of what to do or what to say; not even sure if there was anything for him there. He sighed heavily and was just turning away when the door opened slowly and he looked up to find deep blue eyes watching him intensely.  
  
“You don’t have to go,” Rodney said softly. John turned back around and Rodney stepped back, inviting John into the darkened room. John followed him and Rodney closed the door quietly behind them before pulling John towards the bed with him. Once there, John let Rodney undress him without offering any resistance. When he was down to his boxers and t-shirt, Rodney moved and pushed him towards the bed so that John would be lying between Rodney and the sound asleep Carson. Thankfully, it was a king size bed and there was plenty of room. John lay down and rolled onto his side, his back to Rodney. After a moment, the mattress shifted and Rodney lay behind him, his arm sliding across John’s side and pulling him in a little closer. For a moment, Rodney thought John was going to protest but then he seemed to take a deep breath and the tension slowly left his body.   
  
“We’ll be okay,” John whispered softly so as not to wake Carson. “I promised Jack I’d make sure we all came home in one piece.” Rodney nodded but didn’t say anything. Instead, he tightened his hold just a little and kissed the back of John’s head. A few minutes later, John’s breathing was slow and even and Rodney knew he was finally asleep.  
  
“And I promised Daniel I’d look after you,” he said softly as he closed his own eyes. “You don’t have to be alone anymore, John. We’re your family now…”

 

(Six months later)  
  
John was worried. The Genii were gone, but their memory would linger for quite sometime. John wasn’t happy with what he’d done, but he also knew he’d do it again if it were necessary. Carson was laid up with a concussion, but he would be okay soon enough. Rodney was another story all together. He’d spent almost two hours alone with Koyla, according to Elizabeth. John had seen the wound to his arm, but he knew there was more. Rodney refused to look at him and wouldn’t let anyone touch him or come near him. John didn’t relish the idea of having to tell Jack O’Neill about what had happened, but maybe Jack – or Daniel – would have an idea on how to handle Rodney. All John knew was that he wanted Rodney to be okay, and Rodney was anything but okay…  
  
John walked down to his quarters and sat behind his computer where he typed up a brief report and encrypted it so that only Daniel or Jack would be able to read what he’d written. Six months on Atlantis with Rodney had taught John how to read Ancient and he had to assume that at least Daniel knew the language as well. He saved the file to disk then headed for the control room where he found Peter Grodin sitting at the DHD. Peter looked up as John headed for him.  
  
“Hey, Peter. I need you to send this data burst back to the SGC.” Peter nodded and took the disk from John.  
  
“Weekly report?”  
  
“Something like that. Make sure that goes directly to Dr. Jackson okay?”  
  
“Not a problem, Major.” John gave Peter a quick nod then turned and walked away.  
  
___________________________________________________________________  
  
(At the SGC)  
  
“Dr. Jackson!” Daniel Jackson had just walked into the control room to meet up with Colonel Mitchell when he heard his name being called. He took the steps two at a time up into the control room and stopped next to the young sergeant who had called him.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Incoming data burst from Atlantis. Priority one, encoded, for you.”  
  
“Send it to my office, Sergeant.”  
  
“Yes, Sir.” Daniel turned and headed back down the steps where Cameron was waiting for him.  
  
“Got a minute?” Daniel stopped and looked up at him, giving him a slight smile before nodding.  
  
“Walk with me,” he answered quietly. Cameron nodded and fell into step next to him. “Feeling any better?”  
  
“Not really,” Cameron answered quietly. “I’m pretty convinced that O’Neill hates me.” Daniel shook his head.  
  
“He doesn’t hate you, Cameron. He hates that he took the promotion and that he’s now stuck behind a desk and can’t go with us through the gate anymore. That’s what’s eating at him.” Cameron nodded and sighed heavily.  
  
“I guess that makes sense.” Daniel opened the door to his office and Cameron followed him inside.  
  
“I know I’m right,” Daniel said as he turned to face Cameron. “Listen, I need to read this message that just came through but, when I’m done, how about we grab some pizza and find a movie?” Cameron smiled and took a step closer.  
  
“Is that all you had in mind, Dr. Jackson?” Daniel grinned up at Cameron, a mischievous look in his blue eyes. He and Cameron had been playfully flirting back and forth now for about a month. Daniel kind of enjoyed it.  
  
“Actually - ”  
  
“Daniel’s going to be a bit busy tonight, Colonel,” came the unmistakable voice of General Jack O’Neill. Cameron shot Daniel a quick glance then turned around to face the General.  
  
“Of course, Sir. My apologies. Excuse me.” He turned and glanced back at Daniel. “Dr. Jackson,” he said quietly.  
  
“Colonel,” Daniel acknowledged softly. Cameron nodded and walked out of Daniel’s office as Jack slammed the door shut behind him. Daniel sighed heavily and walked around the desk, sitting in front of his computer. Jack watched him almost angrily.  
  
“Colonel Mitchell?” he asked almost incredulously.  
  
“Leave it alone, Jack,” Daniel said as he found the message.  
  
“You can’t be serious!”  
  
“Son of a bitch!” Daniel muttered under his breath. Jack raised a brow in shock.  
  
“Daniel!” he bellowed and Daniel looked up at him.  
  
“That wasn’t aimed at you, Jack. Shepherd sent an encoded message written entirely in Ancient.” Jack frowned and walked around to look over Daniel’s shoulder, their argument momentarily forgotten as the translation program began to work on the message. Daniel choked back a harsh sob and Jack gripped his shoulder tightly. Oh John, Jack thought to himself, sixty men because they threatened to kill Rodney… I don’t blame you at all.  
  
“Rodney…” Daniel whispered.  
  
“Dear God,” Jack said as he finished the message. “What did we send them in to?”  
  
“We have to get them back home, Jack.” Jack sighed heavily.  
  
“We don’t have a ZPM and the Daedelus won’t be ready for another four months. John needs answers now.” Daniel thought for a moment, his anger turning into frustration. Finally he looked up at Jack.  
  
“You have the answers he needs, Jack. Type it up, I’ll encrypt it and send it out tonight before we go home.”  
  
“All right, love,” Jack whispered, kissing the top of Daniel’s head. “Give me half an hour.” He turned and headed for the office door.  
  
“Jack?” Jack stopped and turned back. “Make sure you convey to the three of them that we are going to get them home soon and that we… that we do still love all of them very much.”  
  
“Of course, Danny.” Jack turned and walked out of Daniel’s office, closing the door behind him. Once he was gone, Daniel dropped his head onto his desk and cried.  
  
______________________________________________________________  
  
(Atlantis – two hours later)  
  
John stood just outside the science lab, wincing in pain at the sound of each crash and each anguished yell. Finally, he’d had enough. He thought the door open and stepped inside just as Rodney ran out of energy and anger and collapsed to his knees on the floor, head in his hands, rocking back and forth. The sight almost broke John’s heart. He thought the door closed and locked as he walked over and knelt down next to Rodney.  
  
“Rodney,” he said softly before putting an arm around the broken man before him. When Rodney didn’t flinch or pull away, John took it as a good sign. “I’m here, Rodney. No matter what, I’m here.” The rocking stopped and John gently pulled Rodney closer to him, off his knees and almost into his lap. It was a strange feeling for John. Over the past few months, since they’d arrived at Atlantis, John had been developing feelings for the brash, egocentric scientist. During the past forty-eight hours, John had begun to realize, it wasn’t just friendship or protectiveness. John was in love with Rodney. John was about to speak when Rodney tensed and John relaxed his hold.  
  
“Don’t,” Rodney whispered and John wasn’t sure what to do. “You shouldn’t… I mean, I’m not… what he did…” Rodney’s voice trailed off, unable to continue that particular line of thought. John gently placed his hand on the side of Rodney’s face and turned him so that Rodney could face him. What John saw in those ocean blue eyes would haunt him for a very long time.  
  
“You did nothing wrong, Rodney. Nothing. What happened changes nothing between you and me. I am still here for you.” Rodney didn’t seem to know what to say. He wasn’t even sure he’d understood John correctly. “This probably isn’t the best time to bring this up, but I need to say it. I thought I’d lost you today, Rodney. I didn’t like the way that made me feel. I didn’t like the way my heart felt as if it had died.”  
  
“When Koyla started sending all of his men after you, I thought I’d never see you again,” Rodney whispered. John took a deep breath and Rodney saw those eyes go from worry into pain and fear. Rodney was lost.  
  
“Can you forgive me?” John asked quietly. Rodney’s eyes widened in shock.  
  
“For what?!” he demanded, not sure what side road they’d just been deviated to in their conversation.  
  
“I just killed sixty men in cold blood,” he whispered.  
  
“Why’d you kill them, John?” John gave Rodney a quizzical look.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Why’d you kill them?”  
  
“Because I thought Koyla had killed you, or that he was going to kill you. I wanted to make damn sure he knew that he wouldn’t get away with it.” Rodney leaned forward and kissed him gently.  
  
“Then I can forgive you.” Not knowing what to do, John slid his hand along the side of Rodney’s face and held him there, just inches away from each other, feeling the warmth of Rodney’s breath against his own mouth.  
  
“And if I said I’d do it again?” Rodney thought for a moment then gave John a rare smile, slow and sweet, and filled with raw emotion.  
  
“I’d forgive you now and then.” John leaned in that last couple of inches and kissed Rodney gently.  
  
“I love you, Rodney McKay. Nothing – NOTHING – will ever change that.” Rodney nodded slowly, but John saw the uncertainty in his blue eyes. “You don’t have to tell me what Koyla did to you, Rodney, but promise me you’ll talk to someone. I don’t want to lose you. Ever.” Rodney nodded slowly.  
  
“Tired,” he whispered and John noticed the fine tremor that had begun in the scientist’s hands as he took hold of them.  
  
“I know just the place where we can both sleep and not be interrupted.” Rodney raised a brow slightly but didn’t ask any questions as he pushed himself to his feet with John’s help. They exited the science lab and walked to the nearest transporter. Once inside, John tapped the screen near one of the towers on the east side of the base. A moment later the doors opened and John took Rodney’s hand in his and led him down the hallway towards a door at the end of the hall. John thought the door open and ushered Rodney inside, closing and locking the door behind them.  
  
The room itself wasn’t all that large, but it was larger than what either of them currently had as far as quarters went. And this was just the living area. There was a large picture window that gave off a magnificent view of the water surrounding Atlantis. It was nighttime now and the moon shone down on the water. John led Rodney to a smaller room off to the left of the living area and dim lights came on as they entered it. In the middle of the room was a king-size bed covered in ocean blue bedding. Another window perched at the opposite end of the room but was covered by an opaque sheath of white that could be moved aside to reveal a door opening onto a balcony. John pulled Rodney towards the bed and finally Rodney understood.  
  
They undressed in silence and John winced as Rodney removed his shirt. Rodney’s back was a myriad of bruises and welts. John wanted to wring Koyla’s neck with his bare hands in that instant. When Rodney removed his pants, John felt as if he might lose what little self-control he had left. There were bruises running from the backs of Rodney’s knees to underneath the tops of the legs on his boxers. There were also bloodstains and who knew what else. John reached out and rested a hand on Rodney’s shoulder softly before turning him towards the bathroom. He knew Rodney was exhausted because he didn’t even argue; he just let himself be led. John recognized the early signs of shock finally setting in.  
  
Once inside the bathroom, John ran warm water in the large tub and finished helping Rodney get undressed before helping him into the water and letting him sit down in it. He watched Rodney look at him before closing those blue eyes of his and sighing softly. John leaned over, kissing him on the temple.  
  
“Be right back,” he whispered softly. Rodney mumbled and nodded slowly and John left the bathroom and went back into the bedroom where he pulled two blankets down from the closet and spread them across the bed. Rodney would need them as the shock continued to settle in. John had been through all of this himself, but he’d been alone. He wasn’t going to leave Rodney alone. After the coldness came the fever and chills, then the nightmares and, eventually, numbness. It would take a few days.  
  
He picked up his earpiece and walked towards the balcony.  
  
“Elizabeth this is Shepherd.”  
  
“Go ahead, John.”  
  
“I’m going to need about five days of leave, Elizabeth. For that matter, so is Rodney. Would you ask Carson to come see us late tomorrow afternoon?”  
  
“Where can he find you?”  
  
“East pier, fifth level, far end of the hallway.”  
  
“All right, John. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”  
  
“Send a message to SGC, personal to Daniel Jackson. Tell him I’ll take care of everything.”  
  
“Okay, John. Take care.”  
  
“Thanks.” John removed the earpiece and walked back into the bathroom. Rodney was lying back against the tub, eyes still closed, but there were tears falling down his face. John sighed heavily then knelt down and slid one hand through Rodney’s hair. Rodney slowly opened his eyes and looked up at John.  
  
“Cold,” he whispered. John nodded.  
  
“I know, Rodney. Come on out and we’ll get warm. Promise.” Rodney let John help him out of the tub and managed to dry himself off, wincing in pain a few times before he finally was dry. John handed him clean boxers and Rodney took them before letting himself be led to the bed. John pulled back the blankets and sheets and Rodney lay down, his eyes closing quickly as he did so. John finished undressing down to his own boxers then crawled in next to Rodney, pulling the other man to him and holding him gently. Rodney’s head settled in against John’s chest and his arm wrapped around John’s stomach. John felt the shivering and pulled the blankets up around them.  
  
“J’hn,” Rodney whispered through shivering teeth.  
  
“Shh, Rodney. I’m here. Everything will be okay. I promise. Go to sleep.”  
  
“’K, J’hn,” he answered and John closed his eyes, fighting back his own tears.  
  
I promise, Rodney. No one will ever get the chance to hurt you again as long as I’m around to protect you…  
  
“Love you, Rodney.” John’s breathing slowed and he drifted off to sleep. Rodney opened on eye and looked up at the man holding him and sighed his relief quietly.  
  
“Love you, too, John.”

 

 _\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
_  
“Come on, Jack,” Daniel Jackson said in a tone that lay somewhere between aggravated and antagonistic.   
  
“Still no, Daniel,” Jack O’Neill insisted as they exited the elevator and headed for Jack’s office. Doesn’t he get it? Does he still not understand?  
  
“It doesn’t have to be on a permanent basis!” Jack stopped and grabbed Daniel by the arm, pulling him in rather close, those hazel eyes of his flashing in anger and something akin to… jealousy?  
  
“I didn’t let you go in the first place! What makes you think I’m going to change my mind?”  
  
“Because…” Daniel struggled to find the words, but he could sense Jack’s anger and his fear. After all, they’d almost lost Rodney to a race of people that were the Lantean’s enemies. Jack shook his head and let go of Daniel’s arm.  
  
“Can you try to do better than that?” He turned and began to walk away. Daniel turned and followed after him.  
  
“Because they’re gonna need someone who can translate Ancient and I am the most qualified person left on the planet for the mission.”  
  
“Which is exactly why you’re going to stay right here!” They came to a stop right outside Jack’s door and Jack turned to face him and saw the anger in Daniel’s eyes.  
  
“Because I’ll quit,” he said quietly. Jack rolled his eyes.  
  
“Why don’t you just hold your breath? You haven’t tried that in a while.”  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
(On Atlantis)  
  
“Well, you seem perfectly fine,” Carson Beckett said softly as he removed the blood pressure cuff from Rodney McKay’s arm. Rodney smirked, looking both put out and uncomfortable.  
  
“Well, Dumais seemed fine right up to the point where she wasn’t.” Carson sighed behind the hood of his HAZMAT suit. There was going to be no arguing with Rodney today.  
  
“I’ve had them set up a small field station down the corridor. We’ve already started the autopsies.” Rodney nodded as he slid off the desk and stood there next to his lover.  
  
“Any ideas?” Carson sighed again.  
  
“From what we can tell, you’re all in good shape, so I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions.” Rodney shook his head.  
  
“Stop trying to convince me I’m fine, Carson,” he said irritably. “I think we all know better.” Carson stepped back a little, not sure how to respond.  
  
“I was just trying to…”  
  
“Are we done here?” Rodney interrupted, no longer looking at Carson. Carson nodded slowly.  
  
“Yes,” he answered quietly. Rodney nods and walks away from Carson and towards and Ancient console. Carson sighs heavily and walks out of the room towards the field station. He taps his headset as he does so.  
  
“Major Shepherd, this is Dr. Beckett.”  
  
“Go ahead, Carson,” John answered worriedly.  
  
“I’ve just checked out Rodney myself. I’m not sure how long we have, but I’ll do everything I can for him.”  
  
“Understood.” Carson heard the line cut off and found himself torn inside over how to carry all this emotional weight. If something were to happen to Rodney, Carson knew that John might never survive it. Then too, Carson didn’t want to face life on Atlantis with Rodney either. If he was able to save them all this time, Carson decided he wanted to go back home… with his family.  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
(SGC)  
  
“Daniel!” Daniel turned and found Jack walking towards him. Daniel could only imagine how this conversation was going to go. Daniel had gone with General Hammond to the Prometheus and had barely managed to escape being held hostage. To make matters worse, they’d had to return to Earth without even getting close to Pegasus to check up on their people. Daniel didn’t think things could get much worse. He turned and walked into his office knowing Jack would follow him. Daniel had just sat down on the edge of his desk when Jack walked in, closing the door behind him.  
  
“Go ahead, Jack. Get it over with, would you? I’ve got things to do so I can go home.” Jack turned and looked at his lover, saw the weariness and uncertainty in those beautiful blue eyes. Jack’s anger receded and he moved over to Daniel and bent down, peering into those eyes.  
  
“You’re okay?” Daniel nodded slowly. “Did you get checked out by the doc?” Daniel nodded again, still not saying anything, but Jack could see his eyes. Something haunted Daniel and Jack wanted to know what it was. “Do you have anything that has to be done today?”  
  
“You’re the man in charge, Jack. You tell me.” Jack sighed heavily. Daniel was trying to pick a fight, which meant one of two things. Either Daniel was sick and wanted to keep Jack away from him or Daniel was hurting and wanted to keep Jack away from him. Either way, Jack wasn’t going anywhere.  
  
“All right. I’ll tell you. You’ve got half an hour to change and get down to the truck before I get there. We’re going home and you will be on stand-down for the next seventy-two hours. I’ll let SG-1 know on my way out.”  
  
“But, Jack…” Jack stepped back and Daniel saw the look in his eyes.  
  
“Half an hour, Daniel. I’m not kidding around.” Jack turned and walked out of Daniel’s office and Daniel sighed heavily. He had moved into his chair when he heard a knock at his door.  
  
“Yes?” He called out. The door opened and he saw Cameron Mitchell standing hesitantly at the door. Daniel’s features softened a little and he waved Cameron into his office. Cameron walked in and closed the door behind him.  
  
“I just wanted to check on you, Daniel,” he said quietly. “I heard what happened.” Daniel leaned back and sighed heavily.  
  
“You know, I keep trying to prove myself, Cameron and each time I think I’m going to be able to do so, this kind of shit happens to me. I’m tired of it. I am so tired of it all.” Cameron walked over and sat on the edge of Daniel’s desk.  
  
“Quit trying to prove yourself, Daniel. You already have, time and time again. You opened the Stargate, cheated death more times than I can count, saved everyone’s ass more times than even SGC can count. You have nothing left to prove. Stop being so hard on yourself.” Daniel looked up at him curiously.  
  
“You really think I’m that good?” Cameron chuckled softly.  
  
“Yeah. I really think you’re that good.” Daniel smiled and stood slowly. Cameron watched him as he moved closer. Gently, Cameron reached out and rested a hand on Daniel’s arm. Daniel covered the hand with his own.  
  
“I’ll be okay, Cameron. I’m just… tired.” Cameron nodded slowly and tilted his head up just as Daniel leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. “Thanks for coming to check on me, Cameron. Really. I appreciate it.” Cameron slid his hand up behind Daniel’s neck and pulled him down closer, kissing him softly on the lips. For a moment, Daniel wasn’t sure what to do, but then he returned the kiss, his hands moving up to either side of Cameron’s neck, holding there as they kissed. Cameron’s hands moved down along Daniel’s arms to his waist and pulled him closer, never breaking contact with his mouth.  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
(Atlantis)  
  
John watched Carson and Rodney leave Elizabeth’s office and was ready to follow them when Elizabeth spoke.  
  
“John.” He turned around slowly. “I hope you and I have reached an understanding on this.” John nodded once, but Elizabeth could see the anger and fear in his eyes. “I understand your need to protect your people but understand my need to do the same.”  
  
“I do, Elizabeth, but I wasn’t willing to sacrifice the lives of our scientists, whom we need, just because you couldn’t see past civilian duty. Look, I’m tired. You’re tired. I don’t want either of us to say anything else that could be construed as being harsh or hurtful. Agreed?” Elizabeth nodded.  
  
“Agreed. You’re dismissed, Major.” John nodded and turned to leave the office. As he walked down the hallways, he found Carson standing near the transporter. Rodney was nowhere to be seen. Carson turned as John approached.  
  
“He’s gone up to the east pier,” he said quietly. John nodded but didn’t move to follow. Carson sighed heavily. “I didn’t know how to save him, John,” he whispered. “I didn’t know what to do for him.” John reached out and rested a hand on Carson’s arm.  
  
“He’s alive, Carson. It will all be okay. Look, you off duty for a while?” Carson nodded slowly. “Good. Come on.” He literally pulled Carson with him into the transporter as the doors closed. A moment later, the doors opened and Carson followed him down the hall and towards the room John and Rodney now used on most occasions. John opened the door and ushered Carson inside. They both heard the shower running and John rolled his eyes and gave Carson a slight grin. Carson returned the smile then turned and walked out onto the balcony and sat down near the railing. John watched him for a moment then turned and walked through the bedroom and into the bathroom just as Rodney stepped out of the shower.  
  
“You can’t knock?” Rodney said without ever looking at his lover. John closed the door behind him and grabbed Rodney by the arms, pulling him close and kissing him harshly. Rodney returned the kiss but John refused to release his arms. After a moment, John broke the kiss and Rodney met those fiery hazel eyes.  
  
“Would you please stop trying to kill yourself?! I can’t take it anymore!” Rodney looked at him in disbelief.  
  
“What are you talking about?” John let go of his arms and leaned against the door.  
  
“Ever since what happened with the Genii, you’ve had some kind of a death wish. First when we lost Gaul and Abrams to that Wraith and now with this damn nanovirus thing. It may not be a conscious decision on your part, but gods, Rodney! Please stop… I can’t stand a life here without you!”  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
(SGC)  
  
Cameron had maneuvered them to where he had Daniel’s body trapped between his body and the door. Hands moved, mouths locked, and soft sounds could be heard between the rustling of clothes. Daniel’s breathing was more ragged than Cameron’s but that had only happened in the last minute or so. They were both trying to calm their bodies and minds and finally, Cameron broke their last kiss and his eyes met Daniel’s. There was something… serene in those blue eyes that Cameron knew he could get lost in if he wasn’t careful.  
  
“You know, for once, I agree with General O’Neill.” Daniel gave him a curious gaze. “I don’t want you setting foot off this planet unless I’m right there with you and I know you’re coming back home.” Daniel rolled his eyes but chuckled softly.  
  
“I always knew you and Jack would find something in common.” Cameron almost laughed until Daniel grew frantic and grabbed his arm, looking at his watch. “Damnit!”  
  
“What?” Cameron asked.  
  
“I was supposed to meet Jack out at the truck five minutes ago. He’s going to come looking for me.” They both took in the look of the other. This was not going to be good. They quickly set about righting their clothes and hair and Daniel leaned over, kissing Cameron softly. “We’ll talk when I get back. I think I have an idea.”  
  
“Do I even want to know?” Daniel grinned and Cameron shook his head. “You’re evil.”  
  
“Yeah, but I’m right. I’ll see you in a few days.” Daniel turned and left the office, jogging down the hallways to the elevator. The elevator doors opened and Jack stepped out then stopped as he saw Daniel standing there looking somewhat sheepish. “Sorry, Jack. I got distracted.” Jack gave him a wary look then stepped back into the elevator, pulling Daniel with him. The doors closed and the two men stood there just looking at each other in silence. After a couple of moments, the doors opened and they turned and walked out to the truck, again in silence. At the truck, Daniel stopped and turned to face Jack slowly.  
  
“Are you going to talk to me, Jack? If not, tell me now and I’ll go to the apartment.” Jack stepped closer and backed Daniel against the side of the truck.  
  
“You’re coming home with me, Danny, right where you belong. Do not argue with me. Not here.” Daniel swallowed past the lump in his throat and nodded slightly. Jack stepped back and Daniel opened the door and climbed into the truck. Jack slammed the door and walked around to the driver’s side, climbing into the truck as well. He jammed the key into the ignition and clicked his seatbelt in place. Daniel reached out and put his hand on Jack’s arm. For a moment, Jack’s eyes closed and Daniel could see him fighting so hard for his self-control. It was only then that Daniel realized Jack wasn’t angry, but he was fighting with himself for control. Daniel squeezed Jack’s arm then released him and sat back. After a moment, Jack opened his eyes, put the truck in gear and headed for the house.  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
(Atlantis)  
  
Rodney watched John for a moment even as he tugged a towel around his waist and tied it in place. Something inside of Rodney felt broken and yet he struggled to raise his own walls once more.  
  
“I’m sorry if my ability to deal with all that’s happened isn’t up to par with what you expect, Major,” he bit out angrily. “Maybe I should just go back to my labs.” John shook his head and reached out, his hand on Rodney’s arm.  
  
“Don’t, Rodney. You’re not dealing with this at all. You seem to forget who sleeps at your side every night these days. I know the nightmares. I know the anguish. I know the pain. Don’t pull away from me. Not now. Not ever.” Rodney seemed to be looking right through him and John dropped his hand away, sighing softly. “I didn’t even make a dent, did I?” There was a catch in his voice that made Rodney wince slightly. “I tried, though. I thought I could be the one to break down those walls around your heart. I thought, if I tried hard enough, I could find a place where I was wanted, needed. I came here because I needed you and Carson. I needed to feel alive and you both made me feel that way. I’m sorry I couldn’t do the same for either of you.” John turned and walked out of the bathroom, closing the door gently behind him. He looked up to find Carson standing right there.  
  
“John…” Carson began but John held up a hand to stop him from continuing.  
  
“My mistake,” he whispered softly as the door behind him opened. Carson saw the pain in those hazel eyes. “You two take care of each other. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. I knew that the moment I met you both back in Antarctica. And I’m okay with it. My job is to keep you both safe and get you back home in one piece. I’ll do my job. Don’t worry.”  
  
“John, please, just wait,” Rodney pleaded from behind him. John took a deep breath and brought his head up and Rodney felt his eyes fill with tears. “John…”  
  
“I’m sorry, Dr. McKay,” he said, not even turning around. “Perhaps you should get some rest. I’m sure Dr. Beckett will be more than willing to stay here with you and keep an eye on you for a few days. I’ll be around later.” With that said, John walked out of the room, leaving Carson and Rodney staring after him, not sure what had just happened. The door slammed shut and Rodney visibly winced in reaction. Carson turned to look at him almost sadly.  
  
“What did we do, Rodney?” Carson asked softly. Rodney slowly shook his head.  
  
“I’m not sure we’ll ever fix this…” Outside the room, John walked down the hallways and into the transporter. The doors closed around him but he didn’t touch the screen. He slid down to his knees, dropped his head into his hands and cried at his loss… a loss of something he now thought he’d never had in the first place.  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Daniel followed Jack into their home and closed the door behind them. Jack walked into his study and Daniel followed him, neither of them saying a word. Jack stopped just near the desk before turning to face Daniel. Daniel saw something he couldn’t quite read in Jack’s eyes.  
  
“Jack?”  
  
“Tell me about Colonel Mitchell, Daniel,” Jack said calmly. Daniel frowned for a moment.  
  
“You’ve read his file, Jack. You probably know more about him than I do.” Jack gave him a slight smirk.  
  
“I somehow doubt that, Daniel.” Daniel frowned again. He’s calling me Daniel again. I’m in serious trouble here. What did I do?  
  
“I don’t understand what you’re asking for, Jack.” Jack sighed heavily and leaned against the desk, folding his arms across his chest.  
  
“Why were you late meeting me at the truck?” Jack asked quietly.  
  
“I got busy. I wasn’t paying attention to the time. I’m sorry.” Jack nodded slowly. Daniel was starting to worry. This was not a Jack O’Neill he was used to dealing with. “Look, Jack, I know you were worried after all that happened on the Prometheus, but I’m okay. I swear. I just got distracted and lost track of time. I’m sorry. I wasn’t deliberately avoiding you.”  
  
“I know that, Daniel. If I’d thought you were avoiding me, we’d be having a different conversation. But this isn’t about that. This is about you and me and what happens from here.” Daniel frowned and took a step closer but Jack held up a hand to stop him.  
  
“What do you mean, Jack?” Jack swallowed past the lump in his throat.  
  
“I’m out, Daniel. Once I reach my year mark as General, I’m retiring. I’m done with all of this. What I need to know is whether or not you’re going to retire with me or stay here with Colonel Mitchell.”   
  
“What does Mitchell have to do with any of this, Jack?"  
  
“You tell me, Daniel.” Daniel was getting frustrated.  
  
“Stop calling me Daniel! Why are you so upset with me, Jack? Tell me. Spell it out because I’m not seeing the whole picture here!” Jack stood up and reached into his pocket and withdrew an envelope and threw it at Daniel. Daniel caught it and opened it, pulling out five surveillance photos. Daniel looked through each one then looked back up at Jack, his features paling slightly. “Jack…” Jack shook his head.  
  
“Don’t tell me it’s not what I think, Daniel. I deserve the truth. After eight and a half years, I deserve the truth.” Daniel dropped the envelope into the chair and walked towards Jack. This time Jack didn’t stop him, but Daniel didn’t reach out to touch him.  
  
“It’s nothing like what I feel for you, Jack. You are my heart and my soul and everything that lives within me. Cameron is new… someone who sees me, not as a geek or a nuisance. He sees me as an asset, as someone to be trusted, someone to be talked with not about. He sees… me.” Jack nodded slowly. “I don’t love him, Jack. I love you.”  
  
“If Rodney had stayed with us, would this have happened?” Daniel winced as if he’d been slapped. “I’m guessing you haven’t even thought about Rodney in all of this.”  
  
“No,” Daniel whispered softly. “I haven’t.” Jack nodded again. “Jack, I…”  
  
“Don’t, Daniel. Just… don’t.” Jack pushed off the desk and moved away from Daniel. “I’m going to Washington for a couple of weeks. When I come home, you need to have made a decision about us. I know what I want and I know what I’m willing to give and not give in order to keep us together. You need to decide the same. When I come home, we’ll talk. Not before then.” Daniel took a step but Jack gave him a look that made him stop short. “Just… go, Daniel. Just go.”  
  
“Jack, please…”  
  
“Go, Daniel, before we both say things we can’t take back.” Daniel gave Jack one last pleading look before turning away. He reached the door and turned back for a brief moment.  
  
“I’m sorry, Jack,” he whispered. “I do love you.” Jack said nothing and Daniel turned and walked out of the study, closing the door behind him. Jack waited for the sound of Daniel walking up the stairs before he turned and threw a paperweight against the wall, watching the glass pieces shatter and fall to the floor.   
  
_Damn you, Daniel. You said we’d get it right this time. You said we’d spend our lives together. We were going to retire and bring the boys home and be a family, all of us. Why did you have to bring Cameron Mitchell into all of this…_  
  
Upstairs, Daniel sank down onto the bed, unable to think clearly. He had his choices. Jack or Cameron. Family or someone he’d only just begun to get to know. He had two weeks… it was going to be a very hard two weeks…

(Atlantis)  
  
John waited in the jumper bay as Rodney returned from the Ancient satellite. It had been two weeks since John had walked out on Rodney and Carson just after the nanovirus incident. Both men had tried to corner John on more than one occasion, but John had managed to get away from them. Now, though, John had decided that he was tired of running. He stood in the shadows and watched as everyone left the jumper bay except for Rodney. Rodney was still sitting inside the jumper alone. John stepped out of the shadows and walked towards the jumper, his gaze never leaving Rodney, but Rodney didn’t see him. Rodney was sitting in the pilot’s seat, bent forward, head in his hands. John entered the jumper and quietly approached Rodney.  
  
“I couldn’t save him,” Rodney whispered softly through the tears. “I sat there and watched him die and I couldn’t stop it. It should’ve been me…”  
  
“No,” John replied, still standing behind him. “You can’t take everyone’s place, Rodney. Part of being in charge is being able to learn how to let go.”  
  
“You sound like Jack did after Daniel died,” Rodney said softly. “But it still should’ve been me. Peter was…” he trailed off and John saw the shaking begin. He walked around and knelt down in front of Rodney. He saw the tears trailing down Rodney’s face and reached up to gently brush them away.  
  
“Rodney, look at me.” Rodney looked at his former lover. “I am sorry that we lost Peter. He was a good man and good at his job. But I am also a selfish bastard because I’m glad we lost him and not you. I need you here, with me. I can’t do any of this alone.”  
  
“You left…”  
  
“ I was an idiot and I was wrong,” John interrupted, his hand still cradling Rodney’s face. “I didn’t quite understand the depths of your heart; that you could love Daniel and Jack and Carson and still love me, too. I get that now, baby. Please forgive me for leaving like I did…”  
  
(Colorado)  
  
Daniel paced the living room of the house he shared with Jack. It had been, without doubt, the longest and hardest two weeks of his life. Jack was due home any minute and Daniel had everything he needed to say all planned out. He could only hope that Jack would listen to him.  
  
After Jack had left for Washington, Daniel had gone back to his apartment and had been staying there the past two weeks, unable to come back here knowing that Jack wouldn’t be waiting for him. Jack hadn’t called him in those two weeks and Daniel had been afraid to call his lover; afraid that Jack would tell him he’d changed his mind and wouldn’t be coming home to him. Daniel had been hurt in a recent mission and he was afraid Jack would blame Cameron for that injury. Daniel had pleaded with Cameron not to list the injury in his reports and Cameron had said he couldn’t do that. Daniel had been shot while protecting his CO and Teal’c. Daniel was still limping somewhat as a result of that injury. He knew the place might be infected but right now, nothing mattered to him except saving his relationship with Jack. He’d keep Jack with him or die trying.  
  
  
Jack O’Neill pulled the truck to a stop in his driveway and saw Daniel’s car sitting there as well. He let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and leaned back for a moment. He’d had a call from Colonel Mitchell earlier that morning, explaining what had happened that day at SGC when Jack had left for DC as well as what had happened in the recent mission that had left Daniel injured. Cameron had also told Jack that he had not been trying to steal Daniel away from him, that he only wanted what was best for the archaeologist and if it was causing a rift in the relationship, Cameron would back off. Jack hadn’t known what to say. He wasn’t so good with people being so open and honest with him, unless it was Daniel. Daniel… Daniel was inside the house, hurting both physically and emotionally and Jack had to do what he could to make him feel better.  
  
Jack slid out of the truck, leaving his bags in the back. They could wait. He walked up the front sidewalk and opened the door, to find Daniel standing in the middle of the living room watching him walk into their home. Daniel swallowed past the lump in his throat when he noticed Jack didn’t have his luggage with him. _Oh gods… he’s leaving me for good. He didn’t even bring his stuff back with him. Why… you said we’d talk… that you’d give me a chance… what changed your mind… oh please Jack…_  
  
Jack watched the play of emotions going on his lover’s eyes and closed the door behind him. He dropped his cap onto the table and unbuttoned the jacket of his blues, hanging it on the back of the chair before walking further into the house. He walked past the sofa and stopped just in front of Daniel. Daniel couldn’t speak. He was terrified beyond anything he’d ever felt in his life. Jack was leaving him… he just knew it. Jack saw the tears in Daniel’s eyes and reached for him, only to have Daniel back away from him. Jack frowned slightly.  
  
“Danny,” he said softly. Daniel stopped and his gaze shot up to meet Jack’s. Jack understood. “Oh, Danny, no… come here.” He reached out and pulled the younger man to him, pulling him close and holding him tightly. He felt Daniel’s arms slowly wrap around him and again he breathed a sigh of relief. “Shh, Danny. It’s okay. I’m home. I’m here. I’m staying. I’m not going to leave you.”  
  
“But your bags…” came the muffled reply and Jack chuckled softly.  
  
“I left them in the truck. I wanted to see you. I didn’t give a damn about the bags at that moment. I didn’t even think about what you’d assume when I came in without them. I’m so sorry, love.” Daniel released the sob he’d been fighting against and Jack held him more tightly. “I will do whatever I need to do to keep you with me, Danny. Always. I won’t let you go. Not now, not ever.”  
  
“I love you, Jack,” Daniel said softly. Jack kissed the top of Daniel’s head and pulled back from him.  
  
“Love you too, Danny.” He took in the disheveled appearance and the black circles under Daniel’s blue eyes and his gaze turned from relief to worry. “When was the last time you slept or ate, Danny?”  
  
“Uhm…” Daniel had a hard time answering that question. When had it been? He couldn’t remember. Jack frowned and slid a hand up alongside Daniel’s face.  
  
“Damnit, Danny. You’re burning up!” He pulled Daniel down to the sofa, pushing him onto his back and sliding his hand through Daniel’s short hair. “What happened while I was gone?” Not that Jack didn’t already know, but he wanted to see what Daniel would tell him, if anything.  
  
“It’s nothing, Jack. I’ll be okay. Really.” Daniel tried to sit up but Jack pushed him back down, a warning look in his hazel eyes.  
  
“Nothing?” Jack slowly shook his head. “You went on a mission with SG-1 less than forty-eight hours ago. You were shot while protecting Colonel Mitchell and Teal’c. You wouldn’t stay in the infirmary and you wouldn’t let anyone take care of you. Where did you get shot?” Daniel didn’t see any sense in arguing so he pointed to his upper left leg. “Take off the pants, Danny and let me see how bad it is.” Daniel raised a brow slightly and Jack gave him an exasperated sigh. Daniel slowly undid the belt and zipper to his pants and slid them down slowly, wincing in pain as he did so. Jack immediately saw why. The area around the wound was various shades of red, dark and bright, and was extremely hot to the touch. He barely touched the area and Daniel screamed in pain.  
  
“Don’t!” Daniel yelled trying to pull away from his lover. Jack grabbed Daniel by the arm and Daniel met his gaze.  
  
“Don’t move, Danny. Not one sound, either. I cannot believe you came home like this! Are you out of your mind?” Daniel tried to throw up the walls around himself as quickly as possible.  
  
“What do you care, Jack?! You weren’t here. You would have left me! I did what I had to do, isn’t that what you always tell me to do? Take care of the team, watch their backs. I did that, Jack. My life doesn’t mean a damn thing without you here!” Daniel tried to push Jack away but was too weak to do so. Jack watched him, the anger receding to be replaced by guilt and worry at Daniel’s self-destructive nature.  
  
“Well, I’m here now and I’m not leaving again, Daniel. So, you stay right there until I can get someone on base to tell me what happened and to bring me whatever medications you need for the time being. You’re off duty until I say so. Got it?”  
  
  
(Atlantis)  
  
Rodney looked down into John’s hazel eyes and saw everything written right there in his eyes. Those eyes that held more expression than even John himself knew. Rodney reached out and slid his fingers across John’s lips and John kissed those fingers softly, causing Rodney to gasp slightly. John leaned up and brushed his lips across Rodney’s softly.  
  
“Say you forgive me, Rodney. Please.” Rodney leaned in, kissing John softly.  
  
“I forgive you, John, but only if you’ll forgive me as well. I didn’t realize you felt like you did. I thought you knew how happy you make me, and Carson. You’re what keeps the two of us sane and alive. We both need you. We – I love you, John. I always have.”  
  
“No more misunderstandings,” John whispered, kissing him again softly, but more urgently. “No more death wishes.” Another kiss. “No more wasted time.” Another kiss and Rodney groaned softly, pulling him closer. “We’ve got two weeks before they get here. I don’t want to waste any of that time. I don’t want any regrets.” Rodney’s hands slid down to the bottom of John’s shirt then up underneath, brushing against the soft yet scarred skin of his back.  
  
“No regrets, John. None.” He pulled him in again and the kiss was anything but soft. Tongues circled and danced. John’s hands moved to Rodney’s jumpsuit, unsnapping it and sliding his hands inside to feel the softness of the gray t-shirt Rodney wore beneath. His hands then slid under the material to touch the soft skin and Rodney moaned softly into his mouth. John pulled and Rodney followed him onto the floor of the jumper. John quickly thought the hanger bay shut and the back of the jumper closed and locked as well. Rodney shed the jumpsuit, leaving himself in only the t-shirt and boxers. John was still wearing his own black t-shirt and gray military pants and boots. Rodney untied the boots as John shucked his shirt. Once the boots were off, he pulled Rodney up to him and kissed him harshly and thoroughly. Rodney’s hands slid across John’s sides and down to his pants.  
  
“Off,” he demanded in a harsh whisper and John raised his hips to comply. The pants and boxers beneath were off in one quick pull and John’s hands moved to Rodney’s boxers sliding them off as well. Rodney slid one hand beneath John then pulled and rolled him onto his stomach. John went without argument shifting slightly until he felt Rodney sliding up between his legs. “Want you,” Rodney whispered against John’s shoulder.  
  
“You have me,” John answered as he felt Rodney pushing inside of him slowly. He groaned softly and Rodney shifted slightly before kissing the back of John’s head.  
  
“Yes, I do…” Rodney agreed as he continued to push himself into John. John whimpered and moaned, pushing back against Rodney slowly, even though he wanted him right then and there, they both knew it was better to be careful than to be in pain later on. “Gawd, John… I missed this… missed you…” John wasn’t as patient as Rodney and he finally pushed himself back against Rodney pulling a cry from both of them as he did so. Rodney’s hands slid to John’s waist and they both found their rhythm. They alternated between fast and slow, gently and hard until they were both breathing in ragged breaths and they both came together, crying out the other’s name as they did so.  
  
John collapsed and Rodney did as well, though falling to the side slightly so as not to place all his weight onto John. After a few moments, Rodney reached up, sliding his fingers through John’s black hair and kissing the back of his head softly.  
  
“Love you, John,” he whispered softly. John turned his head slightly and hazel eyes met blue ones.  
  
“Love you too, Rodney,” he answered. “We’re okay?” Rodney nodded as he slowly withdrew from his lover and allowed John to move so that they could see each other clearly.  
  
“We’re okay.” John smiled and kissed him again. “But we should really get dressed and check in with Elizabeth. I, for one, don’t want her coming down here to search for us.”  
  
“Me either,” John answered. “Rodney?” Rodney looked over at him slowly. “We are so out of here once this war is over.” Rodney nodded slowly.  
  
“Oh yeah. We are all out of here.”  
  
  
(Colorado)  
  
Daniel lay on the couch as he watched Jack pacing the kitchen, phone in hand. Daniel couldn’t hear what was being said but he saw the look on Jack’s face and it wasn’t a happy look. I screwed things up again, Daniel thought to himself. Why can’t I ever just get things right for once… He closed his eyes, tears falling down his face, unable to watch Jack any longer.  
  
In the kitchen, Jack held the phone to his ear, listening for a moment, nodding a couple of times as he did so.  
  
“Well, the area’s hot to the touch and he’s running a fever. He barely has any strength. How could you let him go home like that?”  
  
“I didn’t have much choice, Sir,” came the answer on the other end of the line. “Not like he asked my permission to leave. I left the infirmary long enough to check in on Teal’c and by the time I got back, the doc was a mess and said that Daniel had checked himself out against orders. By the time I called the Gate, he was gone.” Jack sighed heavily.  
  
“He’s punishing himself, Colonel,” Jack said softly. “This is something you’re going to have to learn to recognize. Get the meds from the doc, pick up some food and get over here as soon as possible. We’ll talk more when you get here.”  
  
“Yes, Sir. Be there shortly.” The line went dead and Jack snapped the phone closed and turned back to look at Daniel. He saw the tears, the shivering, and grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch as he walked over to his lover. He pulled the blanket up around Daniel and bent down to kiss him on the forehead.  
  
“I’ll be right back, Danny, okay? I’m just going to go change clothes.” Daniel nodded but didn’t respond and Jack quickly ran upstairs to their bedroom… which looked like it had the day he’d left. Nothing had been moved or touched. The bed was still made. Daniel hadn’t stayed here these past two weeks. Ah, Danny. What am I going to do with you, love? I didn’t realize what you would put yourself through while I was gone. I shouldn’t have left you… Jack quickly changed out of his uniform and into blue jeans and a polo shirt before heading back downstairs. Daniel hadn’t moved from the couch at all. He looked like he might finally be sleeping. Jack sat down at the other end of the couch and leaned back, watching his lover as he waited.  
  
He didn’t have to wait long. There was a knock at the door and Jack saw Daniel frown and try to open his eyes.  
  
“Shh… it’s okay, Danny. Just food and drugs. Nothing to worry about.” The frown subsided and Daniel had to work hard to get his eyes open. Jack got up and walked over to the door, unlocking it and opening it to admit Cameron Mitchell into the house. Cameron’s arms were loaded down with pizzas and a couple of bags that Jack assumed were medication. Jack took the bags and ushered Cameron inside. “Kitchen’s just ahead, Colonel,” he said quietly as he walked back over to the couch and sat down on the floor next to Daniel’s head. Daniel’s eyes finally opened slowly and tried to focus on Jack.  
  
“J’ck?” Jack nodded slowly and Daniel’s gaze slid past him and rested on Cameron Mitchell as he walked back into the living room. “Cam’rn?”  
  
“We’re all here, Daniel,” Cameron answered quietly, standing just behind Jack. “You left without telling me, Daniel. You can’t keep doing that.”  
  
“Didn’t matter,” Daniel said quietly. “None of it…” he trailed off and his eyes closed again. Jack dumped out the bags and found the doctor’s note explaining everything he’d sent over. Jack found the antibiotics and the pain reliever and opened them.   
  
“Water, Cameron,” he said quietly and Cameron walked back into the kitchen and returned with a glass of water. “Danny, sit up and take this for me, okay?”  
  
“No drugs,” Daniel whispered.  
  
“Not like that, Danny. Stuff from the doc. I need you take them, okay?” Cameron moved to the head of the couch and slid his hands underneath Daniel’s back and slid him up gently so that he could take the pills and water Jack was handing him. Daniel swallowed the pills with the water then closed his eyes again. Jack nodded and Cameron slid him back down onto the couch. Jack pulled the blanket up against him and sighed heavily.  
  
“Stubborn archaeologist,” Cameron whispered softly before moving to help Jack up off the floor.  
  
“Oh yeah,” Jack agreed quietly. They both sat down in opposite chairs and watched Daniel drift back into the fever induced sleep. Cameron sighed heavily and Jack looked over at him. “You okay?”  
  
“I’m trying to be, Sir,” he answered quietly.  
  
“Cut the ‘Sir’, Cameron. We’re off duty and in my house. Call me Jack.” Cameron looked over at him as if in shock and Jack shrugged. “Well, if you’re going to be a part of Danny’s life, we should start trying to get use to each other. Don’t you think?” Cameron nodded slowly.  
  
“Yeah. Absolutely.” They both looked back over at Daniel. “What changed your mind, Jack?”  
  
“I realized that it wasn’t a competition, Cameron. Daniel has the capacity to love without prejudice, without lessening his feelings for anyone else along the way. He can love this whole family and still have enough love for anyone else that comes along. Although, if he brings home anyone else after this, I may have to kill him.” Cameron chuckled and Jack looked at him, then smiled as well.  
  
“He told me about Rodney and Carson and John. He misses them almost as much as he misses you when you’re gone.” Jack nodded slowly.  
  
“Rodney was his first, though, and that’s something even I know better than to question or debate. Whatever makes Daniel happy…” Cameron nodded in agreement.  
  
“Whatever it takes,” he said softly. They both gave Daniel one more look then leaned back in their chairs, each of them closing their eyes and falling into their own exhausted sleeps.

 

 

(SGC)  
  
"Jack, you have to let me go!" Jack looked up at where Daniel stood in the doorway of his office. Those blue eyes held determination but Jack knew he wasn't going to let Daniel anywhere out of his sight anytime soon.  
  
"No, Daniel, I don't have to let you go! Did you read the report? Did you see the video they sent to us? It was a goodbye message, Daniel. What makes you think I'm going to send you out there to die?!" Daniel stepped into the office and slammed the door shut behind him. Jack leaned back in his chair and watched his lover approach him.  
  
"You can't just leave them there, alone, to fend for themselves against these Wraith, Jack! That's like sentencing them to death!" Jack sighed heavily and stood up, walking around the desk to meet Daniel on the other side.  
  
"We're sending troops, Danny. We're sending the Daedalus as well. They will have plenty of back up, but I cannot and will not risk your life. You're not a soldier, love. Don't argue with me," he said when Daniel looked as if he would interrupt. "I know you've had training. Hell, I've trained you. But you're not going. Cameron and I agree on this so don't think you can get him to change my mind. Neither one of us wants to lose you." Daniel sighed heavily and Jack pulled him into his arms and held him tightly for a moment.  
  
"I want them home, Jack," he whispered softly. "All of them." Jack nodded, kissing the top of Daniel's head.  
  
"So do I, Danny. So do I."  
  
\------------------------------------------------------  
  
(Atlantis - several hours later)  
  
Inside the chair room, Rodney could hear the alarms as he continued working on the Chair, trying to get it hooked up to the generator that Colonel Everett and his men had brought with them. He had to get this work. He heard footsteps but didn't bother to look up, knowing just who it would be.  
  
"McKay, fire it up," John yelled as he flung himself into the chair. Rodney didn't even miss a beat; he just kept working.  
  
"It'll take a minute," he replied angrily. He hated all of this. The pressure, the knowledge that he hadn't slept in almost two weeks now. It was finally grating on his nerves.  
  
"We don't have a minute," John insisted almost angrily.  
  
"Look," Rodney said as he continued to work, "this generator can only power the chair because it operates in a state of barely-controlled overload."  
  
"Just get the damn thing working!" John didn't have time for explanations. Rodney sighed heavily.  
  
"That's what I'm trying to do!" After a few more seconds, Rodney had everything connected and ready to go. He looked up at John and stepped back.  
  
"You've got power! Go!" John activated the chair, which began to lean back into a reclining position. Outside, the energy drones appeared in the sky and began seeking out Darts.   
  
\--------------------------------------------------  
  
(SGC)  
  
Jack left the Gateroom and walked back to his office. It had been thirty-six hours since Everett and his men had gone through the gate and they'd heard nothing back yet. Four hours earlier, Jack had sent Daniel home with an Airman driving him. Cameron had left an hour ago to go check on the younger man and Jack had volunteered to stay and wait for any word on their Atlantis team. Now, as he walked down the lonely corridors that led to his office, he wondered if he'd made the wrong choice in sending his boys to Pegasus. If something happened to any of them, he'd never forgive himself.  
  
Jack opened the door to his darkened office, walked inside, and then closed the door behind him. He didn't bother with the lights. He leaned against the door then slid down to the floor, his knees drawn up to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs and felt his control slipping again. He hated feeling this way. For a moment, he felt as if he couldn't breath.  
  
And then he heard it… the sound of someone else in his office. His head shot up quickly as Daniel and Cameron moved to sit on either side of him.  
  
"I thought I sent you both home," he whispered softly.  
  
"You did," Daniel said quietly. "Cameron came home and brought us both back here to be with you. Neither one of us wanted you to go through all of this alone, Jack. We didn't want to be alone, either. So… let us stay." Daniel slid his hand along Jack's arm and entwined his fingers with Jacks. On the other side, Cameron did the same. The three sat there quietly for several minutes.  
  
"Everett's a good man," Cameron began quietly. "He'll do all he can to buy them time for the Daedelus to get there." Daniel nodded in agreement.  
  
"Caldwell's one of the best commanders we have. He'll get there in time."  
  
"Gotta wonder what's going through their minds right about now," Jack said softly. "I'll bet you anything Rodney hasn't slept in the last two weeks." Daniel chuckled quietly.  
  
"Probably living off caffeine and stims at the moment."  
  
"Sounds like you, Danny," Cameron replied and Jack nodded in agreement.  
  
"Oh yeah…"  
  
\------------------------------------------------------------  
  
(Atlantis)  
  
Rodney stood in the control room with Carson and Elizabeth, his gaze now locked onto the screen in front of him. He saw the one blue blip on the screen headed for the two hive ships that showed up red on the screen. In one brief moment he finally understood. He swung around to Elizabeth.  
  
"You let Shepherd fly that Jumper?" he asked, his tone harsh and accusatory. Elizabeth gave him a resolute look then turned away. Rodney turned back to the screen, Carson now at his side, watching the same thing he was watching. Carson slid one hand up to Rodney's arm and held there steadily, the movement going undetected by any other personnel. Rodney swallowed past the lump in his throat. He didn't even say goodbye… just… so long, Rodney… I can't believe he didn't say goodbye…  
  
Elizabeth waited a moment longer then walked over to the control panel and began typing in her codes.  
  
"Rodney, help me arm the self-destruct in case this fails." As she typed her codes into the laptop, Carson released his hold on Rodney allowing Rodney to walk over and begin typing in his codes as well. Carson could do little more than watch the blips on the screen. When the self-destruct alarms began to sound, he turned and looked at Rodney and Elizabeth.  
  
"They haven't detected my approach," John said over the intercom. "Weapon is armed and ready. I'm goin' in…"  
  
\------------------------------------------------------  
  
(SGC)  
  
"General!" There was a banging on the office door and Jack, Daniel and Cameron stood slowly as Jack opened the door, seeing an Airman standing there.  
  
"Yes?" Jack asked quietly.  
  
"Sir, Colonel Caldwell has made it to Atlantis, Sir. He was able to retrieve Major Shepherd from something called a puddlejumper that had a nuclear device on board. The ship itself was destroyed, but Major Shepherd is alive and well, Sir. Colonel Caldwell is now assisting Atlantis in destroying the remaining hive ships above them." Jack smiled and behind him, Daniel and Cameron both let out sighs of relief.  
  
"That's excellent news, Airman. Let Colonel Caldwell know that I expect a full report on all injuries and damage assessments as soon as possible." The Airman saluted with a smile.  
  
"Yes, Sir." The young man turned and walked away as Jack closed his door and turned to find himself almost knocked over by Daniel. The archaeologist hugged his lover tightly and Jack smiled and hugged him back.  
  
"Oh thank God," Daniel whispered against Jack's shirt. "They're alive."  
  
"Yeah, Danny. They're alive. And just as soon as this battle is over, we're getting them back here. I promise." Daniel pulled back from Jack and looked up at him.  
  
"Thank you," he whispered before pulling away entirely and turning to Cameron who gave him a broad smile and a quick hug. "I'm going to go… and… I've got things I need to get together and…" Jack and Cameron both chuckled softly before Cameron pushed him towards the door.  
  
"Go, Danny. We'll meet up with you later." Daniel grinned at the two of them.  
  
"Thanks for understanding. Both of you." He opened the office door and walked out into the hallway, headed for his own office. Jack turned to Cameron.  
  
"You do understand, don't you?" Jack said quietly, and it was more of a statement than a question. Cameron nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I do. Whatever it takes, Sir. We agreed on that." Jack nodded as well.  
  
"That we did, Colonel. That we did."  
  
\------------------------------------------------------  
  
(Atlantis - several hours later)  
  
John and Rodney sat on the balcony of their room on the East Pier watching the moon as it rose over the ocean below them. They'd been sitting there for almost an hour in total silence, Rodney's hand occasionally sliding across John's, finger's touching, but no sounds were made. As the moon continued to rise, John slid from his chair and moved over to Rodney, who was sitting in a lounger. Rodney looked up at him as he did so, their hands never releasing each other. John slid onto the lounge, straddling Rodney's legs as he did so. Rodney's free hand slid along John's leg and up to his waist, pulling him in closer until they could look into each other's eyes. One look was all it took for John to know that Rodney wasn't okay.  
  
"I did what I had to do, Rodney," he whispered softly. Rodney released John's hand and slid those fingers along John's jaw line.  
  
"I know that, John. Doesn't mean I have to like it." John nodded, closing his eyes and reveling in the feel of those fingers against his skin. The fingers slid down his neck then around behind and pulled roughly until John was pulled down into a harsh, searing kiss. His hands hit the back of the lounge, on either side of Rodney's head and Rodney's other hand slid up along John's back, beneath his shirt. The kiss ended but Rodney didn't release his hold on his lover. "Don't do it again," he whispered harshly, and John saw the warning in those blue eyes he loved so very much.  
  
"Don't fly a jumper with a nuclear bomb strapped to it? I have no intentions of doing so." Rodney's hand flexed beneath John's shirt and John winced slightly. The warning was back in those eyes and in those hands. "Rodney?" he asked carefully. He'd never seen Rodney so… unforgiving.  
  
"No more suicide runs. No more death wishes. It stops tonight. I can't take it, John. I can't live my life without you, especially if I know your death was in your own hands." John nodded slowly. "We go, we go together or not at all." For a moment John sat there, completely floored. This was a side of Rodney McKay that John had never expected to see. After a moment, he leaned down, kissing Rodney softly then pulled back.  
  
"Together or not at all," he whispered. "After tonight, it's together or not at all." Rodney let out a soft sigh of relief and pulled John in for another searing kiss. John let him. After all, Rodney hadn't flown the ship, but he'd had to stand there and watch John almost die, more than once that day. John could afford to let Rodney be in control for tonight. It was a small price to pay for being alive….  


 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
(Stargate Command - Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado - 1500 hours)  
  
General Landry stood inside the control room and watched as General Jack O'Neill and Dr. Daniel Jackson stood at the bottom of the Stargate ramp, awaiting the lock of the eighth and final chevron. Landry still wasn't sure how they'd managed to uncover yet another ZPM, but he'd long ago stopped questioning the means and motives of his two finest people.   
  
"Chevron Eight is locked." Jack turned to Daniel who had a silly, boyish grin on his face as the event horizon whooshed into life. Once the horizon stabilized, Daniel began to bounce just a little. Jack shook his head and chuckled softly.  
  
"Excited, Danny?" Danny turned that boyish grin to Jack and Jack just laughed. Question answered. There was a sound of matter moving and both men turned their attentions back to the gate as Dr. Elizabeth Weir stepped through the gate followed by a woman they didn't recognize, wearing strange clothing, Rodney McKay, Carson Beckett and finally John Shepherd. The event horizon closed and the group came to a halt, glancing around the room. Rodney's gaze landed first on Jack then Daniel who immediately came running up the gate and stopped just about a hairs breath from where Rodney stood.  
  
"Welcome home, Rodney," Daniel breathed softly. Rodney grinned at the younger man and gave him a quick hug. Daniel returned the embrace.  
  
"Thanks, Daniel. Glad to be here." They stepped back from each other as Jack approached the group. He held out his hand to Elizabeth first.  
  
"Dr. Weir. Good work and welcome home." Elizabeth smiled up at him.  
  
"Thank you, Sir. It's good to be home." She turned to the new person with them. "General, may I introduce Teyla Emmagon, an Athosian who has been most helpful since our arrival in Atlantis." Jack gave the young woman a charming smile.  
  
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Teyla," he said, holding out his hand to her. Teyla took the hand and smiled up at the General.  
  
  
"And you as well, General. I have heard a great many things about you and your people here in Earth."  
  
"And we are hoping to hear more about you and yours," Daniel said as he turned to meet her as well. Teyla turned and smiled at him. "I'm Daniel Jackson." Teyla's smile widened.  
  
"I should have known. Rodney speaks quite fondly of you." Daniel seemed a little embarrassed and Teyla looked over at Rodney. "Did I say something wrong, Dr. McKay?" Rodney shook his head.  
  
"No, Teyla. Nothing at all. At least not in the present company." He looked past Jack to where Landry was waiting up in the control room. "But, let's just keep that information to ourselves and not to any other new people we might meet, hmm?" Teyla nodded.  
  
"Of course, Dr. McKay."  
  
"Well then," Jack said as he reached past Rodney to shake John's hand then Carson's in turn. "General Landry, who replaced General Hammond, would like a chance to sit and talk with you all before we let you off base. You all have three weeks of leave time and I'm sure you want to use it to the best of its advantage." Carson coughed back a laugh and John had to smack him on the back. Daniel raised a brow and Rodney and Jack rolled their eyes. Oh yeah… it was going to be an interesting three weeks indeed.  
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Teyla had gone with Carson to visit his grandmother, leaving Rodney and John to themselves, so to speak. Though, it was quite obvious, as they all stood around in Jack's office that neither of them was going to go off base alone. John had to stifle a grin at the fact that neither Rodney nor Daniel had heard a word Jack had said over the past half hour. Finally John shook his head and smacked Jack on the arm.  
  
"Okay, Sir, they haven't heard a word you've said now for at least thirty minutes. I'm thinking we should let them leave. What do you say?" Jack looked up at Daniel who was barely containing his smile as he watched Rodney. Jack turned his gaze towards Rodney who was doing the same as Daniel. Jack shook his head with a slight chuckle.  
  
"Danny." Daniel didn't even blink. "Daniel!" Jack said loudly. Daniel jumped and turned to face Jack.  
  
"What? I'm sorry. I didn't hear that last part." Jack and John both laughed quietly and Daniel frowned just slightly. "What did I miss?"  
  
"Oh, nothing important," Jack said, raising his brow slightly. "Just, you know, the normal, routine stuff, but no big deal. Listen, why don't you and Rodney call it a night, hmm? I'm sure you've got other things you'd rather be doing…" Daniel turned and glanced at Rodney who grinned and rolled his eyes a little in a look that Daniel took to mean 'they know we're too distracted to do anything else and they're letting us leave so we can go play alone' and he turned back to Jack and nodded.  
  
"Yeah, okay, sure. Why not? Uhm… we'll see you two tomorrow sometime?" Jack looked at John who had a strange look on his face as he watched Rodney for a moment.  
  
"John?" John turned back to Jack before Rodney could make eye contact with him. "Meet up tomorrow afternoon sometime?"  
  
"Sure. Sounds good to me." Jack watched the walls go up and the grin come into place… a smile that would normally reach those hazel eyes and light up the room. It barely reached his lips and there was very little light. Daniel and Rodney didn't seem to notice. Instead, they were already up and half way out of the office.  
  
"Daniel!" Daniel turned back. "The cabin, say around four?" Daniel nodded.  
  
"We'll see you then," Daniel said then came back over to Jack and kissed him on the cheek. Jack returned the gesture and John saw the look that passed between the two men and sighed softly. He looked over at Rodney, but Rodney's gaze was firmly locked onto Daniel Jackson. Again, John sighed softly and turned to find Daniel right in front of him. He gave the younger man a brief smile.  
  
"Take care of my CSO, Daniel," John whispered softly. Daniel nodded and slapped John on the arm good-naturedly.  
  
"I always have," he answered then turned and walked over to Rodney. Rodney smiled at him and the two men left Jack's office. Jack watched them leave then looked up at John.  
  
"Were Carson and Teyla going to catch up with us tonight, John?" John thought for a moment then turned to Jack.  
  
"I don't think so. Carson said something about his grandmother cooking dinner for them and that they'd probably stay overnight with her. I do need to see Aiden Ford's sister while I'm stateside, Sir. I may not be able to tell her what happened, but I at least need to let her know that Aiden may not be coming home again." Jack nodded slowly and leaned against his desk, watching the younger man.  
  
"So, why don't you come home with me, John?" John glanced up at Jack slowly, as if looking for something within those hazel eyes that looked so much like his own. After a moment, John nodded.  
  
"I think I'd like that, Sir." Jack grinned and pushed away from his desk.  
  
"I think you will, too."  
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Rodney and Daniel rode to Daniel's apartment in relative silence, except for when they were stopped at lights during the ride. During those brief moments, Rodney would lean over and kiss Daniel or slide fingers down alongside Daniel's face, as if re-learning the feel of younger man's skin beneath his fingers. Reaching the apartment, they sat there in the car for a moment, neither of them wanting to release the other even for the short way inside the building and up to the top floor where Daniel's apartment waited.  
  
"We can't do much else unless we go inside, Danny," Rodney said quietly, his fingers sliding between Daniel's, pulling the hand to his mouth and kissing it softly. Daniel sighed softly and nodded.  
  
"I know," he answered. "So… what are we still doing in the car?" Rodney actually laughed and released his hold on Daniel. Daniel grinned as they both got out of the car and headed inside the apartment complex. They rode the elevator in silence, but the looks that passed between them both said more than words ever could. Daniel unlocked his door and walked inside, Rodney following behind him. It was Rodney who closed the door even as he grabbed Daniel's arm and pulled him towards him. Daniel came easily enough and let his body fit itself against Rodney's.  
  
"I've missed you, Danny," Rodney whispered softly, his arms tightly around Daniel's waist. Daniel leaned in and kissed Rodney softly.  
  
"I've missed you too, Rodney. So damn much… and so many times I thought I'd never see you again, never get you back home where you belong…" Rodney silenced the words with a scorching kiss that left Daniel clinging to him to keep from sliding to the floor.  
  
"Less words, Dr. Jackson. We'll have plenty of time to talk later." Daniel chuckled and pulled Rodney with him towards the bedroom. Rodney eagerly followed him. Once inside the room, Daniel lit several candles as Rodney kicked off his shoes and began to unbutton his shirt. Daniel turned to watch him then walked over to him, sliding his hands inside Rodney's shirt, feeling the warmth beneath his hands.  
  
"You've been working out," Daniel commented softly. Rodney chuckled wryly, letting his shirt fall to the ground.  
  
"Well, running from life sucking aliens tends to make you want to be able to run faster and fight harder." Daniel looked up at Rodney and Rodney noted the sadness in those blue eyes. "Daniel… don't. We both knew what might happen when I went there. We've both become soldiers out of necessity, but we're both alive. That's all that matters." Daniel nodded slowly, his hands sliding up and down Rodney's chest and back, but his eyes never wavering.  
  
"I love you so damn much, Rodney." Rodney nodded, backing Daniel towards the bed.  
  
"I know you do, Danny. Believe me. I know." Before Daniel could say anything more, Rodney was kissing him once more and Daniel's words were gone and he realized it didn't even matter.  
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Beer?" John turned around to see Jack standing behind him, holding two beers in his hand. John smiled and took the offered beer.  
  
"Thanks. It's been awhile since I've been able to have a beer." Jack grinned as John took a drink from the bottle in his hand.  
  
"Your friends, the Athosians, is it? Do they know about alcohol or anything like that?" John lowered his beer with a laugh.  
  
"Oh man, you can't even imagine! It's nothing like our alcohol here, but it's sweet and strong at the same time and it's really potent. Even Rodney… gods he only drinks maybe one glass of the stuff and he's out like a light. It's funny sometimes; all the harvest celebrations and such." Jack smiled. Something had changed inside the younger man and Jack was enjoying it greatly. John took another drink of the beer as they walked out to the back porch and sat down across from each other.  
  
"Rodney did okay out there, then?" Jack asked quietly. John nodded.  
  
"Rodney did great." Jack saw the haunted look in those hazel eyes, but didn't interrupt. "Even when he didn't have to, he did good." John took a drink from the bottle, as did Jack. They both knew it might be a long night at this rate. "Our second week there, one of the Athosian children released an energy monster by accident. Rodney had just discovered an Ancient personal shield and was trying to figure out how it worked. To make a long story short, when our final attempt to destroy the monster failed, Rodney put the shield on himself and walked into the energy field to destroy the monster." Another swig of beer and Jack leaned back in his chair, watching John closely. "When the field disappeared, all I saw was Rodney lying on the ground, eyes closed, not moving. I ran down the steps and practically fell to my knees at his side, trying to get a pulse. When I found one, it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. And when he opened his eyes and looked up at me, I felt as if whatever had been squeezing my heart finally let up."  
  
"And that was the point at which you realized Rodney would never be able to continue being just a scientist." John's head came up, his eyes locking with Jack's quickly.  
  
"How did you…" Jack gave him a bitter smile.  
  
"When I brought Daniel back from Abydos the first time, after his wife was kidnapped by the Goa'uld… almost every time we went through the gate, someone tried to hurt him, kill him or kidnap him. They all recognized his brilliance and they wanted to use him. I realized then that I had to start training him to be a soldier or I'd lose him for good." John nodded slowly.  
  
"Rodney fought it at first," he said, finishing off his beer. "He didn't want to learn to shoot a Beretta. Then he didn't want to learn how to use the P-90. But once he learned, it was easier for him and I hated that. I hated that I made it easier for him to pull that trigger. I hated that I'd taken something away from him, broken some innocence inside of him by making him a soldier." Jack nodded slowly.  
  
"Yeah… I know what you mean." Jack finished his own beer then got up and took John's empty bottle. "Be right back." John watched him walk back into the kitchen.  
  
"When the Genii came, I thought my life was over." Jack opened the refrigerator and retrieved two more beers then walked back outside, handing one to John before sitting down across from him once more.   
  
"The Genii… they were the ones who attacked during the storm." John nodded, opening the beer and taking a drink.  
  
"Yeah. They killed two of my men and took Rodney and Elizabeth hostage. They wanted our C-4 and our medical supplies. I hid the C-4 from them. Their leader, Koyla, made me believe he'd killed Weir and that if I didn't bring him the C-4, he'd kill Rodney as well. All I saw at that point was red. I didn't care about anything but making sure Rodney lived. There was a point in which I thought Rodney was gone." He took a longer drink from the bottle before averting his gaze, looking out into the night sky. "I killed sixty men that day in cold blood," he whispered softly. "And I didn't kill them because they'd invaded Atlantis. I killed them because I wanted Koyla to understand that he wasn't going to get out alive, that he'd killed the one person I loved above all others and he wouldn't get away with it." Jack noticed the tremor begin in John's hands and he slid forward, setting his bottle down and sliding his hands over John's. John blinked back the tears and looked at Jack. "I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall…"  
  
"It won't, John," he answered softly. "A few years before Daniel met Rodney, my team went through the gate and we were captured by a princess and her father, the king of the world we'd stepped into. The princess took a liking to Daniel. When one of her guards killed him accidentally, she put him in a Goa'uld sarcophagus to revive him. She wanted to keep him with her. She made him believe that, the more he used the sarcophagus, the stronger he would become. After a couple of weeks, Daniel had changed. We finally managed to get off the planet and Daniel went into withdrawal. Very bad withdrawal. He pulled a gun on me, tried to shoot me because he thought I was going to kill him. I talked him down and he broke, right there in front of me. A month later, after we'd already been back to the planet and Daniel had made the princess destroy the sarc, I went back. I never told Daniel I'd gone back. I went back and I killed everyone in that palace." John watched him in silence. "Hammond knew about it. Like you, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. One day, Hammond called me into his office. All he said to me was, 'Jack, what you did was wrong, and I won't condone it, but at the same time, I won't condemn you for doing what you had to do in order to keep our boy safe.' That was it."  
  
"What are you saying, Sir?" Jack scooted out of his chair and knelt there in front of John, one hand sliding up alongside John's face.  
  
"I'm saying I won't call you down for what you did. I'm not going to condone it, but God knows I understand it. You did what you thought you had to do and Rodney's safe. You all came home. That's what I asked of you when I sent you out there with them. I asked you to keep them safe." John nodded slowly.  
  
"Yes, Sir. You did." Jack smiled up at him and John relaxed a little more. He finished off his beer and set it down, letting his fingers slide through Jack's silvery-gray hair. "I'm glad we're home, Jack."  
  
"So am I," Jack whispered softly, just before he leaned up to brush a soft kiss across John's lips. "So am I."

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Daniel had dropped Rodney off at his apartment so that Rodney could check on his cat and on his plants. He'd promised to meet up with Daniel and the others later that afternoon at the cabin. Daniel assumed he would pick up Carson before joining them. While Daniel had grown use to Carson, he still enjoyed his time alone with Rodney. After Sha're's death, Rodney had been the one person who'd managed to fill the voids in Daniel's heart and soul. Rodney would always be first in Daniel's heart, no matter where the roads in life took him.  
  
Daniel pulled in behind Jack's truck and killed the ignition. He sat there for a moment, reflecting on the previous night with Rodney. After a moment, he smiled to himself and slid out of the car, closing the door behind him. He walked around the front of the house and let himself in, making sure to lock the door behind himself.  
  
"Jack? John?" Daniel tossed his keys onto the table and walked out to the back porch. "Hello?" There was no answer. Daniel shrugged and walked back into the house and up the stairs towards the master bedroom. He heard nothing behind the closed door and so he opened it slowly and peeked inside. Jack was leaning against the headboard, eyes closed, but Daniel knew he was probably awake. John was sound asleep, his head against Jack's chest, and one arm thrown around him as if holding on for dear life. Jack's left arm was wrapped around John and Daniel noticed Jack's fingers tracing up and down John's arm softly. Daniel pushed the door open a little further and stepped inside. He closed the door and turned around to find Jack's hazel eyes watching him closely. Daniel gave him a loving smile even as he kicked off his shoes. Jack raised a brow appraisingly and, if he hadn't thought he'd wake John Shepherd, Daniel might have laughed. Daniel removed his shirt and slid off his jeans before moving over towards the bed. He sat on the edge and leaned over to kiss Jack softly.  
  
"Long night?" he asked quietly. Jack glanced down at the sleeping man in his arms then looked back up at Daniel.  
  
"Yeah," he whispered. "He just did fall asleep about two hours ago. He's got so much going on inside his mind, it's a wonder he hasn't collapsed from exhaustion before now." Daniel reached over and brushed a lock of hair out of John's face.  
  
"Rodney told me about some of the things that had happened out there. He wasn't too happy with some of John's choices, but he's learned to let him make his own way and to just be there for him when he comes back." Jack nodded and Daniel looked back at him. "Mind if I come to bed for awhile?" Jack grinned and Daniel kissed him again.  
  
"I was hoping you would." Daniel pulled back the sheets and slid into bed next to Jack, careful not to disturb John who was lying on Jack's other side. Daniel leaned up and kissed Jack softly. Jack used his free hand to frame the side of Daniel's face, kissing him almost fiercely in return. "I missed you, Danny," he whispered hoarsely.  
  
"Missed you too, love," Daniel whispered against his mouth before kissing him once more. Neither of them noticed when John slowly opened his eyes and very gently slid his arm away from Jack's body. Jack felt the removal of the warmth and pulled back, looking down at the hazel eyes that watched him and Daniel.  
  
"Didn't mean to wake you," he told John softly, sliding his fingers through the silken black strands of hair. John scooted away just enough so that Jack could make more room for Daniel.  
  
"It's okay. I don't sleep that much these days anyway." His gaze drifted from Jack to Daniel. "Want me to go?" Daniel shook his head and slid his fingers down the side of John's face.  
  
"You're fine, right where you are, John," he answered honestly. Then he leaned over and kissed John on the forehead softly. "You are exactly where you belong." As Daniel leaned back, John looked up at Jack with a look of wariness on his face. Then it dawned into understanding and he smiled. Jack couldn't believe what that smile did to him and his fingers tightened in that dark hair just a little.  
  
"He's right, John," Jack said, agreeing with Daniel. "You belong here, with us. You brought everyone home safe and sound. You kept them from not making it back here. You are as much a part of this family as they are." Jack leaned down and kissed John softly against the lips. "You mean so much to so many."  
  
"I shouldn't…" John whispered, his breathing ragged and his voice sounding broken. "I could've gotten them killed… I could've lost…"  
  
"Shh…" Daniel said sliding over Jack so that he could be closer to John. He slid his fingers along John's back in a soothing manner. "You could have, but you didn't. You did the right things. You're okay. They are okay." John looked up at him and there was a look of brokenness and pain in that one look and Daniel felt as if it would break his heart. "Gods, John… has no one ever given you their approval on anything?" John said nothing. He tried to pull into himself and move away but Jack and Daniel both grabbed him, holding him there. John swallowed past the lump in his throat.  
  
"My… my father wanted me to be like him, but I picked flying instead. He wanted me to get married and give him grandchildren, but instead I fell in love with my second in command. He wanted to keep me safe and grounded in the states, but I volunteered for Special Ops and went to Afghanistan. The Air Force wanted to court martial me, but out of respect for my father, they sent me to McMurdo instead. My father died while I was in Atlantis. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him. The Air Force didn't want me. I'd killed my team, my lover, my own soul…" He broke then, the tears flowing in steady streams down his face. Jack pulled John back against him, holding him there while Daniel hugged him from the front. It was a little awkward in position, but no one seemed to care. Daniel saw the anger and hatred in Jack's eyes and was glad John couldn't see it.  
  
"Your father was wrong," Jack choked out. "The Air Force was wrong. You are one of the bravest men I've ever met in this service. You have been nothing but a credit to your units, to your country; to us. I put my ass on the line to send you to Atlantis against the wishes of everyone else and I have no regrets." Jack stopped and Daniel saw the look in his lover's eyes.  
  
"John," Daniel whispered softly. John's eyes remained closed. "John, look at me, please." John slowly opened his eyes and looked at Daniel. "You are so many good and wonderful things. You have a family now, John. Let us love you the way you should have always been loved. Let us be whatever it is you need us to be for you. Please." Before John could answer, Daniel leaned closer and kissed him softly. For a moment, John did nothing but then, Daniel felt John's hand on his arm and he returned the kiss just as softly. Daniel deepened the kiss and felt John's hand tighten on his arm, pulling him closer. Behind John, Jack slid down just a little, brining John more securely against him, his hands sliding along John's chest and stomach. Daniel's hands roamed as well. John's hand left Daniel's arm and gripped the waistband of Daniel's boxers, pulling him closer. Daniel, still on his knees, slid closer until John was firmly ensconced between him and Jack.  
  
"You shouldn't…" John began softly but Jack leaned forward and pressed a kiss against the side of John's neck and John quit talking. Jack grinned, his eyes flashing up at Daniel and Daniel smiled back before framing John's face with his hands.  
  
"Yeah… I think we should." John nodded in agreement and in wonder. How had he ever been so lucky? Daniel kicked the sheets away from them all and slid his hands up along John's legs, knowing that Jack was watching every movement he made. In a way, it made Daniel feel more in control. They were both watching him but he was the one making all the moves. He slid back up closer to John. John slid one hand up along Daniel's neck and pulled, tilting Daniel's head a little so that he could kiss along the side of the Daniel's neck. Daniel gasped softly before Jack leaned in and pressed a kiss against his lips. One of Daniel's hands rested against John's chest and the other rested on Jack's thigh. John kissed from Daniel's neck down to his shoulder, his hands roaming the expanse of warm skin beneath his fingers. Daniel whimpered softly against Jack's mouth and Jack deepened the kiss.   
  
It was going to be one hell of a good morning….  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------  
  
Rodney opened his apartment door and chucked his keys onto the table. Carson should have been there by now, but Rodney saw that the lights were still off and none of the blinds in the apartment had been opened. He sighed softly and closed the door behind him. He slid out of his jacket, tossing it over the couch and making his way towards his bedroom. He opened the door and his breath caught in his throat.   
  
Carson laid on the bed, completely naked, blue eyes watching his every move. Rodney swallowed hard and moved further into the room, his eyes moving down along Carson's form before moving back up to those ice blue eyes.   
  
"Uhm… Carson?" he asked softly. Carson smiled and moved slowly up onto his knees at the edge of the bed. He reached out, grabbing Rodney's wrist, and pulling him closer. His hands slid to the belt buckle of Rodney's pants and undid the buckle, then moved on to the button and the zipper. All the while, Rodney stood there, one hand sliding through Carson's hair, not quite sure what was going on, or why his normally shy lover was suddenly not so shy. Carson slid Rodney's pants off then moved up to the buttons on Rodney's shirt. Rodney allowed himself to be undressed and then Carson was pulling him onto the bed with him. Rodney followed. How could he not? Carson lay back and Rodney slid over him, holding himself just above his lover, looking into blue eyes that mirrored his own at times. Then he leaned down and kissed Carson fiercely, teeth scraping against teeth, the metallic taste of blood popping up for a moment before both men slowed down.  
  
"Missed you, Rodney," Carson whispered against Rodney's lips as his hands slid up along Rodney's sides and over his back. Rodney kissed his way down Carson's chest then back up, kissing him softly once more.  
  
"Missed you too, Carson," he whispered softly. "Want you…" Carson nodded slowly.  
  
"I know you do. I can tell." Rodney actually chuckled at that then slid his hand down between them, wrapping it around Carson and squeezing gently. Carson gasped and Rodney smiled. Every so slowly, Rodney kissed his way down Carson's neck, across his chest, flicking his tongue across Carson's nipples, then moving lower across his stomach. Carson's hands slid across Rodney's back and into his hair as Rodney moved lower still and swiped his tongue across the tip of Carson's cock. Carson gasped again, his hips moving upwards and Rodney chuckled softly in the back of his throat as he slid his mouth over Carson slowly, his hand working upwards to meet his mouth. Carson's hands tightened in Rodney's hair and his eyes closed tightly, feeling as if his entire body was on fire…  
  
\------------------------------------------------------------  
  
They had maneuvered John so that he was sitting between Jack's legs, his back pressed against Jack's chest, and Daniel was kneeling between John's legs, his hands resting on John's thighs as he kissed him. Jack's hands slid up and down John's chest, across his stomach then back up along his chest, his fingers sliding across the sensitive nipples. Daniel broke the kiss and slid his hands up along John's legs, past his waist and up to his chest, where his fingers entwined with Jack's. John's eyes were closed and his head was back against Jack's shoulder. Daniel looked into Jack's dark, lust filled eyes and knew exactly what he wanted. He turned his own gaze back to John.  
  
"John…" John opened his eyes slowly, almost lazily, and met Daniel's fierce gaze. "Do you want me to touch you? Do you want me to slide my hands and my mouth around you?" John shifted, groaning slightly even as Jack's hands gripped him tightly, so much so that John could feel Jack's arousal against his back.  
  
"Would you like that, John? Would you like Danny to do those things to you?" John swallowed thickly and nodded, his eyes never leaving Daniels.  
  
"Oh yes…" he whispered softly. Daniel leaned forward to kiss him then slid down once more, his hands at the waistband of John's boxers, pulling them down as he went. Jack's hands never slowed in their movements and John's eyes closed again, pushing back against Jack as he felt Daniel's fingers glide across his very hard cock. Daniel bent down, kissing him gently, his hand wrapped firmly around him now. John moaned softly and Jack slid him back just enough to kiss him as Daniel slid his mouth completely around him. John cried out against Jack's mouth, the sensation of everything at once firing his blood like nothing else had in a long time.  
  
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"Rodney, please…" Carson begged and Rodney slowly slid his mouth away from Carson and crawled his way back up Carson's body until he could kiss the man gently. Carson's hands slid between their bodies, grasping Rodney firmly and tugging ever so lightly. Rodney's bit back a yelp and his eyes met Carson's. "Please…" Rodney nodded. He wouldn't dare make Carson ask again. He kissed him once more then reached into the drawer of the bedside table as Carson turned over onto his stomach. Rodney started off by sliding two fingers inside of his lover, making Carson moan softly. Rodney pressed soft kisses against Carson's back even as his fingers worked themselves in and out of Carson.  
  
"Missed this," Rodney whispered against Carson's neck as he removed his fingers. Carson whimpered at the loss of touch but then caught his breath at the feel of Rodney hard against him now. "Missed the feel of you around me," he whispered as he slowly pushed himself into his lover.  
  
"Ah, yes," Carson breathed, pushing back just enough to make sure Rodney was fully inside of him. They lay there a moment, adjusting, before Rodney began to move.  
  
\----------------------------------------------------  
  
Jack shifted slightly against John's back, sliding one arm around John, holding him firmly against him. His gaze wandered down to the top of Daniel's head and he felt his arousal growing, watching Daniel as he moved over John. It was at that moment when Jack knew what he wanted.  
  
"Danny," he whispered, his voice hoarse with desire. Daniel rolled his eyes upwards to see Jack. "I want him on his knees. Can you keep doing that if he's on his knees?" Daniel nodded then released his hold on John as Jack pushed him to his knees. John offered no protests, just did what they had him do.  
  
"Put him against the head of the bed, Jack," Daniel demanded, his voice soft and low. John's eyes opened then and he looked at Daniel almost warily. Daniel slid his fingers along the side of John's face. "Shh… nothing bad will ever happen to you here," he assured him. With John on his knees, Daniel slid off the bed for a brief moment then slid himself back underneath John so that John was facing the headboard, his hands braced on the wall, Daniel beneath him and Jack behind him. Daniel's hands slid along John's cock as Jack slid his hands along John's ass. Daniel took John into his mouth once more just as Jack slipped two slick fingers into John slowly.  
  
\-------------------------------------------------------  
  
Rodney moved against Carson slowly and deeply, his hands gripping Carson's waist so tight, Carson was fairly certain there would be bruises later. But it didn't matter in that moment. All that mattered to him was that he was with Rodney and Rodney was buried deep inside of him. After a moment, Rodney slid one hand around Carson's waist and encircled Carson's hardness, sliding his hand in the same rhythm as their bodies. Carson's breathing hitched and increased as Rodney's movements began to speed up.  
  
\-------------------------------------------------------------  
  
John moved his hips in time to Daniel's mouth and Jack's fingers. His eyes open now, looking down at the man beneath him, Daniel watching him the same way. Behind him, Jack withdrew his fingers and John whimpered in protest before he felt the tip of Jack's cock pressing against his opening.  
  
"Just… relax," Jack whispered softly. One hand braced on John's back as he pushed himself into the younger man slowly. John cried out and Daniel soothed him with his hands and his mouth. Once Jack was fully inside of John, he slid his left hand down and wrapped it around Daniel's hardness, sliding up and down even as he moved inside of John. Daniel gasped against John's cock and John gasped. It was all so much to try and process… so many feelings and emotions. John felt like he was going to explode.  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Rodney…" came the hoarse cry as Carson came all over Rodney's hand. Rodney cried out and slammed himself into Carson one last time, his body shaking almost violently at his release. He let his hands drop as Carson's knees gave out, forcing him onto the mattress. Rodney held his weight above Carson long enough to withdraw and then he rolled to the side, dropping his arm across Carson's back. Carson turned his head to look at Rodney, their breathing ragged and hitched.   
  
"Love you, Carson," Rodney whispered. Carson smiled softly at him.  
  
"Love you too, Rodney…"  
  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The friction for all of them was almost too much, bordering on painful, but still so very pleasurable. Daniel was the first to go, all over Jack's hand and John felt it against the backs of his thighs. He cried out as well, spilling into Daniel's mouth, crying out, his fingers grasping for something, but meeting only the wall, dragging fingertips against the rough texture. Jack heard them both go and with a couple more thrusts, came hard inside of John, his hands flexing against John's waist as he did so. He wrapped his arm around John, holding his weight so that John wouldn't collapse on top of Daniel. After a moment, Daniel moved to the side and Jack withdrew from John, helping him back down to the mattress, and then lying on the opposite side. He pulled John towards him then reached across him to grab Daniel's hand in his own. Daniel turned, facing the other two men, watching something harsh in John's eyes finally break apart, giving way to a softness Daniel had known lay beneath the surface. He leaned in, kissed John softly, his hand still holding onto Jack's.  
  
"Sleep, you two," Jack whispered softly. "It's going to be a long day." John closed his eyes and Daniel looked past him towards Jack.  
  
"Thank you," he whispered softly. Jack's gaze softened and he gave Daniel a sweet smile.  
  
"Anything for you, babe." Daniel smiled and closed his own eyes. Jack lay there until they were both asleep, then breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"Thank you," he whispered to no one in particular before succumbing to sleep himself.  


 

\--------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Jack sat out on the back porch of the cabin, dressed in soft, faded blue jeans and a soft flannel shirt. No shoes, just sock. He had his feet propped up onto the railing, holding a cup of coffee in one hand as he watched the sunrise in the distance. He had been the first awake that morning. Cameron Mitchell had joined up with them the night before and, after a long night of poker, followed by challenge chess and a fun little game Rodney had called Prime/Not Prime, they'd all gone to bed around two in the morning. Jack actually hadn't gone to sleep. John had stayed with him, Daniel having wanted some time alone with Cameron, and Rodney and Carson having gone off by themselves. John had drifted off to sleep about an hour ago and Jack had lain there watching him until just a little while ago when he felt the need to be outside.  
  
As he sat there, watching the sunrise, all he could think about was how lucky he'd been to have these men in his life. Daniel had come first; Daniel always came first. But then Daniel had ascended and had left him Rodney, whom Jack had loved in a protective sort of way. Then, when the military had taken Rodney from him, Daniel had descended and been returned. Rodney had forged on with his life, bringing Carson home with him just before the two of them, plus Daniel, had left for Antarctica. Enter John Shepherd. Jack had brought John into the family and then Daniel had brought Cameron. As far as Jack was concerned, the family was complete. He had everything he could ever want or need right here in this cabin and he was going to do everything within his power to keep them.  
  
He heard footsteps behind him and turned to find Daniel walking out onto the patio, dressed in khaki cargo pants and a black t-shirt. He was holding his own cup of coffee and Jack reached out and pulled Daniel into his lap, holding him there as they each drank their own coffee in silence and watched the sun continue to rise. It was that perfect time of morning. Not freezing, but cold enough that you could still watch your breath make steam. Jack slid his arm around Daniel, settling one hand on Daniel's stomach as Daniel leaned back against him.  
  
"Anyone else awake?" Jack asked quietly. Daniel shook his head.  
  
"Just us," he answered softly. Jack smiled into his cup.  
  
"Cameron's still sleeping?" Daniel chuckled.  
  
"I didn't let him get to sleep until about three this morning." Jack chuckled as well then brushed his lips against Daniel's cheek. "Hmm," Daniel sighed contentedly. "Sleep well?"   
  
"Well enough," Jack answered. "John finally drifted off a little over an hour ago. He should be asleep for awhile." Daniel nodded. He was about to say something more when the sound of more footsteps stopped them both. In a moment, they both turned to see Rodney joining them. Rodney moved to the chair opposite of Jack and sat down, his blue eyes shimmering slightly, watching his two lovers with each other.   
  
"Morning, love," Daniel said to Rodney, reaching out for his hand. Rodney took it, squeezed and smiled back.  
  
"Morning to you both," he said softly, before drinking from his own coffee. "Nice to know you still have your priorities straight, Jack." Jack frowned for a moment. "Coffee first, everything else second." Jack laughed, as did Daniel.  
  
"Absolutely." The three men sat there silently. Jack regarded Rodney's clothes curiously. He was dressed in dark blue sweatpants, lighter blue shirt, and a dark blue running jacket. He had on white tennis shoes with a blue swooshie on them. His gaze met Rodney's and the scientist grinned.  
  
"John got me into running while we were in Atlantis," Rodney explained. "I'll probably go jogging while we wait for everyone else to wake up and rejoin the living world." Daniel nodded, finishing his coffee and sliding out of Jack's lap.  
  
"I'm going to go grab a shower and I'm sure Jack will make us breakfast." Jack grinned as Daniel wandered back inside the cabin.  
  
"How long are you going to be gone?" he asked Rodney as he stood slowly.  
  
"About half an hour. Plenty of time for you to go help Daniel with his shower, I'm sure." Jack gave Rodney a wicked grin and ruffled his hair before going back into the cabin. Rodney finished his coffee, set the mug on the railing then stood up and took off into the woods.  
  
\----------------------------------------------------  
  
Jack returned downstairs an hour later to find John and Carson playing chess while Cameron watched. Each of them had their own cups of coffee and Jack was pleased to notice that someone had started a fresh batch. He walked out onto the patio and retrieved Rodney's mug, brining it inside with him. He assumed Rodney had already returned and was probably in the other bathroom taking a shower.  
  
"What sounds good, guys? Pancakes, waffles, eggs, bacon?" John looked up over his shoulder, smiling.  
  
"All of the above?" he answered innocently. Jack chuckled softly, walking over and kissing John on the forehead.  
  
"All right, then. All of the above it is." He walked back into the kitchen. "How much longer do you think Rodney's going to be?" Carson glanced up from the chessboard, frowning slightly.  
  
"At what, Jack?" Jack turned around slowly.  
  
"He went running earlier this morning. About an hour ago to be exact. Told me he'd be gone about thirty minutes." John set his chess piece down slowly, his gaze meeting Carson's for a moment.  
  
"He hasn't been running since right after Peter died," he said softly. Carson nodded as Jack walked back into the room.  
  
"Who's Peter?" Jack sat back in his chair.  
  
"Peter Grodin. One of the scientists from Atlantis. He was killed just before the Wraith attack on the city. After his death, Rodney went running one morning. He was gone for hours. I finally tracked him down on the south pier, just standing there, looking out beyond the railing like he…" John swallowed past the lump in his throat. "Like he was going to jump, Jack." Jack threw down his towel and grabbed John's arm, hauling him up to his feet.  
  
"We need to go find him, John. Now." John nodded, his body on autopilot. Jack turned to Cameron. "Grab the gear from the vault and meet us out front." Cameron stood and ran off to the other side of the cabin. John turned to Carson.  
  
"Tell Daniel we'll be back in a little while with Rodney, okay?" Carson nodded slowly as Cameron returned. He threw a vest at John and one at Jack. The three men slid on their vests, checking pockets and such then each of them grabbed their pistols. "No P-90's?" Jack shook his head.  
  
"Hope like hell we won't need 'em. Let's go." The three men walked out of the cabin and around back where they began to follow Rodney's tracks into the woods.  
  
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Rodney slowly came back into himself and wished that he hadn't. There was so much pain and he couldn't see anything. His wrists burned and they were tied together behind his back. Muscles ached and he felt as if he'd been hit by at least two large buses. He took a breath and bit down on his lip to keep from crying out in pain. He knew at that point he had at least two broken ribs, maybe more. He tasted blood in his mouth and wondered what the hell had happened to him. He didn't remember anything except running through the woods, on his way back to the cabin when he tripped over something and then felt something very sharp stab into his neck. After that, there had been nothing but darkness.  
  
He heard a door open and then there were footsteps. He tried not to move, not to breath, but apparently his captors knew better. He felt the toe of a boot press against his side and he screamed.  
  
"Ahh," came the voice from above him. "Welcome back. We thought perhaps we'd overdone it with the drugs and such, but it seems as if you're finally going to wake up." Rodney couldn't speak. His throat felt raw and dry. He felt hands on either side of his arms, pulling him up to his feet. He did cry out then because his left leg wouldn't support all of his weight. What the hell had happened to him? "You're not the archaeologist, but from what I've heard, you're far more valuable than he is a the moment." Rodney tensed at the mention of Daniel but said nothing. "How is it a man like yourself can turn three fine soldiers into such… useless and pathetic beings? You don't look like much, that's for sure. Then again, maybe it's not your looks. Maybe it's what you can give them, hmm?" A hand slid across his chest and Rodney felt like he was going to be sick. "Now that you're awake, you can show us what they've been getting from you." Rodney felt himself being thrown onto a mattress and for a brief moment, just as he felt his captors pulling off what remained of his sweatpants, he prayed for death.  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Another hour passed and Jack, Cameron and John slowly made their way back towards the cabin. Daniel and Carson stood on the back patio waiting for them. Cameron walked in first and brushed angrily by Daniel when Daniel tried to reach for him. Daniel glanced at Jack who just slowly shook his head and had to physically pull John up the steps. Inside, Cameron picked up the phone and began dialing. Jack handed John over to Carson then turned his attention to Daniel.  
  
"I'm sorry, Danny. We can't find him anywhere. We've looked. His tracks stop just about a hundred yards from the house." Daniel swallowed past the lump in his throat.  
  
"So, now what?" Jack turned and led him into the house where Carson had pushed John into a chair and was now checking his vitals. John didn't look well at all. Cameron put the phone to his ear.  
  
"Teal'c. It's Mitchell. We've got ourselves a missing scientist. Bring whomever you need and meet us at Jack's cabin pronto." There was a brief pause. "No. Not Daniel. Dr. McKay. Yes, Feretti would be a good choice. Carter's out of range, Teal'c. All right. Feretti, Simmons and yourself. Sounds good. See you soon." He hung up the phone and looked back at Jack. "They're on their way." Jack nodded as Carson stood slowly and turned his way.  
  
"He's not responding, Jack," the Scottish man said quietly. "What did you find out there?" Jack sighed heavily and pulled out a scrap of material that looked like it had blood on it. He handed it to Carson who tried not to think the worst.  
  
"John found it," Jack whispered, looking down at the younger man. "I'm starting to have a really bad feeling about all of this." Daniel turned and walked over to John, kneeling in front of him, sliding his hands up along John's arms. John's gaze finally focused on him and the tears welled up in those hazel eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry, Daniel," he whispered softly. Daniel shook his head.  
  
"Not your fault, John. We'll find him." Behind him, Jack nodded slowly and Carson and Cameron were the only two who could see the anger and the fear in his eyes.  
  
"Yes, we will," he agreed quietly.  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The next time Rodney woke, he was hanging from set of chains that had been dangling from the ceiling. He knew this, because the blindfold was gone and he could focus a little on his surroundings. He didn't know how much time had passed, but he was slowly losing the battle with his hypoglycemia. He knew it wouldn't be much longer and then he wouldn't be of any use to them. Maybe then, they'd just kill him. It couldn't be any worse than everything else they'd done to him at that point. At least they hadn't given him anything with lemon in it; yet. They seemed to know an awful lot about him, Rodney thought to himself. Who were these men? Why had they wanted Daniel in the first place? Was it… Oh gods… Realization dawned and Rodney felt like he was going to be sick all over again.  
  
These men weren't after Daniel or Rodney at all. They weren't even after Jack, or John or Mitchell. This was their way of sending a message. Rodney fumed silently. These men were military, he was sure of that now. They knew about Jack and Daniel; knew about himself and John; possibly even knew about Cameron Mitchell's involvement with Jack and Daniel. They weren't out for military secrets or bombs. They were just doing what they could to make life miserable for the military men who had found love with civilian men even though the military said they couldn't.   
  
Rodney heard the door open again, closed his eyes, and silently prayed that his family would get there soon. Otherwise, it wouldn't be a rescue mission. It would only be a recovery mission.  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Rodney had now been missing for three hours. John stood out on the back porch, his gaze roaming the edge of the woods, as if he expected Rodney to come running out of them at any moment with a smirk on his face and a gleam in his blue eyes. John wasn't so sure he could willingly face a life without Rodney.  
  
Inside the cabin, Feretti, Teal'c and Simmons had arrived with plenty of gear and possibly even some information that would help them find out who'd taken Rodney. Jack glanced over his shoulder at John then looked at Daniel. Daniel caught the glance and nodded, heading out to the back porch. Jack turned back to his men.  
  
"What do we know?" Feretti sighed heavily and leaned back against the couch.  
  
"Not much, Jack. NID has been busy and we picked up some convos concerning the doc, er, Daniel, but nothing regarding McKay. It's possible Daniel might have been the target but something triggered them to grab McKay instead." Jack turned and looked over his shoulder at Daniel and John on the porch then turned back to the others.  
  
"Jack?" Jack looked over at Cameron. "I could be way off base, here, but it's a thought. About a month ago, while you were in DC, some marines on base were giving Danny a rough time of it. Making innuendos and such about him, about you, hell about me, even. Daniel didn't tell me about it, though, until he showed up for work bruised and evasive. I cornered him in his office and he told me that three of the marines had roughed him up after work the day before."   
  
"Did he give you names?" Cameron shook his head.  
  
"Said he didn't want people fighting his battles for him." Jack sighed heavily.  
  
"Go talk to him, Cameron. Get him to tell you. It might just save Rodney." Cameron got up and walked out onto the porch with Daniel and John. Jack looked back at Feretti and Simmons. "They are so dead," he whispered softly.   
  
"We'll find 'em, Jack," Simmons said.   
  
"We'll find the doc, too, Jack," Feretti began, "and whoever took him is in for a real surprise." Jack nodded then turned his attention towards the porch. Cameron was standing off to the side with Daniel and Daniel didn't look happy at all.  
  
"What are you saying, Cameron?" Cameron sighed heavily.  
  
"The marines that roughed you up a month ago… Danny, it's possible they're the ones who took Rodney. They could've followed you out here, known where you and Jack and I come some weekends. Anything. The thing is, I need names, Danny. Please." Daniel sighed heavily.  
  
"All right. If they've hurt Rodney, I'll kill them myself." John turned, his gaze falling on the archaeologist and, for the first time, he realized just how much Daniel truly loved Rodney. John walked over and slid one hand down Daniel's arm. Daniel looked up at him guiltily. "I'm sorry, John," he whispered as Cameron walked back inside, names in hand. John shook his head.  
  
"Not your fault, Daniel. These guys… the marines he mentioned… they hurt you?" Daniel nodded slowly and John kissed him on the forehead. "Won't happen again. Not to you and not to Rodney. Promise." Daniel nodded and they both walked back inside the cabin. Jack gave Daniel a brief, hope-filled smile, then turned back to the others.  
  
"Feretti, Teal'c, Mitchell, Shepherd and I will head out in fifteen minutes. Daniel, I want you, Simmons and Carson to stay here. Simmons, you're in charge of security until we get back."  
  
"I will stay and protect DanielJAckson, O'Neill," Teal'c said adamantly. "I am likely to cause alarm if the men we seek are not all part of the SGC." Jack nodded slowly.  
  
"All right, then, Teal'c. You stay here with Daniel and Carson. We'll be back as soon as we can. The rest of you, gear up."  
  
\------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Rodney lay on his side, his breath a rasping sound in the silence of the room. It was dark. His captors had not been in to torture him for a while now. Rodney was beginning to wonder what had happened. Then, the door opened and it was all Rodney could do not to begin begging for death. He felt someone kneel down next to him and wrap his or her hand around the top of his arm.  
  
"It'll all be over soon, Doc," the voice said softly as Rodney felt the prick of a needle against his skin. "No more pain. You have my word…" The voice slipped away and Rodney's eyes closed into darkness. He never heard the sounds of yelling or the sounds of gunfire. All he knew was that the pain was leaving and as his breathing slowed, he had one last fleeting thought that he'd never told his family how much he'd loved them all…  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------

 

"Any changes yet?" A machine in the background made beeping noises. Another machine didn't so much beep as sound like the whirring of an engine.  
  
"No," said a voice tinged with sadness. "They've said there's no physical reason why he hasn't woken, yet."  
  
"Physical doesn't have anything to do with it," the third voice said softly, hinting that it knew the pain of what was going on.  
  
"We should go home and check on the rest of the gang. They'll want to know."  
  
"Go. I'll stay here."  
  
"You need to sleep."  
  
"I'll sleep when he comes back to us." There was the sound of someone sighing softly then the sound of movement, embracing perhaps, then the sound of release.  
  
"Call us if anything changes."  
  
"You know I will." There was more movement, footsteps, the sound of doors closing, and then the sound of a body falling into a chair once more. "Please wake up, love. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you. I'm sorry I didn't get to you sooner. But I promise you this. Nothing will ever happen to you again. Nothing."  
  
\-------------------------------------------------------  
  
(Three weeks earlier)  
  
Gunshots filled the room, echoing throughout. The sounds of people running, hiding, screaming and dying. It was a sound the men weren't likely to forget anytime soon, and yet it was a sound they thrilled at hearing because it meant that the men who had harmed the one they cared about had paid their debts.   
  
It was John who found Rodney, in a small, windowless room, lying naked on the cold, hard floor, not moving, barely breathing, blood pooled in various places around him. It was John's voice they heard in the outer room and it was Jack who'd had to pull John away from Rodney so that Feretti and Simmons could put him on a makeshift gurney and get him out of that hellhole. It was Cameron who'd taken a shot to his upper shoulder in the gunfire and was now leaning against the doorframe, slowing falling into shock because he hadn't said he'd been hit. John saw the blood and slowly clawed his way out of his own shock to draw Jack's attention to the other man. Cameron tried to brush them off, but John and Jack each grabbed an arm and walked Cameron out of the warehouse. Feretti and Simmons were outside, Feretti on his cell phone calling for medical assistance and Simmons calling for a clean up crew. Jack took Cameron as John fell to his knees next to Rodney's still body.  
  
"Please, don't leave me, Rodney," he whispered against the side of Rodney's face. "They're dead. They're all dead. They will never, ever hurt you again. No one will. You have my word. Just, please… don't leave me…"  
  
They could hear sirens in the distance and then the screaming sounds grew louder. Uniformed men and women filled the alley, two ambulances arrived and Feretti and Simmons directed their team into the warehouse. Jack turned Cameron over to the first set of EMT personnel then walked over to John, pulling him away from Rodney so that the other EMT team could start working on him. Holding John, Jack pulled out his cell phone and dialed the house. Teal'c answered on the second ring.  
  
"O'Neill residence," came the bass voice of the Jaffa.  
  
"Teal'c it's O'Neill. Tell Daniel and Carson that we found Rodney and he is being transported to the hospital. Cameron's being taken there as well. I'll send Feretti and Simmons to the house to retrieve the three of you and bring you to the hospital. Got all that?"  
  
"I understand completely, O'Neill. I shall inform the others and we will be waiting for Major Feretti to arrive."  
  
"Thanks, Teal'c." Jack disconnected the call, shoved the cell phone into his pocked then pulled back from John a little to look down into those hazel eyes. "They'll take good care of him, John. We got him out. That's all I want you to think about right now, okay? We got him out." John nodded slowly, but Jack saw the pain, the horror and the anguish in those eyes. It was going to take all of them a long time to forget what they'd seen in that little room…  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------  
  
(Present)  
  
"How is Dr. McKay, O'Neill?" Jack had just walked into the cabin to find Carson fixing dinner and Cameron sleeping on the couch. Teal'c had met him at the door, which Jack assumed could only mean that Feretti was out on patrol. Daniel walked in behind Jack, past Teal'c and into the kitchen with Carson. Jack sighed heavily.  
  
"He's still not awake yet, Teal'c," Jack answered softly, closing the door behind them.  
  
"And what of Major Shepherd?"  
  
"He won't leave Rodney's side. He feels responsible and I don't think any of us can talk him out of his guilt right now." He walked past Teal'c and knelt down next to the couch where Cameron was sleeping. "How's he doing?" Teal'c walked over and sat down in the nearest chair.  
  
"He is better, O'Neill. Colonel Mitchell is a strong man. He will be fine." Jack nodded slowly, brushing a lock of hair from Cameron's face before standing up once more.  
  
"Feretti is out on patrol?" Teal'c nodded once and Jack sighed softly. "I'm going to go grab a shower before dinner. Be back in a little bit." Jack walked past the kitchen just as Daniel turned towards him. He gave his lover a soft smile then walked upstairs. Daniel turned back to Carson, helping him with the meal.  
  
"Rodney's strong, lad. Whatever it is he's fightin' right now, we can nae help him. He must do it himself and then he'll come back to us." Daniel nodded slowly.  
  
"I know, Carson. I went through the same things. I guess… I just wish there was some way I could get into his mind and let him know that none of it was his fault, that he didn't deserve it, that he couldn't do anything to stop them. All of those feelings… I had every one of them." Carson looked at him for a moment before setting down the knife he held in his hand.  
  
"These were the same men who attacked you?" Daniel nodded slowly. "Not as badly though, I gather?" Daniel shook his head slowly. Carson reached out, placing a hand on Daniel's shoulder. "'Tis not your fault, Daniel. You couldn't have known they'd do somethin' like this to anyone, least of all our Rodney."  
  
"But I still should have told Landry, or even Cameron. If I had…"  
  
"No, son, it's not a guilt game we'll be playin' tonight, hmm?" Daniel looked up at Carson, those eyes of his so full of emotion and compassion and Daniel felt like he wanted to run away from that compassion. He didn't deserve it. "You are not to blame for wha' happened to Rodney. The men who harmed him are to blame and they've paid the price for their sin in blood. 'Tis no reason to blame anyone else." Daniel nodded slowly and let Carson hug him momentarily. "Go an' check on Jack an' I'll finish up here." Daniel nodded and stepped back.  
  
"Thanks, Carson." Carson smiled at him softly.  
  
"You're welcome, lad." Daniel returned the smile then walked out of the kitchen and headed upstairs.  
  
\------------------------------------------  
  
(At the hospital)  
  
John had just closed his eyes when he felt something - or someone - squeeze his right hand. His head shot up and he met the blue-eyed gaze of the man he loved with all his heart.  
  
"Rodney," he whispered softly. Those blue eyes followed him for a moment before blinking once. John let out a sigh of relief and leaned over to kiss him softly. "Lemme get the doc, okay?" Another blink and John ran out into the hall. "Doctor Janson!" He ran back into the room, hearing footsteps in the hall. "He's on his way, love," he whispered to Rodney softly. Rodney blinked again just as Janson and his staff entered the room. John looked up at the doctor. "He just woke up." Dr. Janson smiled as he looked down at Rodney.  
  
"Hello, Dr. McKay. I'm Dr. Janson. I've been your primary doctor since you arrived here three weeks ago. Now, there's a breathing tube in your throat so you can't talk, but…" Rodney blinked his eyes once and Janson smiled again. "Very good, son. All right. Now, I need to do a few easy tests here and then check some of your injuries. Do you want Major Shepherd to stay?" Rodney looked up at John then back at the doctor and blinked once. "All right then. Major," he continued, "could you just step back for a couple of minutes for me?" John stepped back as the doctor moved around the bed.  
  
"I'm right over here, Rodney," he said soothingly as Rodney found him with his gaze, blinked once, then looked back up at the doctor.  
  
"All right, Dr. McKay. Can I call you Rodney?" One blink. "All right then, Rodney. Let's start with the basics…" In the corner of the room, John pulled out his cell phone and called the cabin. Carson answered the phone.  
  
"'Ello?" John smiled softly.  
  
"Carson, it's me." He could almost hear Carson's smile across the line.  
  
"John, how are you doin'? Any change?"  
  
"Yeah. He just woke up. The doc's in here checking him out now. Tell Jack and the others I'll be home once I know what's going to happen from here."  
  
"I'll let them know, John. I'm happy you were there with him when he woke." John smiled again softly.  
  
"Me too, Carson. See you soon." John shoved the phone back into his pocket and turned back to the scene around Rodney's bed.  
  
"Now, we'll remove the breathing tube, but I need you to know that it's going to hurt a little, okay?" Rodney blinked once then turned to look for John. "I'll bring him back to you once we're ready, okay?" Rodney blinked again and John gave him a smile. Dr. Janson turned to John slowly. "Major, I need to check one more injury sight and, I'll be honest with you, I'd rather you not be in the room while I'm doing that." John understood immediately what was going to be done and he walked back over to Rodney.  
  
"Rodney, look at me a minute." Those blue eyes turned up to him. "I'm going to walk outside for just a couple of minutes and let the doc here finish his exam, okay?" Rodney blinked twice and grabbed John's hand tightly. "Shh, Rodney. Calm down. Two minutes at the most, okay? Let the doc do his job so we can get that tube out of you and find out when you'll be able to come home, okay?" There was no response at first as tears fell down Rodney's face but then he blinked once. John sighed softly and squeezed Rodney's hand, just before releasing it. "Be right back." He glanced at the doctor then walked out of the room.  
  
Rodney watched him go then looked up at the doctor almost angrily. Janson chuckled softly.  
  
"I'll just bet you terrorize all your assistants with that look, don't you?" Rodney blinked once and Janson laughed. "Tell you what, you can tell me all your secrets on handling assistants once we get you up and about, hmm?" Rodney gave him a slight smile, and blinked once more. After a moment, Janson turned serious again. "All right, Rodney, listen to me, okay? I have to check one more injury and you know it's why I asked Major Shepherd to leave the room. I need you to relax as much as possible for me. Just listen to my voice. I will tell you everything I'm doing before I do it, okay?" Rodney blinked once and Janson nodded. "Okay…"  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------  
  
(At the cabin)  
  
Daniel opened the door to the bedroom he shared with Jack and found Jack sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, body shaking from the silent tears he was crying. Daniel closed the door softly and walked over, kneeling in front of his lover, taking his hands away from his face.  
  
"Jack, babe, look at me, please." Jack opened his brown eyes and looked into Daniel's blue ones. "It'll be okay, Jack. He'll be okay. He will make it through this. We know he will." Jack nodded slowly and slid his hands alongside Daniel's face.  
  
"I just… I keep thinking back to what happened to you after Hathor… about all the nightmares you went through, all the anguish, the suffering, the guilt… I hate the thought of Rodney going through all of that." Daniel nodded slowly.  
  
"Rodney's got a little more support that I had. I had you, Jack. But even you admitted afterwards that if we'd had more help, it would have been easier for us both. Rodney's not alone. Neither is John. We are all here and we will all get each other through this no matter how long it takes." Jack leaned forward and kissed Daniel softly on the lips.  
  
"I love you, Daniel. So very much." Daniel smiled up at him softly.  
  
"Love you too, Jack."   
  
"Jack! Daniel!" Daniel turned as the bedroom door opened slowly.  
  
"What is it, Carson?" Jack called, turning as well.  
  
"John just called. Rodney's awake. They're checking him out and then John said he'd come home and let us know what's going on." Daniel smiled and Jack sighed in relief.  
  
"Great news, Carson," Daniel said softly. Carson nodded in agreement.  
  
"Aye. That it is. I'll leave you two alone. Dinner'll hold till John gets back." Carson backed out of the room and Jack pulled Daniel into his arms, holding him tightly. Everything was going to be all right.  
  
\--------------------------------------------------------  
  
(At the hospital)  
  
John stood next to Rodney's bed, holding his hand as Dr. Janson prepared to remove the breathing tube.  
  
"When I say so, Rodney, I need you to take a deep breath and exhale slowly. When you exhale, I'll remove the tube. Understand?" Rodney blinked once. "Good. All right then on three. One. Two. Three. Breath in." Rodney took a breath, his eyes focused on Janson. "And now exhale slowly." Rodney let the breath out slowly as Janson pulled the tube out. Once it was out, Rodney began coughing and gagging heavily. John tightened his grip on Rodney's hand, his other arm moving behind Rodney, to help him sit forward a little. "Good job, Rodney," Janson said sincerely. Rodney exhaled deeply once more then leaned back against his pillow, bright blue eyes regarding Janson.  
  
"Thank…you," he rasped out. Janson smiled then looked up at John. "Ice chips only for right now, Major. Let's see how he handles those and then we'll move him up to water and broth. His hypoglycemia is under control through the IV fluids but we'll have to get him back to solid food soon if he wants to go home by the end of the week." Rodney gave the doc a surprised smile. "Trust me, Rodney. If I were you, I'd want out of here, too. I am a doctor, but I also know that sometimes, the best healing can be done at home in the comfort of your family and friends." Rodney looked up at John and even Janson could see the look of relief in both sets of eyes. He'd been right in his assessment, then. Rodney would definitely be better off at home. "Our main issue right now," he continued, garnering the attention of both men once more, "is getting Rodney's strength back up so that he will be able to return home. All of his physical injuries are fully healed, though because you've been lying here for so long, you're liable to have some soreness in your muscles. We'll work with you this week on exercising and such and I'll give you a program to follow once you go home." John nodded slowly.  
  
"We'll work with him at home, Doc. Don't worry about that." Janson nodded.  
  
"Good. All right then, Major. You've been here for three weeks. Rodney is out of the woods, now. Go home and sleep." John smiled and nodded.  
  
"Thanks, Doc." Janson smiled and patted Rodney on the arm.  
  
"Welcome back, Rodney."  
  
"Thank you, Doctor," Rodney whispered in reply. The doctor and his team left the room and John leaned down and kissed Rodney gently on the forehead. "Go home, John," he whispered softly. "I'm still tired and if you've been here for three weeks, you need rest, too. Come back tomorrow morning?" John nodded slowly.  
  
"Sooner if you want me." Rodney gave him a sad smile and John kissed him again. "Tomorrow morning it is, love. Want me to bring the others with me?" Rodney nodded. "Anything else you want?" Rodney shook his head. "All right then. Get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning." He bent down once more. "I love you, Rodney."  
  
"Love you too, John," Rodney whispered, closing his eyes. John watched him a moment longer then turned and walked out of the hospital room. It was time to go home and John, for one, had finally begun to realize just exactly what that might mean.  
  
\----------------------------------------------------

 

"I won't be going back and that's final." John Shepherd sat in the briefing room at Cheyenne Mountain's SGC complex. Sitting with him were Jack O'Neill, Daniel Jackson, and Elizabeth Weir. Carson Beckett had already been reassigned to the SGC base and would not be returning to Atlantis with his former teammates the next day. The SGC had also decided, in light of recent events, that Rodney McKay would be safer and under better care if he, too, stayed at the SGC. Weir was not a happy person at the moment and now she had to hear that her military commander did not want to return either. Something was seriously wrong.  
  
"Major - Colonel Shepherd," General Landry began, having to catch himself on the rank since Shepherd had received his promotion earlier that morning, "I realize that you have reasons for not wishing to return to Atlantis, but we need someone there to bring our new commander up to speed on everything and everyone and you are the best for the job. I'm not saying you have to stay forever, Colonel. I'm only asking you to go back with the Daedelus, get Colonel Caldwell settled and then you can come back here. General O'Neill and I have already discussed assigning you to SG-2 upon your return." Elizabeth had finally had enough.  
  
"Excuse me, General Landry. Do I, or do I not, get a say in this matter? I for one am not ready to give up Colonel Shepherd as head of our military operations on Atlantis." Elizabeth had the feeling that someone was pressuring Shepherd to stay. She had no reason to believe he'd want to stay behind for his own reasons.  
  
"Actually, Dr. Weir," Jack said quietly, causing her to turn her attention to her. "You don't get a say so this time. You had Colonel Shepherd for over a year. And before you say anything, I know you're going to argue that he's the strongest gene carrier in your city. However, we have found someone else for you that carries the gene as well and is more than willing to be of service to you and your team. He will meet you this afternoon."  
  
"Begging your pardon, General, but I'd like to hear Colonel Shepherd's answer if you don't mind." She turned her attention to John. For a moment, he wouldn't look at her then his expression closed down and he turned a cold and empty gaze towards her.  
  
"I'm sorry, Elizabeth, but I will not be returning as the head of military operations on Atlantis. I believe I can be of better service here at the SGC." Elizabeth leaned back in her chair, obviously shocked. "Colonel Caldwell will do a good job for you, Liz," he said in a softer tone. "He's a good man." Liz nodded slowly.  
  
"Well then. If that's the case…" She turned to look back at General Landry. "Sir, I'd like permission to leave for Atlantis as soon as possible." General Landry nodded slowly.  
  
"Of course, Doctor. Colonel Caldwell and crew are already on board the Daedelus. I'll send word that you're on your way." Liz stood and the men in the room stood as well.  
  
"Thank you, General. Good day, gentlemen." Elizabeth walked out of the conference room and Landry exited with her. Jack, John and Daniel looked at each other then sat back down in their chairs.  
  
"Well that was enjoyable," John said quietly, unbuttoning the jacket of his dress blues. Jack began doing the same. Daniel kept eyeing them both.  
  
"Always is," Jack said as he leaned back in his chair then chuckled at Daniel. "Uhm, Earth to Daniel. Come in, Dr. Jackson." John turned and chuckled as well. Daniel came to his senses, swallowed hard and gave them both a sheepish grin.  
  
"What can I say? I love you guys in your uniforms." Jack laughed and shook his head.  
  
"Yeah, so we've noticed." John nodded, smiling as well.  
  
"You haven't quit looking all day. I think Cameron's getting jealous." Daniel smirked and stood up slowly.  
  
"Speaking of which, I have a mission in three hours. I need to go track down Cameron and go over the scientific merits of this mission and hope that he understands that the variations of radiation and isotropic…"  
  
"Daniel!" Both men yelled at the same time. Daniel looked at them both and they each shook their heads.  
  
"We don't understand and we don't want to know," Jack said warningly.  
  
"This is why you have Carson and Rodney and we have Cameron," John added, standing as well. "Although, speaking of Rodney, I need to go check on him." Jack nodded, standing as well.  
  
"I need to finish up some paper work before I head out to DC." John nodded and turned to leave. "See you tonight?"  
  
"Absolutely. Daniel, see you when you get back this afternoon?" Daniel nodded and John left the conference room. Jack turned to Daniel, seeing the unhappiness in his blue eyes.  
  
"How long?" Daniel asked quietly. Jack sighed heavily.  
  
"Three weeks. Your Major Davis has gotten himself into a nice little mess so I need to go dig him out." Daniel nodded.  
  
"All right then. I'll see you tonight at home." He gave Jack a quick smile then left the room. Jack sighed once more then walked out, headed for his own office.  
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
John walked down the halls of the SGC headed for Rodney's lab. Still dressed in his blues, he got salutes from airmen he passed in the halls. It was disconcerting to say the least. He wasn't big on saluting; he found it to be more of a nicety than a necessity. He let his thoughts wander for a moment as he continued walking. It didn't wander for long. Just before he made the last turn to reach the labs, he heard yelling and the sound of things being thrown. He sprinted that last few feet and came to a halt just outside the main lab doors. Through the glass, he could see Rodney standing in the middle of the room, looking completely lost, shaking, and two of his assistants standing off to the side, unsure of what to do for the man. Two guards stood just inside the door, guns trained on McKay. John opened the door slowly and the guards, recognizing him, stepped back.  
  
"Everybody out," John said quietly. "Now." The assistants didn't hesitate in leaving but the guards didn't seem eager to put their Colonel in the hands of this insane scientist before them. John turned to each guard in turn. "He won't hurt me. I think this outbreak is done. Just… go. One of you find Dr. Beckett for me and bring him here." The guards nodded and left the lab quietly. John stepped over broken glass and scattered papers until he stood just in front of Rodney. But Rodney wasn't looking at him; he was looking just past him towards the empty walls.  
  
"It got too crowded in here," Rodney whispered softly. John frowned just a little.  
  
"Rodney, it was only you, your two assistants and the guards. How could it be too crowded?" Rodney's gaze shifted and focused finally on John's hazel eyes. "Rodney?"  
  
"When they were holding me… it was this really small room. They would come in and they would surround me, all of them, and I never could get up enough strength to hurt them in any way. Not that it mattered in the end. Anytime I fought, everything they did to me was just that much worse." John nodded slowly. This was the most Rodney had said about his captivity since he'd been released form the hospital two weeks ago. "I was just sitting here, at my desk, and I had one of them on each side of me and suddenly it was as if the walls were closing in and I couldn't breath. I couldn't get far enough away from everyone and then I just blanked out."  
  
"Blind rage," Carson said from behind him as he entered the partially destroyed lab. Rodney turned slowly and John looked past Rodney at Carson. "It's part of rememberin' the traumatic events of the past, lad." Rodney nodded as Carson stepped closer. "Lemme see your hands then, Rodney." Rodney held out his hands and John saw for the first time that they were bleeding.  
  
"Damnit, Rodney," he cursed softly. "Why didn't you say something?" Rodney only shrugged.   
  
"I was afraid," he whispered. Carson began wiping the blood from Rodney's hands as John came around watching them both.  
  
"I'd never hurt you, Rodney. Please tell me you know that." Rodney looked up at John and reached out, brushing fingertips down alongside John's face.  
  
"I know that, John. I know it in my heart. I just have to remember it in my head." John nodded slowly. "You were coming here for something else, weren't you?" John nodded again, sighing heavily. "They want you to go back."  
  
"They want me to go back, turn everything over to Caldwell formally, and then I can come home. Jack's going to put me on SG-2 as commander and Cameron's going to stay on SG-1. Your friend, Sam Carter? She's being reassigned back to the Pentagon so Jack said that you could go with Cameron's team and Carson could come with mine or vice versa, whichever you two would prefer."   
  
"More Stargates, hmm?" Carson said softly as he finished cleaning up Rodney's hands. "I'm not so sure I'm all that eager to be trottin' off to more new worlds, lad. I'll like it here where it's quiet and no one's tryin' to hard to kill me." Rodney smiled softly and John's heart flip-flopped at the smile. He loved that smile.  
  
"Think of the adventure, Carson. Think of all we'd have to talk about at home in the evenings." Carson looked up at Rodney almost in shock. Rodney was making a joke. An honest to God joke. And it had only been six weeks since his kidnapping.  
  
"Tell you what, Rodney," Carson said good-naturedly. "You play in the Colonel's team and I'll go play with Daniel's team. He seems to get himself hurt almost as much as you these days."   
  
"I'm the only one who gets to play with Daniel," Rodney said unabashedly. John laughed out loud and after a moment, Rodney and Carson joined in. A couple of minutes later, the laughter died down and they each looked at the other carefully.  
  
"I'll be gone a month at the most," John finally said. "Think you two can stay out of trouble until I get back?" Rodney nodded slowly.  
  
"What about Jack?"  
  
"He's heading back to DC tomorrow for three weeks. He'll be home before I will this time." Rodney took a step closer to John and brushed his fingers along side John's face again.  
  
"Then I guess that'll give you more incentive to get back sooner, won't it?" John looked into those ocean blue eyes and fell in love with Rodney all over again.  
  
"You never cease to amaze me, love," he whispered before kissing him softly then backing away. "Daniel's leaving with SG-1 in half an hour. I want to be there when they leave. Think you and Carson can get this cleaned up and I'll meet you both in the mess hall in a little bit?"  
  
"That'll work, son," Carson said softly. John turned hazel eyes to him, leaned forward and kissed Carson as well.   
  
"Love you both," he whispered softly before turning and walking out of the labs. Carson turned to Rodney.  
  
"Ever wonder how we got so lucky?" Carson asked quietly. Rodney nodded slowly.  
  
"All the time," he answered.  
  
\--------------------------------------------  
  
Rodney, Carson, Jack, Daniel and Cameron stood with many other soldiers and civilians in the gate room, all there to see off the Atlantis expedition one last time. With the discovery of another ZPM, a stable wormhole had been established and the main members of the expedition would go through the wormhole while Caldwell and the replacement crews were already headed back on the Daedelus.   
  
Elizabeth Weir stood off to the side talking quietly with Carson's replacement as well as the newest gene carrier on the team. Teyla watched her for a moment then walked over to where Rodney and Carson were standing.  
  
"I shall miss you both once I return home," she said softly. Rodney smiled and stepped forward resting his hands on her shoulders as she returned the same gesture. "I believe you will finally find what you seek here, Dr. McKay."  
  
"I think you may be right, Teyla. Take care of yourself and your people." They bowed slightly until their foreheads touched and then stepped back.  
  
"I am certain the children shall miss you most." Rodney chuckled softly as Teyla turned to Carson. "We shall all miss your work, Dr. Beckett. I hope you will be well here." Carson smiled at her.  
  
"Aye, lass, this is where I belong." Teyla smiled and they clasped shoulders and touched foreheads.  
  
"I know it is," she answered quietly.  
  
"Chevron One encoded." Teyla moved back to stand with her group as John walked over to his stateside family.  
  
"Four weeks maximum and then I'm coming home," he said, looking at each of them in turn. It was too much close quarters for there to be any hugging or displays of affection, but their eyes spoke volumes. John turned to Cameron. "Take care of them till we all get home."  
  
"Always," Cameron answered quietly. John looked at Rodney and Carson, his attention focused soley on them for the moment.   
  
"Chevron Two encoded."  
  
"Please, please pay attention to him while I'm gone. I know, neither of you is of the taking order kind, but please, while I'm gone, don't give me anymore to worry about than I already have, okay?" Carson and Rodney both nodded. Jack turned to Daniel.  
  
"Why can't you be that agreeable when I say the same things?" Daniel looked up at him and chuckled softly.  
  
"Chevron Three encoded."  
  
"Because then I wouldn't be me." John turned to Jack and Jack gave him a knowing smile.  
  
"See you in a month, Colonel Shepherd." John gave him a salute, which Jack quickly returned.  
  
"Take care of our boys, General," John answered.  
  
"Chevron Four encoded." John turned and walked back over to the Atlantis expedition. Elizabeth Weir came forward, standing at his side, but saying very little.   
  
"Chevron Five encoded." Teyla walked up to stand next to John as well. She turned and looked up at him curiously.  
  
"They will be fine, Sir," she said quietly. John looked down at her and smiled softly.  
  
"I know they will."  
  
"Chevron Six encoded." It was only a few more moments and then he'd be back in the Pegasus Galaxy. He wasn't so sure that was such a good thing.   
  
"Chevron Seven encoded." Something was terribly wrong. John felt his gut clench and he turned quickly, his gaze finding that of his family. Jack raised a brow slightly in question. John shrugged, but his gaze was still filled with fear. Jack took a step forward.  
  
"Chevron Eight is locked." The whooshing sound of the gate caught everyone's attention and the moment was lost. Jack took another step but John, Teyla and Weir had already walked up the ramp to the gate. Weir went through first followed by Teyla. John turned back, looked at the men he loved, gave Jack a final salute, and then walked through the gate. Daniel reached out, gripping Rodney's arm tightly as if holding the older man steady, but Daniel, like John, felt something was wrong. He just didn't want to alarm anyone with his suspicions. Jack stood there and watched until the expedition was completely through and then the gate closed. The group of people left the gate room quietly until Jack remained on the ramp, still looking at the now empty Stargate in front of him. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to find Cameron standing next to him.  
  
"A month, Sir. He'll be home in four weeks. I'll keep them safe." Jack nodded slowly.  
  
"I know you will, Cameron. But who's going to keep him safe?" Cameron frowned then looked up at the gate and sighed heavily. He understood.  
  
"He'll come home, Jack. He's got too much to live for now." Jack looked down at him and smiled.  
  
"When did you get so damn smart?" he joked quietly. Cameron chuckled.  
  
"Right about the time Daniel dragged me home." Jack laughed and the two men walked out of the gate room. Jack no longer felt so much dread in his soul, but he still wasn't all that certain that the next four weeks were going to be so quiet after all.

 

**************************************  
  
(Atlantis)  
  
John Sheppard sat in his quarters on the side of his bed, looking out the opaque window that was just behind his bed. The lights in his room were almost non-existent at that point, but he wanted it that way. The lights had started hurting his eyes now. He dropped his head into his hands. He should have been home a month ago, but things just kept happening here, things he couldn't just leave alone. He'd talked to his family, especially to Rodney and Jack and they'd both agreed he needed to stay and make sure he felt secure leaving Caldwell alone. John wished now that he'd just thrown it all out the window and gone home. He should be home… not here… not now…  
  
But he'd decided to stay around a bit longer when Rodney's replacement blew up two thirds of a galaxy and Radek had almost killed the man. No… to be honest, John had stayed around after he'd brought Ronon Dex back to Atlantis. The man was a little scary, but he seemed to have a good heart and was a good warrior. He and Teyla were getting along quite well and John found that he felt a little left out. Not that it really mattered. He'd planned on being home by now.   
  
The door to his room opened then closed. John let out a sigh and shifted a little so that his back was more to the person who'd entered his room.  
  
"John?" John's head shot up quickly. Not who he'd expected then. Why wasn't he surprised?  
  
"Ronon," he said quietly. "Leave the lights off, would you?" Ronon nodded to himself then moved further into the room. "Shouldn't you be off world somewhere with the team?"  
  
"I said I'd check in with you, see how you were, give the doctor an update."  
  
"Drag me off to the infirmary if you thought it was necessary," John finished softly. Ronon chuckled softly, biting back his own fear.  
  
"Something like that," he answered before stopping at the edge of the bed. "So? How are you?" John sighed heavily.  
  
"I'm turning into a bug, Ronon. How do you think I am?"  
  
"Radek has found another ZPM, John." John turned slowly, but not enough for Ronon to see his face. "We're going to dial back to Earth in a couple of hours."  
  
"Did you give Colonel Caldwell my list?" Ronon nodded.  
  
"He says he will make sure that you get everything on it even if he has to go through the gate himself. We'll get you home, Sheppard." Ronon stepped closer and John turned his head back the other way. "Don't do that," he said softly.  
  
"I don't want anyone to see me like this," John said in a broken voice. "It's not… me." Ronon moved closer then knelt down in front of John, resting his hands on John's legs.  
  
"No, it's not you, and we all know that. No one is freaked out by this; I mean, we're upset that it's happening to you, but no one worries about the way you look except for you." Ronon reached up and John flinched before Ronon even touched him. "I'm not going to hurt you."  
  
"You could," John whispered softly. Ronon finally understood. He slid his fingers along the smooth, unmarred side of John's face.  
  
"But I won't," he replied, cradling John's face in his hands as John finally turned to face him slowly. His once hazel eyes were now dark and black, almost like Ford's had been when they'd found him earlier that month. The skin covering the right side of John's face was blue and scaly. His right hand and arm were the same but his hand had formed into some kind of claw thing. John looked into Ronon's dark brown eyes.  
  
"I could hurt you," he whispered, knowing that in some dark part of his mind, that's exactly what he wanted to do. But for the moment, the goodness that was still John Sheppard, kept him from acting on that dark thought. Ronon's gaze never wavered.  
  
"Yeah, you could," he agreed softly, even as one hand stayed on John's face, the other on his leg. "But you won't," he insisted, a quiet calmness surrounding him. John gave him a curious look and suddenly something finally made sense.  
  
"You did what I asked, didn't you?" Ronon nodded slowly and pulled the vial from his pants pocket. From the other pocket, he pulled out the syringe that he'd stolen from the infirmary. John leaned forward and kissed Ronon on the forehead. "Thank you," he whispered.  
  
"I told you I'd keep you safe," Ronon said as he looked back up at John, the syringe filled with the blue looking liquid. "Your family will be here soon enough, John, and they will heal you. As soon as this takes effect, I'll take you down below and put you in the stasis chamber. I promise. I won't let any harm come to you or your family."  
  
"Thank you, Ronon." John closed his eyes as Ronon slid the syringe into his good arm. A few moments later, Ronon laid him down on the bed and knelt there next to him. He placed a hand on John's chest and another on his head.  
  
"I pray to the ancient gods that have watched over all that they created even when we did not think them there. Protect your son, the one who awakened your city, your prodigal child returned home. Let him sleep in peace until he can be awakened and healed by those he calls his family. Bring him out of the darkness of his mind so that he may return to his world and his home there. I pray you keep him from harm and from death." Ronon raised his head and set about doing what John had asked of him.  
  
************************  
  
In the gate room, the iris had barely deactivated when Carson Beckett stepped through the gate with Rodney at his heels along with Daniel Jackson and Jack O'Neill. Various other medical personnel followed behind them. Carson took charge immediately, barely even acknowledging Caldwell or Weir. He turned his gaze to the dark skinned man immediately in front of him now.  
  
"He's in the stasis chamber?" Ronon nodded slowly. "Well, I'm not here for a tea party, son, start walking!" Ronon nodded once more and turned, leading them out of the gate room.  
  
"Dr. McKay," Elizabeth began only to have Rodney shoot her a look that made her immediately regret ever opening her mouth.  
  
"Not one word, Elizabeth," he seethed angrily. "Not. One." He turned and followed behind Carson, Daniel right at his side. The medical personnel followed as well and Jack turned to Caldwell and Weir.  
  
"Someone had better start talking real fast," he sneered. "Otherwise, I'm going back through that gate, retrieving a Mark V and bringing it back with me. Do we understand each other?" Caldwell and Elizabeth both nodded slowly. "Good. Office. Now." Weir lead the way up the stairs to her office. Caldwell followed behind and Jack trailed them both. His awe at seeing Atlantis was replaced with anger that he'd had to come out here to retrieve John Sheppard and his fear that he hadn't come soon enough. Inside the office, Elizabeth sat down behind her desk and Caldwell sat down on the other side of her. Jack remained standing. "Start talking." Elizabeth cleared her throat.  
  
"Colonel Sheppard and his team were on a nearby planet searching for a test subject that escaped from the infirmary here. Colonel Sheppard was attacked and the test subject fed off of him, mixing its blood and DNA with that of the Colonel's. By the time he and his team returned here to Atlantis, Colonel Sheppard's DNA had already started breaking down to allow the new DNA to begin growing."  
  
"In essence, killing John and allowing this… whatever it is… to take over his body. Sort of like a host." Caldwell nodded in agreement.  
  
"Very much like a host, yes. Only this isn't like a Goa'uld, General. When the Wraith gene interacts with that of a human, it takes complete control and transforms the human host into a wraith. There is no turning back. We've tried everything." Jack nodded and paced the room slowly. He was angry, frustrated and despised the two people before him. They had argued with and cajoled John into staying just a little while longer and now John could very well pay for that decision with his very life.  
  
"I want you both to understand something so listen very closely." He turned back to face them slowly. "If John Sheppard dies, this project dies with him. I will sink this city and destroy the Stargate here myself. The two of you will return to the SGC where I'm sure General Landry will find some very unpleasant job assignments for you both. And don't even think of going to the higher ups, either of you. My word is law at the moment and I have the backing of everyone back home on Earth. They have come to realize just how irreplaceable John Sheppard has become and I don't think they'd take too well to your not letting him come back home when he was supposed to do so. Speaking of which, if either one of you EVER goes against my orders again, you'll both be wishing I'd sent you to Leavenworth. Are we all clear on this?" Caldwell and Weir both nodded slowly. "Good. As soon as John can be moved, we are leaving." With that, Jack turned and stormed out of the office leaving Elizabeth and Caldwell both unsure of what the future might very hold for either one of them.  
  
******************************  
  
In the lower depths of Atlantis, Carson stood before the stasis chamber that Ronon had put John in just a few hours earlier. If his readings were right, Ronon had done the right thing. Whatever it was that was destroying John's DNA had been stopped for the time being and Carson assumed that, as long as John remained in stasis, he'd be safe.  
  
"You did the right thing, lad," Carson said to Ronon as he continued to look over his readings. "Was he still lucid at the time?" Ronon nodded slowly.  
  
"He was still John Sheppard," Ronon answered quietly. "He was enough in his own mind to understand what needed to be done in order to keep him safe until you all could get here." Rodney looked up at the man slowly.  
  
"I'm sorry. Not to sound rude, but, we don't even know your name." Ronon turned to look at McKay and realized this must be the one Sheppard had continuously spoken of over the past few days.  
  
"I am Ronon Dex. I am of a race of warriors who battle the Wraith. I met Sheppard and the others a few weeks back when they came across an old friend named Aiden Ford." Rodney's features went almost blank. Ford was alive?"  
  
"Ford?" he whispered softly. Ronon sighed and shook his head.  
  
"Your friend is not the man he was before. He has become dependent on a Wraith enzyme in order to live." Carson spared a glance at John before looking back at Ronon.  
  
"Is that what has happened to Colonel Sheppard, then?" Ronon's gaze remained on Rodney even as he answered Carson's question.  
  
"I'm not a scientist, Doctor, but I believe that there is a way to cure Colonel Sheppard. The iraticus bug, the bug that's DNA has been introduced into John's system, could be the answer to the problem. There is a planet nearby, where we were when he was attacked, and I would bet there's a nest." Rodney quickly began to catch on.  
  
"We use the DNA from the unborn insect and find ourselves a cure for John." He looked over at Carson who nodded slowly.  
  
"It just might work. Just in case it doesn't though, I'd like to have General O'Neill radio back to the SGC and start putting in calls to the Asgard and the Tok'ra. We'll need all the help we can get if this doesn't work."  
  
"Already done," Jack said as he walked into the Ancient lab. Rodney and Carson both turned to look at him. Daniel was standing by the stasis chamber, his own thoughts filled with when Jack had been inside a chamber almost exactly like this one. Jack walked over and rested his hand on Daniel's shoulder. Daniel relaxed a little and Jack turned back to the others. "I radioed Landry on my way down here and he's contacting those people that we know will help us."  
  
"Good," Carson answered with a sigh of relief.   
  
"How's our boy?" Rodney walked over to the stasis chamber and looked up at his lover.  
  
"He's alive, Jack. The stasis chamber has halted the growth of the alien DNA within his system for the time being. We're trying to figure out if we can transport the chamber through the Stargate or if we need to treat him here."  
  
"In the meantime," Carson continued, "Ronon here has come up with an idea that might help us out immensely. I was about to suggest a team go off world and recover at least four of the insect's eggs." Jack turned to Ronon slowly.  
  
"Can you lead an off world team?" Ronon nodded once.  
  
"I have been doing so in the absence of Colonel Sheppard. Major Lorne has been of some assistance as well." John nodded slowly and tapped the earpiece he was now wearing.   
  
"Colonel Caldwell."  
  
"Go ahead, General."  
  
"I'm sending Ronon up to you along with Dr's Jackson and McKay for an off world mission. I want as many soldiers as you can send ready to leave within fifteen minutes."  
  
"Understood, General. Caldwell out." Jack turned back to Ronon.  
  
"Take care of my scientists, Ronon." Ronon nodded once.  
  
"As if they were my own, General O'Neill." He turned to leave the room as Rodney and Daniel ran to catch up with him. Jack turned back to Carson.  
  
"Do your best, Carson. The sooner we get out of here the better off we'll all be." Carson nodded and turned back to his work.  
  
***********************************  
  
It was several hours later and the group stood inside the infirmary, waiting for whatever might come. John had been removed from stasis and was now lying in one of the beds, hooked up to a myriad of machines, in a drug induced coma. Carson and his team were working non-stop to introduce a blocking agent of some sort into John's blood stream. So far, they'd managed to slow the breakdown of his cells, but had not been able to stop it all together. In the room itself, Daniel was asleep on an empty bed, Rodney was working with Carson and Radek in the lab and Jack was sitting in a chair between John's bed and the one Daniel slept on. Ronon stood near the doorway as if guarding the entire room. He had already stopped Caldwell or Weir from entering the room and the only person he'd allowed in was Teyla who had come and said a few Athosian prayers over the body of her friend and mentor.  
  
Jack glanced over at Daniel, brushed a hand across that of his lover's then turned back towards John. It wasn't easy to look at the person lying on that bed and know that it was John Sheppard. Jack felt as if his heart were being ripped to shreds. He could only imagine how Rodney and Carson must feel, knowing that it was their research that would either save or condemn the man they loved.  
  
"He is a strong man," Ronon said quietly from the doorway. Jack looked over at him slowly. "He will survive. He will return to those who love him and he will fight heaven and hell to do so." Jack raised a brow slightly.  
  
"How long have you been here on Atlantis?" Ronon stepped closer to the bed, resting one hand on John's arm.  
  
"Long enough," he answered. "Long enough to find a family of my own, friends who support me, help me, teach me… care for me." Jack listened carefully to the words that the man didn't actually say.  
  
"He's a good teacher," Jack said after a moment of silence. Ronon nodded slowly.  
  
"Yes, he is," he replied. He stepped back again and Jack stood.  
  
"You don't have to leave, Ronon. You're welcome to stay with him as long as you like." Ronon looked over at the silver haired man and Jack saw the sadness in his dark brown eyes.  
  
"As long as I like would not ever be long enough," the man whispered before turning and leaving the room. Jack watched him go then sat down again heavily. He looked at the younger man on the bed and let his fingers trail along the blue skin.  
  
"You still don't see it, do you, John? Everyone loves you and wants you from the moment they first meet you and you still don't believe enough in yourself to understand just how much you mean to everyone. Maybe that's why you're so good for Rodney, though. You give all of that to him, don't you? He's come so far, John. Losing you would only hurt him. Please. Fight this and come back to him… and to us."  
  
***********************************  
  
Rodney looked at Carson in exhausted impatience. Carson watched the screen then looked back at his notes then back at the screen once more. Another moment passed and he turned his blue-eyed gaze towards Rodney.  
  
"That's it," he whispered. "We've got it." Rodney let out a sigh of relief and hugged Carson tightly.  
  
"Let's get it up there then," he said as he stepped back. Carson nodded and picked up the vial he'd been studying. He and Rodney sprinted over to the teleporter, stepped inside and immediately found themselves just outside the infirmary.  
  
"Make a hole!" Rodney yelled as they ran through marines and civilians alive and into the infirmary itself. They entered the room and Jack shot up out of his chair as Carson pulled a vial and a syringe out of his pocket and held it up. Jack dared to smile at them both.  
  
"That's it?" Carson nodded as he filled the syringe.  
  
"This is it," he answered as he stepped closer to John and slid the needle into his arm. Rodney moved closer to Jack as Daniel began to stir on the bed behind them. He sat up slowly and watched with silent wonder as Carson emptied the contents of the syringe into John's bloodstream.  
  
"Now what?" Daniel asked quietly. Rodney turned to look over at him.  
  
"Now we wait," he replied before turning back to watch John once more.   
  
They didn't have to wait long. Almost immediately, his life signs began to stabilize. His heart rate slowly moved back into a more normal range. His breathing signs improved and Carson ordered blood draws. When John began to stir, the collective group let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't perfect yet, but they were well on their way.  
  
*******************************  
  
It was Rodney who would first see those hazel eyes open and hear that raspy voice try to speak. He had just closed his eyes when he heard the sound, soft and hoarse. He opened his eyes and found John watching him intently.  
  
"John," he whispered softly. John reached out his hand towards Rodney who grasped it tightly in his own. The scales were gone and the bluish tint was almost completely gone as well. John was almost back to normal.  
  
"Rodney," John said softly and Rodney came closer, brushing a lock of hair out of John's face. "Home." Rodney nodded and kissed John on the forehead.  
  
"Oh yeah. We're going home just as soon as Carson says you can be moved." John frowned slightly.  
  
"Who… who else?" Rodney smiled softly at him.  
  
"The whole family, except for Cameron. Someone had to stay behind just in case." John nodded weakly. "Let me get Carson, love. He'll want to know you're awake." Rodney stood but John's grasp on his hand tightened and he sat back down again. "What is it?"  
  
"Alone… so cold…" John whispered brokenly. Rodney's heart broke at the sound of that voice, the tone, and the fear.  
  
"You're not alone, John. I'm right here. I won't ever leave you again. I promise." John nodded and Rodney saw the tears fall down his face. His heart broke, but inside someplace darker, Rodney was enraged. He wanted to hurt those who'd forced John to stay behind. He wanted them to hurt as much as John was hurting. And Rodney was not a person you wanted to piss off. They were about to learn that. John finally relaxed his hold on Rodney's hand and Rodney stood and went to the door and called for Carson. Carson came in along with Daniel and Jack.  
  
"John… the family's all here." John slowly opened his eyes again and it was almost more than he could take. The tears fell again.  
  
"I'm… so sorry, Sir," he whispered softly. "…really screwed up this time…" Jack came closer to the bed and took John's hand in his.  
  
"No you didn't, John. You didn't do a damn thing wrong. We're going home, I promise you. Just as soon as you're stable enough to be moved, we're out of here." John nodded, his eyes closed tightly against the tears. Jack looked over at Rodney. Oh yeah, they were both on the same wavelength this time. Jack looked back down at John. "Rodney and I will be back in a little bit, John. Let Carson check you out and then we'll see about leaving this place, okay?" John nodded and Jack let go of him and motioned for Rodney to follow him. Outside in the hallway, Jack turned to Rodney.  
  
"Get all of our stuff and get it back to the SGC. Anyone you care about here, get them back through the Stargate. I'll contact Landry. This mission is over." Rodney nodded and walked down the hallway. Jack took a deep breath and raised his eyes towards the heavens above. "Forgive me, but I can't let him somehow be brought back here ever again." It was as if Atlantis felt Jack herself. She, like the man in the infirmary, was a part of her and she felt his sorrow, his anger, his anguish and his pain. She knew what should be done to keep her children safe. Jack walked away from the infirmary and headed for the Chair room. He would make all the final preparations and then they were all going home.

(50,739)

 

**********************  
  
John lay on the bed in the infirmary, eyes closed, but awake nonetheless. Nearby, Carson stood going over the charts that referred to John's treatment. Ronon stood at the doorway and watched over them both, his gaze, however, never leaving John's form. John's eyes opened slowly and he turned his head, finding Ronon's gaze with his own. It was enough.  
  
***********************  
  
Jack moved through the hallways and into the transporter. He touched a place on the screen, there was brief flash of light, and he was inside the Chair room. He stepped out and walked over to the Ancient chair, sitting down. The chair activated immediately and Jack leaned back, the chair moving with him. He closed his eyes and immediately felt Atlantis link with his mind.  
  
*************************  
  
Rodney and Radek stood side by side, watching the science labs being packaged by other members of their team. Radek looked up at his friend to find anger and fear etched in his features and Radek understood, probably better than anyone else ever would have. Rodney looked over at Radek and his features softened somewhat. He reached out, dropped a hand on Radek's shoulder and Radek nodded. No words were needed. They both knew what had to be done and why.  
  
********************  
  
Ronon stepped into the room as Carson looked up and motioned for him to go to John. The time was near. Once they had their orders, it would just be a matter of moving John as gently as possible and getting him through the Gate. Ronon moved and John's gaze never faltered. Ronon stopped at the side of the bed and John raised his hand to him. Ronon took John's hand in his own, clasping it tightly.  
  
"Soon," he whispered softly and John nodded as Ronon leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead.  
  
*******************  
  
Jack's eyes were closed and in his mind he could see the systems of Atlantis and a form that appeared to be Atlantis herself. It was bright, an energy form and Jack could feel it moving within him. The being approached him and Jack waited.  
  
"You are our child," it spoke to him quietly. Jack nodded slowly. "The one who was hurt is our child as well."  
  
"Yes. But he belongs to me. I must take him home. He can no longer be allowed to be hurt."  
  
"I know this to be true, child," the being answered gravely. "You wish us to disappear."  
  
"Yes. Otherwise it's possible your enemies will find us and cause more of your children harm."  
  
"Then take your people and go. When we feel no more of your presence, we shall do what is necessary to keep you and yours safe."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
**************************  
  
Rodney directed science members out of the labs and then turned to Radek.  
  
"Set the virus for two minutes." Radek nodded slowly then was surprised when Rodney reached over and pulled him into a quick embrace. "Thank you, Radek." Radek patted him on the back and stepped away.  
  
"You are welcome, Rodney. Go now. I'll see you in the Gate room." Rodney turned and left the lab, running down the hallways as the sound of Jack's voice pulsed through his ear.  
  
"We have five minutes." Rodney sprinted through the halls and stopped just outside the infirmary. He moved into the rooms where Carson was already locking up the last of his gear. He looked over to the bed where Ronon stood with John.  
  
"Where's Daniel?" Ronon and John looked over at him.   
  
"Control room," John answered, his voice still hoarse and painful to hear. Rodney nodded and looked up at Ronon.  
  
"Let's move."  
  
**************************  
  
Daniel stood in the Gate room, as if pacing but not really doing anything else. In all actuality, he was waiting for his own orders. When he noticed one of his SGC soldiers tense at his side, he knew it was time. He turned and took the stairs two at a time as Jack's voice came over his com.  
  
"Now, Daniel." Daniel pushed the tech sergeant out of his way and began dialing home to Earth. When Atlantis personnel tried to stop him, the SGC guards stopped them. Daniel kept dialing. They were going home.  
  
**************************  
  
Elizabeth and Caldwell were sitting in her office when the doors around them began closing. They shot uneasy looks at each other.  
  
"What the hell?" Caldwell said as he stood, grabbing Elizabeth and pulling her with him. They made it out into the hallways as the klaxons sounded. Doors around them began to close and they felt the floors around them begin to shudder.  
  
"We're moving," Elizabeth whispered just as they came around the corner and into the control room. Daniel looked up but they were too late. The gate had locked the eighth chevron and the iris opened. Below inside the Gate room teams of people began to appear, Jack O'Neill in the lead.  
  
"Dr. Jackson?" Caldwell asked quietly. Daniel looked at him, and the look in those blue eyes was enough to make everything clear.  
  
"We're going home, Colonel Caldwell. I suggest you get the Daedelus off the west pier within in the next two minutes." With that, Daniel turned and ran out of the control room and down the stairs as Carson entered followed by Rodney. Ronon brought up the rear, carrying John in his arms as he did so. Daniel moved in next to them and John opened his eyes slowly.  
  
"Home?" he asked in a harsh whisper. Daniel nodded and brushed a lock of hair from John's face.  
  
"Home." Daniel looked behind him as a bright flash of light engulfed Elizabeth, Caldwell and everyone else left inside the control room. Daniel breathed a slight sigh of relief. Everyone would survive. As he turned, last but not least, Radek came running into the gate room and Rodney turned to his friend.  
  
"How long do we have?" Radek looked at his watch then back at Rodney.  
  
"Ninety seconds." Rodney nodded, turning to look at Daniel.   
  
"I'm sorry," Rodney whispered softly. Daniel shook his head and gave his lover a soft smile.  
  
"Don't be. We're going home. That's where we belong." Rodney nodded and turned to follow Carson through the gate. Daniel glanced at Ronon who nodded once then followed Rodney through the event horizon. Ronon, with John in his arms, took one last look around the base. John slowly opened his eyes.  
  
"Put me down, Ronon. Please."  
  
"John, we don't have a lot of time."  
  
"Please," John whispered and Ronon did as he was asked. He set John on his feet, one hand holding him steady. John looked around his city as a wash of light came around him and Ronon. John smiled sadly as the energy seemed to move around him and through him.  
  
"Be safe, John Sheppard," said the beautiful, crystal clear voice. "We are sorry for your losses and we are sorry for your pain. Go in peace and fear no more those you leave behind in this galaxy. We shall see to it that the Gate is sealed forever." Ronon saw the tears fall down John's face.  
  
"I am sorry I was not a better son," John said quietly. "I did what I thought was right. I am sorry for waking your enemy and bringing this end upon you."  
  
"You did nothing wrong, my son," Atlantis spoke softly. The base shook and Ronon looked around noticing that the water was slowly coming over the base.  
  
"We have to go, John," he said adamantly. John nodded and Ronon picked him up once more. Ronon moved to the gate and turned, giving John one last look around the gate room before stepping through the event horizon. The iris closed and the great city slowly sank beneath the ocean. As it slowly descended into the depths of the water, the shield that surrounded the base began to falter and the water came rushing into the great city. As the city continued its descent, an earthquake opened a fault line on the ocean's floor and the city slowly came apart, falling in different sections of the ocean. But Atlantis took great care to make sure the Gate itself fell into the fissure that had opened from the earthquake. As the city fell, beams of energy arose from the city, through the water and disappeared into the skies above…  
  
****************************  
  
Ronon stepped through the iris at the SGC, still carrying John in his arms. It never ceased to amaze him how he could step through the gate and still be in one piece, in motion, when he stepped through to the other side. As he came through, two medics approached him along with a large dark-skinned man that had a symbol on his forehead. The man inclined his head in greeting but Ronon wasn't to eager to hand the now unconscious John Sheppard over to him.   
  
"Ronon," Rodney said from the bottom of the ramp. Ronon looked down at him. "It's okay. Teal'c is a friend and he'll take John to the infirmary. We're needed in the conference room." Ronon nodded and looked back at Teal'c as he handed John over to him.  
  
"I shall make sure he is safe," Teal'c told him quietly. Ronon nodded slowly. He gave John one last look before Teal'c turned and walked down the ramp with him in his arms. Ronon glanced over at Rodney who was beckoning him to follow. Ronon walked down the ramp and followed his friends up to the conference room.   
  
*********************  
  
John slowly opened his eyes and tried to focus on his surroundings. Where am I, he thought. I don't recognize… oh… wait. John sighed heavily. He knew now where he was. He was back at the SGC. For a moment, he felt nothing, numbness, and then it hit him and he felt as if his whole world had fallen out form under his feet. He cried out, in pain, in agony, in anguish and in fear. Two medics came forward as he struggled to get off the bed, away from it all. A doctor came running in with a syringe in his hand and John felt a sharp pain in his arm and then he felt himself falling into darkness.  
  
*******************************  
  
The debriefing was over. General Landry sat in the conference room with Jack O'Neill and the rest of the family. It was quiet. There wasn't much left to be said. They sat there in a somewhat comfortable silence until Jack spoke quietly.  
  
"It was the right thing to do, General." Landry looked over at him then at the other men sitting around the table.  
  
"I'm not going to argue with you, Jack," Landry said quietly. "Just put something viable in your final report, please? You can not send your report in to the higher-ups with it written that your reason for destroying Atlantis was because Colonel Sheppard had been hurt within it's walls."  
  
"Can we write down that we destroyed Atlantis because she agreed with us that she never should have been found again in the first place?" Landry turned quickly to face Daniel Jackson who wasn't looking at anyone in the room at that moment.  
  
"Excuse me?" Daniel looked up slowly and found that everyone was looking at him suspiciously; even Jack who knew Daniel was telling the truth.  
  
"Atlantis knew that John would wake the Wraith. Atlantis knew that by waking the Wraith, John would feel obligated to remain in the Pegasus galaxy until the Wraith were destroyed. Atlantis knew all of this, Sir. And when her highly favored son was injured and almost killed because of his loyalty to her, Atlantis realized that it never should have been found again."  
  
"Are you telling me that Atlantis could think, Dr. Jackson?"  
  
"Actually, Sir," Rodney interrupted, causing everyone to look at him this time. "It is my belief that Atlantis survived only because there were Ascended beings living within her." Jack nodded slowly.  
  
"They're right, General," Jack agreed quietly. "Atlantis wasn't just a city, it wasn't just walls and computers and wires and lights. The Ancients, after their Ascension, resided within the city itself and kept it alive." Landry slowly shook his head.  
  
"I'm not so sure I want to hear any more of this tonight, gentlemen. Get some rest. Get off base and no missions or off world activities for at least a week." The men nodded and stood as Landry stood and left the room. Jack looked at the members of his family, including the newly arrived Ronon Dex. Ronon looked somewhat out of place, perhaps even a little lost in this new place and Jack wondered what he could do to make things right for the younger man.  
  
"Ronon?" Ronon looked at Jack slowly.  
  
"I'm fine, Sir," he answered carefully. "I'd really like to check on Sheppard, though." Rodney stepped forward along with Carson.  
  
"We're headed that way now. Come on." Ronon nodded to Jack then turned and followed Rodney and Carson out of the briefing room, bumping into yet another man in uniform.   
  
"Sorry," Ronon muttered quietly. The man didn't seem to hear him as he continued into the conference room. Daniel had just walked over to Jack when he caught a movement from the corner of his eye. Jack saw the look and turned as well to see Cameron standing in the doorway. Cameron looked at them both and swallowed past the lump in his throat.  
  
"You've been back two hours and I had to find out from Teal'c," he said softly. Daniel moved away from Jack and walked towards Cameron.  
  
"Cameron…" Cameron shook his head.  
  
"Where's John? Is he alive? Did you get him back here?" Daniel moved closer and stopped just in front of his lover.  
  
"He's in the infirmary. We were able to find a cure for him. Cameron, I'm sorry…" Jack saw what was happening before Daniel did and moved faster, catching Cameron underneath the arm before Cameron collapsed to the ground. He was shaking. Jack lowered him to the floor, slamming the door closed. Daniel went to his knees as Jack slid one hand behind Cameron's neck, holding there tightly.  
  
"Cameron?" Jack asked quietly.  
  
"There was no word for two days… no messages, no Intel, no nothing. No one would tell me what was happening, or what had happened. No one told me if you were coming home or if you'd been hurt or killed or captured…" his voice trailed off and Jack and Daniel both wrapped their arms around him.  
  
"We're home, Cam," Daniel whispered softly. "It's okay. We're home."  
  
*****************************  
  
Ronon, Rodney and Carson stood inside the infirmary next to John's bed. The doctor on duty had told them what had happened when John had woken and Carson was now monitoring his life signs. After a couple of minutes, John stirred and slowly opened his eyes.  
  
"He beautiful," Rodney whispered, holding back his tears as he watched John's eyes focus on him. "Welcome back." John swallowed thickly and nodded slowly.  
  
"We're home?" he asked softly. Rodney nodded.  
  
"Oh yeah, babe. We're home." Carson came into view and John looked up at him as well.  
  
"It's gone?" Carson frowned. Was John talking about the virus or Atlantis? Ronon stepped forward and took hold of John's hand in his own. John looked up at him.  
  
"It's gone, John," he answered softly. "I told you. I always keep my word." John nodded and squeezed Ronon's hand tightly before letting go. "I'll leave you with your family." He stepped back but was stopped by Rodney's hand on his shoulder.  
  
"You're family too," Rodney said quietly, his gaze still on John who nodded in agreement. Ronon stared at John, too amazed to speak. Instead, he settled on nodding as well. John closed his eyes again slowly and Carson pulled up three chairs to surround the small bed. It was going to be a slow night. They could all use the rest. Tomorrow would take care of itself. All that mattered at that moment was that they were all back home where they belonged.  
  
**********************  
  
On board the Daedelus, Caldwell paced his small office almost angrily. Behind him, in his personal quarters, Elizabeth was sleeping. Caldwell had told her to rest. It was going to be a long eighteen days until they reached Earth. They would need the rest for whatever was waiting for them when they arrived.  
  
Caldwell sat down at his desk and leaned back in his chair. As he let his thoughts wander, he closed his eyes for a moment. When they re-opened, there was just a flash of gold and then they were normal once more… Caldwell smiled, a menacing grin of sorts, and then seemed to return to himself again.

 

*******************************  
  
"So… tell me, again, why we're here?" Cameron Mitchell stood just near the Stargate, his sunglasses in place, P-90 in his hands, hat on his head, and a headache beginning to form. He'd inherited not only Carson Beckett but Ronon Dex as well. So now his team consisted of himself, Teal'c, Daniel, Carson and Ronon. It made for an interesting team all around. Of course, he had to chuckle at who John had been left with. John had himself, Major Lorne, Rodney, Teyla and Simmons. It had to be almost as much fun as his team, Cameron thought to himself.  
  
"We're here to investigate and study the isotropic measurements…"  
  
"Daniel!" Cameron yelled. Daniel turned to look at him slowly, a sheepish grin on his face. "It was a rhetorical question, genius. Go play with your toys and be ready to leave when I say so." Daniel stuck out his tongue at Cameron then turned and walked off. Cameron glanced over at Teal'c and nodded at him. Teal'c returned the nod and wandered off after Daniel. Carson and Ronon moved off to the left of the Stargate. "Hey, guys, don't wander off too far," Cameron cautioned them. They both nodded in his direction and continued walking. Cameron sighed heavily. "Yep, just me and my P-90, guardin' the gate, waitin' for the alarm to sound and the gang to return. Yep, that's my job… just… sit here and wait…"   
  
It had been approximately a month since Atlantis had been destroyed. The SGC had made several attempts to dial the Atlantis gate but the eighth chevron refused to lock. Atlantis had been true to her word. They were safe from the Wraith; at least for the time being anyway. Not that Cameron worried about the Wraith. They were light-years away. He was more concerned with the Goa'uld and, more recently, the Ori. Life never did seem to get easier with this job. A part of him looked forward to retirement, although he knew he still had at least another ten years or more before that time would come for him.  
  
John Sheppard had been released from the infirmary after a week and Jack had taken him out to the cabin in Minnesota for another week. No one else had gone with them. Jack's orders. Daniel hadn't liked it; for that matter, neither had McKay or Carson, but Jack's word was law to his family and damned if they didn't learn to obey the rules. When Jack and John had returned, Cameron had noticed that John seemed somewhat calmer than before. Carson had told him that his nightmares were few and far between and that he no longer looked at them with fear or guilt. Cameron supposed Jack had been right in taking the man with him, but Cameron had to wonder if it would all turn out okay in the end.  
  
Cameron's thoughts turned to Daniel. Gods how he had come to love his archaeologist. He chuckled softly. His archaeologist, he thought. Jack would strangle me if he could read my thoughts sometimes. Cameron sighed heavily and sat down on the steps that led up to the Gate. Over the past few months, Cameron had come to be thankful for Daniel "bringing him home" as the case might be and he was even more thankful that Jack had been okay with having him in their lives. Cameron loved them all, but his heart belonged to Daniel.  
  
He'd watched Daniel with Rodney over the past couple of weeks and he'd know that Daniel's attentions were focusing more and more on the scientist lately. Cameron wondered if Jack had noticed it as well. It might explain why Jack was staying in DC more often than not these days. Cameron hated that Jack was gone. Even John seemed to be more restless when the older man was away. Cameron figured that maybe tonight he'd hang out with John. He knew Rodney, Daniel and Carson had some lecture they wanted to go to tonight and Cameron knew he and John would be bored out of their minds. Pool… maybe a bar with a big screen and a good football game. Yeah. That sounded really good.  
  
"Dial the gate!" Uh oh… that didn't sound good at all. Cameron was up on his feet, P-90 pointing towards the woods, hands already on the DHD when Daniel came running through the gate at full speed, Teal'c just behind him, firing his staff weapon. "Dial the damn gate!" Cameron turned and dialed as Carson and Ronon came crashing through the brush off to his left. The gate came to life and Cameron turned to help Teal'c hold off whatever was coming their way.  
  
"Go!" He yelled at the rest of the team. Ronon pulled out his own weapon, firing with them as Daniel and Carson headed up the stairs and through the gate. Cameron turned to Ronon. "Go!" Ronon turned and ran up the steps, jumping through the gate as well. Cameron then turned to Teal'c. "Go, T. I'm right behind you." Teal'c nodded and continued firing as he ran through the gate. Cameron followed, still firing. He turned to enter the gate and felt a blinding flash of pain sear through his back. He pulled himself through the gate and collapsed onto the ramp on the other side. He looked up for a brief moment, noting that everyone else had gotten through in one piece, and then promptly passed out.  
  
********************************  
  
"Jaffa, General," Daniel said quietly as he turned to face General Landry. "We were attacked by no less than thirty Jaffa in the service of the Goa'uld god known as Ptah." Landry raised a brow slightly.  
  
"A new god for the Goa'uld?" he asked, slightly surprised. Daniel nodded slowly.  
  
"I have no idea why it's taken us almost ten years to come across this particular Goa'uld, but I recognized the headdress and it was definitely the symbols of Ptah. Like Osiris, Ptah was an Egyptian earth god. In the Book of the Dead, it is said that Ptah was an architect, the builder of the framework for the universe. He also built the boats for the souls of the dead to use in the afterlife." Landry nodded slowly.  
  
"And you realize you've just told me nothing I will ever remember after this briefing, right?" Daniel nodded.  
  
"Sorry, Sir."  
  
"General Landry," Teal'c began quietly. "Do we not find it strange that up until today, we had not heard or had any recent encounters with the Goa'uld since our return from Atlantis?"  
  
"What are you saying, Teal'c?" Landry asked quietly.  
  
"Could it be possible that someone alerted them to our presence on the planet?" Landry glanced around the table at the members of SG-1. Ronon nodded slowly.  
  
"It was supposed to be in uninhabited planet, something that Dr. Jackson said had not even been visited by the Goa'uld. I'm with Teal'c. I find it damned convenient that they just happen to show up the same day as us." Landry nodded as well and turned to Carson.  
  
"Dr. Beckett?" Carson sighed heavily.  
  
"Colonel Mitchell is still unconscious, General. We're not even sure he'll make it through the next forty-eight hours. If we were attacked, if there is a spy, we need to stop goin' through the gate until we find out who it is."   
  
"I concur with Dr. Beckett's assessment, General Landry," Teal'c said gravely. Daniel and Ronon both nodded as well. Landry took a deep breath then nodded as well.  
  
"I'll recall SG-2, 5 and 9 immediately and suspend all off world travel until further notice. SG-1, you're dismissed." The team stood and moved out of the briefing room. Landry waited until they were gone then picked up the phone. "Get me General O'Neill immediately."  
  
*************************  
  
John was standing up on the platform at the house when he heard footsteps on the ladder. He'd been back on world for about twelve hours. Cameron was still in the infirmary in critical condition. He'd ordered Rodney, Daniel and Carson home about four hours ago and, to the best of his knowledge, they were still asleep in the large bed in Jack's room. Ronon was walking the perimeter of the house as quietly and unnoticeable a possible. John had Landry's word that if there was any change in Cameron's condition, the general would call him immediately. John's back was to the ladder but he knew someone was coming. He wasn't so sure he cared, but he had an idea of who it might be, his guess based on the amount of time passed and where he was, after all.  
  
"Taking first watch?" John nodded but didn't turn around.  
  
"And second and third if necessary," he answered stoically. "Ronon is walking the perimeter."   
  
"Damn, he's good. I haven't seen him and I've been here about fifteen minutes." John nodded slowly. The footsteps drew closer and John's body seemed to become rigid in anticipation of what might come. "It wasn't your fault," came the whispered voice against his ear. John swallowed hard past the lump in his throat.  
  
"If you say so, Sir," he answered almost painfully. The whisper was replaced by a slight growl.  
  
"Not your fault, John."  
  
"Yes, Sir." A hand landed on his shoulder. "Don't, Sir. Please."  
  
Behind him, Jack O'Neill wasn't sure whether to leave John alone or try to make him see reason. What bothered Jack the most was that John hadn't called him "Sir" in a private setting in over a year now.  
  
"Did you tell the Goa'uld where to find SG-1, Colonel?" Two could play this game, but Jack wasn't playing so much as trying to make a point.  
  
"No, Sir. Why would I…"  
  
"Are you, perhaps, a Goa'uld and you're helping our enemy?" Jack interrupted angrily, his voice a mere harsh whisper against the side of John's face. John swallowed harshly.  
  
"No, Sir."  
  
"Prove it," Jack demanded quietly. John took a deep breath and let it out in a harsh shudder. Jack slid his hands up along John's arms and pulled the younger man back against him. "Come on, John, prove to me that you're who you say you are and not some Goa'uld spy…" John shut himself down as he turned to face Jack, taking a step back from him.  
  
"You want proof? If I was a spy, the rest of our family would be DEAD, SIR," he yelled angrily. "You want proof?! Go check your bedroom, Sir, and see for yourself. I MADE THEM COME HOME! I wasn't going to leave them on base where God knows what else could happen to them! Cameron may not come home!" And here, John's voice cracked and he lost his anger. "Oh... gods… he might not…" He pushed away from Jack and paced the very small space, Jack watching the tremor in his hands and the way his steps weren't exactly even. Before he could react, John collapsed to his knees and screamed. Jack dropped down next to him, removing the gun from his reach, and wrapping his arms around him.  
  
"Shh… John, it's okay. I'm home, the others are safe, and it's okay. Let it go, John, just… let it go." He held John, rocking him gently. He heard the footsteps but knew John wasn't hearing anything at all. Jack turned his head only slightly to find Ronon standing there, gun ready but not pointing at them. Jack nodded towards the Satedan and Ronon nodded back. His gaze fell on John and Jack saw the pain there before Ronon turned and went back down the ladder. Jack sighed heavily.  
  
"I wasn't there…" Jack shook his head.  
  
"Neither was I, John," he answered. "But we're both here now. We're going to find this traitor and he's going to pay." He leaned back from John and slid his fingers under the younger man's chin, making him look up. "Whoever set this up will pay." John nodded slowly.  
  
"Yes, Sir," he answered softly. Jack frowned.  
  
"Don't call me Sir at home, John. Come on. You know better." John nodded and leaned forward again, resting his head on Jack's chest for a brief moment.  
  
"I'm glad your home, Jack," he whispered.  
  
"Me too, John. Me too."  
  
***********************  
  
Two weeks earlier - cabin in Minnesota  
  
Jack had been the first to awaken. John was still asleep in their bed. He'd been sedated for the trip to the cabin and hadn't bothered to wake since. Jack knew he was all right, though, because he was breathing, and there'd been a nightmare earlier in the morning. Jack walked into the kitchen and put on a fresh pot of coffee then did a quick inventory of his pantry and refrigerator. Feretti had done a good job of getting everything stocked in a short amount of time. Jack knew the rest of his family weren't too happy with him for taking Jon away from them, but Jack needed time with John in order to get John's head straight again before they went home and back to work so to speak.  
  
Jack set out everything he'd need to make breakfast, then took a fresh mug of coffee and walked back upstairs to the master bedroom. John lay on his back, the covers having fallen just to his waist, his arms behind his bed and under his pillow. Jack smiled. All special ops people learned to sleep that way after awhile. If you slept, you did so on your back, hands beneath your pillow, one hand holding your pistol, the other hand holding the magazine. As Jack closed the door, he turned to find hazel eyes watching him intently. The blue discoloration was still visible, but only somewhat and only when the light hit John's skin at just the right angle.  
  
"I thought you were gone," John whispered softly, as he watched Jack move closer to him. Jack gave him a calming smile and set down on the bed next to him, setting the coffee mug on the bedside table.  
  
"I thought the same thing this time yesterday." John nodded slowly and pushed himself up so that he was leaning against the headboard, dragging the sheets a little further down against his hips. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Do I have to go anywhere or do anything?" Jack slowly shook his head as John reached for the coffee. "Then I guess I'm okay." Jack watched him for a moment. John took a sip of the coffee then set it back down, his gaze shying away from Jack's.  
  
"You weren't doing so well back home, John," Jack began quietly. "I needed to get you away from the mountain and away from all the machines and the guns and stargates. I also needed to get you away from the rest of the family."  
  
"I was scaring them," John whispered. Jack shook his head slowly.  
  
"Look at me, John." John looked up at him slowly. "They weren't scared of you. They are scared for you. Too many things have been dumped on your shoulders in the past few months and then you almost died, alone, with none of us around. You were damn lucky you had Ronon with you." John nodded and Jack saw the tears fighting for release.  
  
"I wanted to die," John said quietly, looking away. "I hated what I did when that virus began to take over. I deserved to die. I couldn't save Aiden; I let Rodney's replacement almost destroy an entire solar system. I couldn't do anything right and the more I thought about coming home, the worse I felt about leaving them all behind to fend for themselves. Anytime I suggested going home, Caldwell was right there, agreeing with me and yet, making me feel like a deserter." Jack bit back the growl. He should have known Caldwell would do that to John.   
  
"You did nothing wrong, John," Jack said, sliding his fingers through black, silky hair. John turned back towards him. "Nothing. You're home now and we'll work through it all, okay?" John nodded slowly and let Jack pull him into his arms, holding him there tightly. "Everything's okay, John. I'm glad you're home."  
  
"Me too, Jack."  
  
***************************  
  
Present  
  
Colonel Stephen Caldwell walked through the halls of the mountain complex, nodding at various airmen and staff members who greeted him as they passed him. He thought back on his days in Atlantis, what few there were of them, and a surge of anger hit him at the fact that he hadn't done anything to stop the destruction of Atlantis. Instead, he'd grabbed what he could and had left. Of course, what he'd grabbed wasn't of much use to him anymore. Then too, he thought, as his eyes flashed an iridescent gold, the system lords wouldn't be too happy with either. He had spoken to Ptah, however, and his god was somewhat happy. From what he'd heard, the Jaffa in Ptah's service had almost managed to capture Dr. Jackson and the traitor, Teal'c, but had been held off by Colonel Mitchell. Caldwell grinned almost maliciously. Mitchell would pay for his insolence…  
  
Caldwell entered the infirmary and stopped just near the doctor on duty. The doctor turned and glanced over at Caldwell, not recognizing him from the other personnel on base. He put down his chart and walked over to him.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't allow just anyone to come into the infirmary." Caldwell looked down at him.  
  
"It's all right, Doctor," he said in a friendly, human voice. "I'm here to see Colonel Mitchell. I understand he was injured pretty badly earlier yesterday." The doctor's eyes narrowed slightly but then he turned and led Caldwell towards Mitchell's bed.  
  
"He is still unconscious. I've warned General Landry that if he doesn't wake up in the next twenty four hours, then in all likelihood, we will have lost him for good." Caldwell sighed softly. The doctor gave him a more understanding look. "It's hard to lose good men."  
  
"Yes it is, Doctor," Caldwell answered quietly. "Do you mind if I stay for a couple of minutes?" The doctor smiled and shook his head.  
  
"Not at all, Sir. But, no longer than a couple of minutes, please." Caldwell nodded and the doctor turned and walked away. Caldwell turned back to Cameron and moved closer, bending over him.  
  
"You weren't my choice, Colonel Mitchell. I just want you to understand that. You got in the way and I'm sorry to say that the choice, as of now, has been taken out of my hands…"  
  
*******************************  
  
Jack awoke to the sound of something being smashed in a room below him. He sat up, finding Daniel and Rodney asleep in the bed with him. Carson was nowhere to be found and Jack had no idea where Ronon might be. He'd left John asleep in the guest room downstairs about three hours earlier. Something else crashed and then he heard yelling.  
  
"John! For the love of God, man, get back here!" That was Carson. Daniel and Rodney both stirred and Jack quickly got up, pulling on jeans and a sweatshirt before taking off down the steps to find Carson standing in the middle of the room, looking shaken but unhurt.  
  
"Where'd he go, Carson?" Carson turned around and Jack saw the tears on his face. He turned and saw the phone smashed to pieces near the wall. Jack looked back at Carson as Ronon came in the room, dressed hastily. Jack had a brief moment to wonder where Ronon had been sleeping before Carson answered him.  
  
"I don't know, Jack," he whispered. "He answered the phone then he tore it out of the wall. He threw it and it smashed into pieces. Then he picked swiped his hand across the bar and glass went flying. Then he ran out the back door." Jack heard footsteps on the stairs as Daniel and Rodney came down, having heard the voices. Jack turned to them slowly.  
  
"Daniel, you and Rodney help Carson start cleaning up. Ronon and I will go after John." Rodney narrowed his eyes at Jack slightly and Jack gave him a curious glance. "Rodney?"  
  
"You said he was fine, Jack," Rodney said quietly. Jack took a deep breath and silently counted to ten.   
  
"This isn't about Atlantis, Rodney," he answered calmly. "Help Carson. We'll be back soon." Jack turned and Ronon followed him out the back door and into the back yard. Jack took the ladder and looked up on the platform, but John wasn't there. Ronon walked further into the backyard then around front.  
  
"O'Neill!" Ronon yelled as he walked slowly towards the front of the house. Jack came down from the ladder and jogged over to Ronon's side. As they came around the side of the house, they saw John sitting on the ground, his back against the garage door, head bowed down and his hands bleeding. Quietly, Jack and Ronon moved around until Ronon was in front of John and Jack was beside him. Jack slowly knelt down next to John.  
  
"John?" John raised his head and his hazel eyes met Jack's brown ones and Jack saw the pain and the tears. "What is it, John? What's happened?" John held out his hands, which were resting on his knees. Ronon knelt down as well and slid one of his hands into John's as Jack mirrored the act with the other hand. John's eyes stayed on Jack and Jack knew it wasn't going to be good.  
  
"He's dead," he whispered softly. Jack frowned softly.  
  
"Who, John? Who's dead?" The tears began again, falling faster down John's face and he closed his eyes tightly and swallowed past the lump in his throat before looking at Jack once more.  
  
"Cameron," he choked out between sobs. "Cameron's dead…" Before Jack or Ronon could say anything, Rodney walked out the front door, cell phone in his hand. Jack looked up at him, fighting back his own tears.  
  
"He's not… he didn't die," Rodney managed to say softly, as he moved closer to them, handing Jack the cell phone. "He ascended." Jack took the phone and left Rodney with John as he moved away from them.  
  
"O'Neill," he said into the phone.  
  
"Jack," General Landry said quietly. "I'm sorry, son. The doc said that Colonel Caldwell had been in to see Mitchell and, five minutes later, Mitchell became this ball of energy that just disappeared into the ceiling." Jack swallowed past the painful thickness in his throat and nodded before realizing Landry couldn't see him.  
  
"Thank you, Sir," he whispered then disconnected the call. He turned to find Rodney on the ground, arms wrapped around John, rocking him gently. For a moment, Jack couldn't react, but when he found the ability to do so again, he threw his phone as far as it would go and smacked his hand into the railing. Daniel and Carson came outside, hearing the noise and Daniel saw the look of anger in Jack's eyes. He pushed Carson towards Ronon, Rodney and John and walked over to Jack. Jack just kept glaring at him and Daniel sighed heavily.  
  
"I'm sorry, Jack," he whispered softly. For a moment, Jack didn't know what to say but then guilt quickly replaced the anger and he pulled Daniel towards him, holding him tightly.  
  
"So am I, Danny," he whispered into Daniel's hair. "Gods… so am I…" Jack kept his hold on Daniel for a moment before he pushed him away. "Gods… no… no, no, no…oh damnit!" Everyone turned and looked at Jack as he paced the small area angrily.   
  
"Jack?" Rodney asked carefully. Jack stopped and looked back at what remained of his family.  
  
"Our traitor," he said quietly. John looked up slowly and pushed himself to his feet, his hazel eyes set into hardened stones.  
  
"What about him?" John asked, his voice cold and unemotional.  
  
"It's Caldwell."  
  
"Excuse me?" Rodney said, not sure he believed what Jack had just said. "You're saying Caldwell is the traitor?"   
  
"I can't see that happening, Jack," Carson said, in agreement with Rodney. Jack looked at John then over at Ronon. Ronon seemed to be thinking it all out before nodding slowly.  
  
"Makes sense," he said quietly.   
  
"He was with Cameron just before he died… ascended," Jack said quietly. "It's him." John swallowed thickly then stepped closer to Jack and Jack saw more than just anger and pain in his hazel eyes. He saw the murder in those eyes and was sure his own eyes reciprocated the feeling.  
  
"He's dead," John whispered. Jack slowly shook his head.  
  
"We bury Cameron first, John. Family first. Don't ever forget that." John nodded.  
  
"Excuse me," Daniel said, raising a hand. "We can't bury him when he no longer has a body, Jack." Jack turned to look at Daniel slowly.  
  
"We can bury an empty coffin as a memorial to him, Danny." Daniel nodded slowly. "Caldwell may not have seen him ascend."   
  
"All right, Jack," Daniel said softly, the tears finally breaking free. Rodney pulled away from Carson and pulled Daniel into his arms, holding him tightly, letting him cry. Jack turned back to John.  
  
"We bury Cameron and then we deal with Caldwell." Jack nodded.  
  
************************  
  
 _Cameron felt himself moving just above the broken remains of his family and felt tears in his own eyes, but he couldn't shed them anymore. They didn't know he was there, they couldn't feel him yet. But soon, soon he would let them know he was there, always with them, waiting for them. He would guide them all until his family was with him once more for eternity…_

***************************  
  
Jack stood inside the briefing room, looking down into the gate room, watching as John and his team disembarked for a brief mission. Cameron's funeral was set for the next day. John was acting strange, but Jack noticed he looked a little more like himself today. As the gate activated, John turned and looked up at where Jack stood in the briefing room. He raised a hand to Jack and Jack returned the gesture. Get back here in one piece, John, Jack thought quietly as he watched John, Rodney, Lorne, Teyla and Simmons walk through the gate. The door to the briefing room opened and Jack turned to see Daniel and Carson walk in, followed by Ronon who was playing bodyguard by order of Jack and John. The door closed behind them and the all took seats around the table.  
  
"John get through the gate okay?" Ronon asked quietly. Jack nodded and glanced over at Daniel who was trying to look anywhere but at his lover. Jack sighed heavily. The argument the night before had continued on into today and Jack knew he needed to get them through it, but not right now.  
  
"We've scheduled the funeral for tomorrow at 1100 hours. It will be a very public service at the Academy followed by burial at the Academy cemetery. Afterwards, Ronon, you and Teal'c will make sure that Danny, Carson and Rodney get back to the cabin in Minnesota. John and I will take care of…everything else." Ronon nodded.  
  
"Jack," Carson began quietly. Jack turned to look over at him. "Like everyone else here at this table, I believe Caldwell deserves whatever is coming to him for what he did to Cameron, but I'm not so sure I agree with it bein' you an' John who does it." Jack raised a brow slightly.  
  
"I agree with him," Daniel said softly. Jack looked over at him as well. Daniel raised his head and his blue eyes met with Jack's brown ones. "If you and John are ever caught, indicted, charged, whatever, our lives are over. You and he will spend the rest of your lives in prison or, worse, find yourselves on the wrong end of a firing squad."  
  
"Danny, we don't execute soldiers that way anymore unless they're traitors." Daniel raised a brow slightly.  
  
"They'd make an exception, Jack, and you know I'm right. There are enough people who want to see you dead. They'd make an exception." Jack sighed heavily.  
  
"This is why John and I agreed not to kill him ourselves," Jack said quietly. "I've put in a call to Hammond and I'm waiting to hear back from him. I want some leverage before we do this. My other concern is that no one has seen or heard from Dr. Weir in the last two weeks. She came back with Caldwell aboard the Daedelus."   
  
"Caldwell may have killed her if he thought she'd figured out his secret," Carson replied before leaning back in his chair and sighing heavily. "I may not have liked Elizabeth all that much, but I'd never wish anyone dead."  
  
"Nor would I," Ronon agreed. "Perhaps we should talk to a few of the people onboard the Daedelus and see what they can tell us." Jack nodded.  
  
"Good idea, Ronon. I'll get clearance from Landry and you and Daniel and Carson can go talk to a few people. They're here in the Mountain on leave, but from what I remember, they have an Asgard in their crew. Maybe he'll have some answers for us."  
  
********************************  
  
John stood just inside the locker room, his eyes gazing at Cameron's area of the room. Slowly, he walked over towards the small area and let his fingers trail down the sleeve of one of Cameron's shirts. John had returned from his brief mission about half an hour earlier and he'd come straight here, having felt the need to be anywhere but near the damn gate. He let his hand tighten around one sleeve and squeezed his eyes shut tightly.  
  
"Cameron…" he whispered softly.  
  
 _"Did you need something, John?" John turned around to find Cameron watching him, a knowing look in his dark eyes. John shrugged slightly then leaned against the wall, watching him as he walked further into the room.  
  
"Why don't you tell me, Cam?" John replied suggestively. Cameron chuckled and closed the door behind him, pulling it tightly then moving towards John slowly. He was a couple of inches taller than John and John glanced up at him, his arms folded across his chest. Cameron reached down and slid his fingers through the silky black hair, leaning in closer to Sheppard.  
  
"Why don't I show you instead?" he breathed out against the side of John's face just before he kissed him softly. John swallowed thickly and unfolded his arms, sliding his hands up along Cameron's chest, feeling the hardened muscles beneath the fabric of his shirt.   
  
"Why don't you," he whispered as Cameron's mouth descended upon his own. They both knew how risky this was, but at that moment, neither of them seemed to care. They all knew John was leaving to go back to Atlantis any day now. Cameron knew he couldn't just come out and admit he didn't want John to leave, but damn if he couldn't show him. Without breaking the kiss, Cameron pushed John towards the showers, stripping them both as they walked. He broke the kiss long enough to get his shirt and John's off and thrown to the floor. John stepped out of his pants and Cameron kicked off his boots and his pants before reaching past John and turning on the water. He leaned in, nipping playfully at John's shoulder before John's hands slid across his lower back and curved against his ass. He groaned and slammed John against the wall beneath the fall of hot water. John hissed slightly in pain just before Cameron sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. John grabbed his waist and pulled him closer. Cameron chuckled darkly and slid his own hands down along John's chest and lower, wrapping on hand around John's hardened cock. John gasped and Cameron's other hand came to rest on the wall just next to John's head. John looked up at him, his eyes dilated with need.   
  
"Is this what you needed, John? Someone to show you that they'd miss you when you're gone?" John watched him for a moment and Cameron stroked him slowly, bringing rough sounds from the back of John's throat. "Tell me what you need…" The unspoken 'Tell me how to make you stay' could be seen in his eyes and John almost told him.  
  
"I need this," John answered brokenly, unable to voice all of his feelings. "I need you, now. Please." Cameron leaned in closer and kissed him almost bruisingly before turning John around towards the wall. He slid his hands down John's side and one hand slid between them, his fingers brushing against John's opening as he did so. "Yes…" John pleaded and Cameron slowly slid one finger inside of John just as he kissed him against the shoulder.  
  
"Soon, John, soon," he whispered promisingly, before sliding a second finger in alongside the first. John hissed but pushed back against him all the same. Cameron removed his fingers then slid his length against John's ass and John pushed again. "Slow down, John," Cameron whispered. "I don't want to hurt you."  
  
"Please, Cameron… I need this… you…" Cameron slowly pushed himself into John, or as slowly as John would allow him to at that point. Cameron had to brace his hands against John's back to keep him from hurting them both. It took a couple of minutes before Cameron was comfortable letting him go, setting a rhythm for them both. He then reached around and slid his hand along John's cock, stroking in time with their movements.  
  
"Come back to me, John… come back to us…" Cameron whispered as their movements increased and John could do little more than nod an answer before he cried out Cameron's name and felt the release from his body. Cameron blinked back tears as he thrust forward twice more before calling John's name against his ear, bracing his hands on the wall in front of them. He slid one hand around John's waist, supporting them both until John found his legs again. Cameron turned John to face him and kissed him gently.  
  
"I'll come back, Cameron," John whispered, sliding fingers alongside Cameron's face.  
  
"You better," Cameron bit back, trying hard not to cry. "You damn well better." John looked at him for a moment then smiled softly.  
  
"Love you too," John whispered…_  
  
John opened his eyes, tears falling down his face. He stepped away from Cameron's locker space and swiped a hand through his hair. As he turned to leave the locker room, he swore he felt a breeze brush gently against his body. When he turned around, there was no one there.  
  
"Love you too," John whispered softly as he turned and walked out of the locker room.  
  
**************************  
  
 _The next morning_  
  
Jack, John, Rodney, Carson and Daniel rode together to the Academy. By Jack's order, in hopes that it would keep John grounded, Major Lorne and Ronon were in the car just behind theirs. Jack could handle Daniel and he knew Rodney and Carson would be okay for the most part. Yes, they'd loved Cameron as well, but Jack knew how much Cameron had meant to Daniel and how much he'd come to mean to John in the past year. He wasn't taking any chances. He knew Caldwell would be at the funeral. All high-ranking officers at the Mountain were expected to be there. Ronon and Lorne would keep John in check, in case something went wrong.  
  
The SUV pulled up at the entrance to the Academy and two airmen appeared to open the doors. Jack stepped out from the driver's side, buttoning his dress jacket and pulling on his cap. On the opposite side of the vehicle from him, John stepped out, mirroring Jack's movements. Rodney, Carson and Daniel all wore dark suits, with similar looking ties. They'd had to go shopping the night before. It hadn't been a fun time for any of them. The car behind them came to a stop and Major Lorne stepped out, also in full dress uniform, followed by Ronon, also wearing a suit. Jack glanced around at the remains of his family then nodded towards the others with him. It was going to be one hell of a day.  
  
As they made their way to the Academy chapel, Jack fell back towards Lorne and Ronon. John walked ahead with Rodney at his side and Carson and Daniel just behind him. Jack watched them for a moment, and then turned his attention to Lorne and Ronon.  
  
"Thank you both for being here," he began quietly. "It means a lot to us all. If things start going downhill during the service or the burial, I need the two of you to make sure John doesn't say or do anything that could end his career. Do we all understand each other?"  
  
"Understood, General," Lorne answered quietly. "After the burial, do you want Ronon and I to stick around or should we take the scientists back to the house?"  
  
"I don't want Danny, Rodney or Carson anywhere near what's going to happen." Jack turned to Ronon. "What did you find out?"  
  
"The Asgard aboard the Daedelus was very helpful," Ronon said quietly. "Caldwell is definitely our traitor. According to Hermiod, Dr. Weir hasn't been back to the Daedelus since she was first reported as missing." Jack sighed heavily.  
  
"We can't deal with that right now, Ronon. But at least we have proof?" Ronon patted his suit jacket and nodded. "Good." He turned and walked faster to catch up to his family. He moved into a walk that put John between him and Rodney. It would work for now. As they neared the chapel, Ronon came up beside Rodney and Rodney slowed his pace down just enough to put him with Carson and Daniel and allow Lorne to move up next to John. At the entrance to the chapel, Teal'c, Sam Carter, General Landry and General Hammond, all of whom wore either dress blues or a suit, met them. Jack nodded towards Teal'c who escorted Ronon and the scientists into the chapel, sitting them near the front of the chapel. John peered inside and swallowed thickly.  
  
"I haven't done this since Afghanistan," he whispered softly. Jack dropped a hand onto his shoulder, squeezing briefly then turned towards Sam who gave him a brief smile and he hugged her gently.  
  
"Not a reason I wanted to be given to come home, Sir," she whispered softly.  
  
"I know, Sam, but thanks for being here." Sam stepped back and nodded.  
  
"You're welcome, Sir." Jack turned to George Hammond who shook his hand then did the same with John Sheppard. "George. Good to see you."  
  
"You too, Son," Hammond answered quietly, nodding at John as well. "Sorry the circumstances weren't better."  
  
"So are we, Sir," John answered quietly. There was the sound of footsteps and Jack and John turned to see Colonel Caldwell approaching along with Sgt. Bates. John took a step forward but Lorne beat him to it, holding a hand out towards Caldwell who stopped and took the offered hand, shaking it.  
  
"Good to see you again, Sir," Lorne said with a tight smile. Caldwell released Lorne's hand as Lorne turned to Bates. "Good to see you again, Bates."  
  
"You too, Major," Bates said, shaking Lorne's hand before turning to Sheppard. "Colonel. Good to see you again." John stepped forward and shook Bates' hand.  
  
"You too, Sergeant." He turned his gaze towards Caldwell who raised a brow slightly before John held out his hand. "Colonel Caldwell. I trust you're doing well." Caldwell took the hand, a little too tightly for John's liking but John refused to back down.  
  
"I am indeed, Colonel. I trust the same can be said for you."  
  
"Except for the loss of Colonel Mitchell, we're holding our own, Colonel," Jack said quietly, causing Caldwell to turn towards him. "We'll let you and Sergeant Bates get seated, Sir, before we start." Caldwell nodded and, after acknowledging the other two generals, he and Bates walked into the chapel. Jack turned back to John slowly. John closed his eyes for a moment then opened them to find Jack staring at him.  
  
"I'm fine, General," he said stoically. Jack nodded once, but he didn't buy the words at all. He shot a glance at Lorne who nodded and came to John's side. More footsteps this time as the honor guard arrived with the empty coffin. Only Jack, John, Landry and the family knew the coffin was empty. Everyone else would just assume that Cameron's body was inside. The honor guard came forward and led the procession into the chapel to the refrain of 'Eternal Father, Strong to Save'.  
  
*********************  
  
"Unto Almighty God, we commend the soul of our brother departed and we commit his body to the deep…" Daniel listened to the words of the chaplain but his mind was elsewhere as they stood over the grave that would hold an empty coffin in remembrance of Cameron Mitchell.   
  
"…Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust…"  
  
 _"Do you ever wonder what might happen if she ever comes back for you again, Daniel?" Daniel turned his head slightly to find Cameron watching him from the doorway. Daniel leaned back in his chair and sighed heavily.  
  
"She won't," he answered softly. "Not anytime soon, anyway. Being banished by the ancients isn't exactly a good thing, Cam." Cameron pushed away from the doorway and came further into Daniel's office, sitting on the edge of the desk. "What's really on your mind, Cam?" Daniel asked as he slid on hand along Cameron's leg. Cameron dropped his hand down to cover Daniel's.  
  
"How close we came to dying this time," he said quietly. "I'm not sure I want to die, Daniel." Daniel nodded slowly and leaned forward. Cameron looked down at him, blue eyes watching his so intently. "I wonder if you're the only one that can ascend."  
  
"That you ask the question should already give you the answer, Cameron," Daniel said softly. "If she comes for you one of these days, take her up on the offer. There's a world out there that you'd love. I promise…"_  
  
"…at whose coming in glorious majesty to judge the world, the earth and sea shall give up their dead…" Daniel closed his eyes, feeling a soft breeze brush past him and he smiled softly.  
  
"Promise," he whispered against the breeze before opening his eyes and catching Jack's gaze. Jack watched his lover intently from the opposite side of the coffin. Daniel had seemed lost in memories for a moment and Jack wondered if he was okay. He raised a brow slightly and Daniel gave him a soft, quick smile and nodded once. Jack returned the nod, then turned his attention back to the service, but only his eyes remained on the chaplain. His mind, like Daniel's earlier, was on Cameron.  
  
 _"You'd miss me?" Jack turned around to find Cameron standing behind him, dressed in blue jeans and a soft flannel shirt.  
  
"What?" Jack asked curiously. Cameron shrugged a little and stepped closer.  
  
"You said 'I'd have missed him if he hadn't come home'." Jack nodded slowly and reached out, pulling Cameron closer to him. "You saying you'd miss me?" Jack nodded slowly, wrapping his arms around Cameron, holding on to him a little more tightly than he should.  
  
"I'd miss you, Cameron. More than you could know, I guess." Cameron leaned in and kissed Jack gently. Jack slid his hands up along Cameron's back, pulling him closer in the process.  
  
"I'll try not to leave you anytime soon then," he whispered softly. Jack smiled at him and slid one hand down the side of Cameron's face.  
  
"Yeahsureyoubetcha," he said with a soft chuckle. "Make sure you don't," he ended with before kissing Cameron once more and finding himself lost in that kiss and those hands…_  
  
Jack opened his eyes, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. He looked up for a moment then back over to where the honor guard had begun folding the flag that had draped the coffin.  
  
"Miss you," he whispered softly. He wasn't surprised when, a moment later, he felt a slight breeze moved just along the side of his face. He smiled sadly then turned his attention back to the burial. The flag was folded then brought to Jack who saluted the honor guard member then received the flag, holding it tightly. As the airman stepped away, the guns fired and Jack saw John flinch out of the corner of his eye. Another volley was fired and Jack turned to see Rodney holding onto Daniel as tightly as he could without drawing too much attention to them. A third volley fired and he heard Lorne whisper to John to just hold it together a little longer. Jack let his emotions and his soul slowly begin to shut down, preparing himself for what he knew would be coming soon enough.  
  
*********************  
  
"Colonel Caldwell, a moment of your time, Sir?" Stephen Caldwell stopped and turned around to see General George Hammond heading his way. With a sigh, he turned to Bates.  
  
"Go get the car ready, Sergeant. I'll be along shortly." Bates nodded and walked off. At the burial site, Jack and John stood, watching the coffin being lowered into the ground. Everyone else had already left the immediate area. General Landry walked alongside General Hammond as they reached Colonel Caldwell. Stephen smiled at them briefly.  
  
"What can I do for you, General?" he asked casually. Hammond regarded him for a moment.  
  
"With Colonel Mitchell's death, General Landry tells me he needs a new commander for SG-1. I suggested you, but he feared you wouldn't want to give up command of your ship. I told him the worst that could happen was that we ask and you say no." Caldwell smiled slightly, looking between Hammond and Landry for a moment.  
  
"I would gladly give up command of the Daedelus if it meant I'd be able to help capture whatever enemy did this to Colonel Mitchell, Sir." Hammond nodded slowly.  
  
"We know that the Jaffa responsible for his death serve the Goa'uld known as Ptah. We have reason to believe there is a spy in the mountain." Caldwell nodded slowly.  
  
"Anything is possible, General," he said carefully. At the burial site, Jack pulled out a handheld remote and spoke into it quietly.  
  
"We also know that the traitor used Asgard technology to report the location of SG-1 the day Colonel Mitchell was fatally wounded," Landry said quietly, stepping closer. "I'm fairly certain the Asgard won't be happy to learn that their technology got one of my men killed." Caldwell turned his attention to Landry.  
  
"General, I have never been all that comfortable with our alliance with the Asgard. For all we know, it could have been the Asgard that gave away the location of SG-1. Hell, it could have been a member of the Tok'ra or even a member of the Tollan. Take your pick, Sirs. But, I am more than ready and willing to do what I can to find Mitchell's killers." Hammond smiled slightly.  
  
"We were hoping you'd say that, Colonel." Before Caldwell could respond, a flash of light surrounded him and he disappeared. George turned back towards the burial site just in time to see two more beams of light flash and then disappear, taking Jack and John with them. He looked at Landry and sighed heavily. Landry slowly shook his head.  
  
"We both knew we wouldn't stop them, George." Hammond nodded slowly.  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
**************************  
  
"Who are you? I demand that you release me now!" The voice no longer sounded human. The eyes flashed iridescent gold and the voice held tones that were a mixture of baritone and bass. The Goa'uld turned its attention towards Jack and John. "How did you guess the truth, humans?" John took a step forward but Jack stopped him. Caldwell was trapped inside a small shield, designed by the Asgard, on whose ship they now stood.  
  
"No guessing to it, snake head," Jack replied bitterly. "We just put two and two together and, with some help from the Asgard on the Daedelus, we found the final equation and realized who our traitor was. Now. Who are you?" The Goa'uld caused Caldwell to smile menacingly.  
  
"I am your god Ptah. I am your creator, the one who built your world and the one who shall build your transports into the afterlife. Release me now and I shall show favor upon you both!" Jack shook his head.  
  
"False god, buddy. You're no god, but that was a really good pitch. Our friends the Asgard are going to have a really nice time with you and then, when they're done with you, you get to deal with us." 'Caldwell' looked between John and Jack and narrowed his eyes slightly.  
  
"You'll die by my hand, humans."  
  
"Not today," John said quietly. "Jack, why don't you go get the Asgard. I'll wait here with him." Jack nodded and turned, leaving the room to go and find Thor. John walked over to the panel on the wall and pushed the button there, disabling the shield. 'Caldwell' looked at him in surprise.  
  
"You release me, human. Why? What do you hope to gain from this?" John stepped closer and 'Caldwell' watched him curiously.  
  
"I want to know why you killed Cameron. Why him? What gain came from it?" 'Caldwell' actually sighed heavily and shook his head.  
  
"The choice of his death was not mine. I gave him release, human. You should thank me for sparing him the suffering and pain he would have endured had I allowed him to live." John nodded slowly and stepped closer to 'Caldwell'.  
  
"Then perhaps you'll thank me," he said just before a large knife slid out form beneath the sleeve of his jacket and sunk into 'Caldwell's' throat deeply. "For saving you the pain and suffering you would endure here." 'Caldwell clawed at John's hand as John slid the knife in further, blood spewing forth, over his hands, over the knife, onto the dress blues, splashing onto his face as well. He heard footsteps, but it didn't matter. It would all be over soon enough.  
  
"John!" Jack yelled as he came forward and pulled John off of the dying 'Caldwell'. Jack turned as 'Caldwell' fell to the ground, sputtering, unable to draw a breath. The eyes flashed and then it really was Caldwell once more. He turned his gaze just enough to meet John's briefly.  
  
"Thank … you…" he whispered, his voice thick with blood and little air. His eyes flashed once more and then he was gone. Jack turned back to John who had pushed himself back against the wall, his legs drawn up to his chest, blood everywhere. Jack had no way of knowing if John was hurt or not so he approached him slowly, kneeling down next to him.  
  
"John?" There was no response at all. John's eyes stayed locked on the dead body behind Jack. "John, look at me," Jack said softly, sliding his fingers beneath John's chin, forcing his head to turn, but the eyes never moved. Jack sighed heavily as Thor came into the room.  
  
"Oh my," Thor said quietly. Jack looked up at him.  
  
"I need you to get us home, Thor. Quickly." Thor nodded and turned, leaving the room again. Jack slid his arms around John and stood, picking him up in his arms. A wash of light surrounded them and in a mere moment, Jack found himself in the living room of his house, still holding John in his arms. There were footsteps and Jack turned to find Daniel on the steps, Rodney just behind him. From the other side, Carson appeared with Ronon and Lorne. Jack didn't know what to do in that moment. Daniel saw Jack begin to lose his fight for balance and he jumped off the steps and ran to him just as Jack's knees buckled beneath him. Ronon grabbed John and Rodney came around to help Daniel with Jack. Carson followed Ronon to the sofa where Ronon gently placed John, unbuttoning his dress jacket, trying to see if there were any injuries.   
  
"Jack?" Daniel whispered softly. Jack turned his head slightly to see Daniel next to him. Rodney was trying to remove Jack's dress jacket and Jack finally moved enough to let him do so. "Jack, are you hurt?" Jack slowly shook his head. He turned his gaze to the couch as Carson moved in closer to John. Daniel followed his gaze. "Is John hurt?"  
  
"I don't know," Jack replied softly. "I don't…" he shook his head slowly and Rodney moved over towards John, looking down into those empty hazel eyes.  
  
"John?" John didn't even move. Carson finished checking him out and shook his head.  
  
"No injuries, so the blood's not his." Rodney nodded slowly and brushed a hand across John's face.  
  
"John?" John's eyes finally began to refocus and he looked up at Rodney slowly. Rodney breathed a sigh of relief and leaned down to brush a soft kiss against John's forehead. John looked past him towards Jack who met his gaze.  
  
"Is it done?" he whispered softly. Jack nodded slowly as Daniel moved closer to him, holding on to him tightly.  
  
"Oh yeah," he answered quietly. "It's done." John nodded and closed his eyes as Rodney moved onto the couch and pulled John into his lap. Carson moved to check Jack as Ronon and Lorne stood watch. _Oh yeah_ , Jack thought to himself. _We are all done…_

*******************************  
  
"They want to go to Canada." John turned his head just a little to look over his shoulder. Jack O'Neill was standing behind him on the deck. John raised a brow slightly.  
  
"Who wants to go where?" John asked quietly. Jack walked over and sat down on the arm of the chair that John was currently using.  
  
"Daniel and Rodney want to go to Canada." John nodded slowly, but said nothing. "And Carson is sound asleep in bed with Lorne." Again, John nodded silently. Jack regarded him curiously. "These realizations don't bother you?" John sighed softly and leaned back in the chair, looking up at Jack as he did so.  
  
"Bother me in what way, Jack? Daniel and Rodney were talking about Canada before Cameron died. Carson was looking at Lorne after I came back from Atlantis." Jack frowned and looked away for a moment. John watched him the settled on hand on Jack's leg. "Why is this bothering you?"  
  
"Because this isn't what I thought was going to happen," he answered softly. "Cameron's only been gone six months." John nodded slowly. "I guess I wasn't ready to move on without him."  
  
"I know," John answered quietly. "Neither was I." Jack looked down at him and John shrugged his shoulders. "I knew it would happen, but I just wasn't ready. I saw everything that was going on, I just didn't react to it. Rodney has always wanted a life with Daniel and we both know Daniel has never loved anyone the way he loves Rodney. Lorne is good for Carson. He makes Carson smile in a way I've never seen him smile before." Jack slid off the arm of the chair and John scooted over making room on the chair for him to sit. Jack brushed the back of his hand along the side of John's face.  
  
"What about you, John? Where do you fit in all of this?" John shrugged his shoulders again and looked past Jack for a moment.  
  
"Honestly, I don't know. You're not ready to retire yet, and I just got my wings. Until you're ready to retire, then I guess my place is at the SGC and yours is in DC." He turned and looked back at Jack, leaning forward to kiss him gently. "If they want to go to Canada, then we let them go, Jack. They only want to go long enough to do the ceremony and then come back home. We will always be family, Jack, no matter what. We've said it often enough to know it's true." Jack nodded slowly.  
  
"What about when I retire?" John thought about that for a moment as Jack slid his fingers through the younger man's black strands.  
  
"When you retire, if I've made General, then I'll retire, too. I want at least one star, Jack. Don't ask me to give that up." Jack smiled at him, leaned in and kissed him gently.  
  
"I wouldn't ask you to give it up, John. I know how it feels." John grinned and leaned back, drawing Jack with him as he did so. "And I know how you feel, too," Jack whispered causing John to chuckle softly. At which point, Jack decided it was a good time to show John exactly how he felt.  
  
*************************  
  
Carson opened blue eyes and smiled softly at the sight before him. Nicholas Lorne was a sight to behold, in Carson's eyes. In sleep, he lost that look of arrogance that he wore so well and gained a look of innocence Carson had only seen on rare occasions. It was the combination of both looks that had started Carson's fall from grace as it were. Oh, Carson still loved his family, but Nicholas was something new, something…different and Carson was beginning to believe he'd fallen in love with the major that now occupied his bed. He heard movement out on the back deck and slid out of bed, peeking out the window to see John and Jack talking. Carson smiled softly. Everything would work out for the best, he knew. He turned back around to find grayish blue eyes watching him intently, filled with a heat and passion that made Carson shiver. Carson slid back into bed and Nicholas pulled him closer, sliding hands over the soft, warm skin as he did so.  
  
"What's out there?" he asked, kissing Carson softly.  
  
"Just John and Jack," Carson replied, returning the kiss and brushing his fingers across Nicholas' lips. "Nothin' too terribly important. They're okay for right now." Nicholas nodded slowly then pulled Carson closer.  
  
"Good, because I've got something to show you that's important," he said with a sly smile. Carson slid one hand beneath the sheets and Nicholas gasped, his eyes shutting momentarily.  
  
"I can tell," Carson said with a grin. Nicholas opened his eyes and gazed lovingly at Carson, wrapping his hand around the back of Carson's head, pulling him closer and kissing him almost harshly. Carson opened to that first touch of tongue against his lips and wrapped his hand around Nicholas tightly, tearing a moan from Lorne's throat as they continued kissing. If they had their way, it would be a very good morning…  
  
************************  
  
Daniel woke to an empty bed and frowned softly. He sat up and heard water running in the bathroom and leaned back with a soft sigh. Lying there for a few minutes, Daniel let his mind wander back to the night before when he and Rodney had made the decision about going ahead with their plans… plans that had been put on hold almost three years ago now. Plans that Daniel hadn't thought of since he'd returned to Jack; plans that hadn't made sense to think about because Rodney had been off working in another galaxy for a year; plans that now seemed like a good idea because Daniel had no intentions of losing Rodney again. Not that he didn't love Jack; he loved Jack more than he'd ever thought possible, but Daniel's heart had always belonged to Rodney even though he loved the rest of his family very much. Part of him knew that, if Cameron were still alive, he and Rodney would not have made this decision this soon. They would have let it go and would have continued on as they were. But Daniel had seen death take Cameron far too soon and he didn't want any more regrets in his life.  
  
Daniel knew John was aware of the circumstances. Rodney had spoken to John before he'd ever come to speak with Daniel about it. Daniel had not wanted John hurt in all of this. John had been hurt enough. Rodney knew John would understand and, according to Rodney, John had said he was happy for them and that he would always love them both, no matter what. That alone had made Daniel feel less anxious about it all. Daniel still had not found the courage to talk to Jack. Maybe he'd do that this morning before Rodney got dressed. Daniel slid out of bed and pulled on jeans and a t-shirt and walked downstairs to find Jack in the kitchen working on breakfast. One quick look around told Daniel that John was still on the back deck and that Jack had closed the door on his way inside. Daniel padded into the kitchen and Jack turned to face him.  
  
"Morning, Danny," Jack said softly as he pulled a pan down from the rack. Daniel gave him a soft smile leaned against the counter, watching him. "You sleep okay?" Daniel nodded slowly.  
  
"Jack…" he began quietly. Jack set the pan down and turned back to Daniel, brushing his fingers along the side of Daniel's face. Daniel stopped and looked up at him warily. Jack leaned in and kissed him gently.  
  
"I know, Danny, and it's okay. You and Rodney will still be here with us, you still love all of us as much as you ever have, but you have always wanted to belong to Rodney and that's okay. We all understand and we're all okay with it. I promise." Daniel looked up at him in shock and Jack kissed him again, smiling slightly. "John's a good listener," he explained before turning back to the food on the counter.  
  
"Yeah, he is," Daniel answered softly. He glanced past Jack to where John was sitting on the deck. "How is he today?" Jack sighed heavily.  
  
"Today should be an okay today. Not one of his better days, but not one of his worst, either." Jack turned and filled two cups with coffee and handed them to Daniel. "Why don't you take one of these to him and sit with him for awhile, hmm?" Daniel nodded, kissed Jack once more then walked out onto the deck. Jack watched him go and smiled to himself. Yep. Everything would be okay.  
  
Out on the deck, John looked up as Daniel walked out and handed him a hot cup of coffee. John smiled up at him, taking the cup and watching as Daniel sat down next to him. John took a sip from the cup then set it down and leaned back once more. Daniel watched him for a moment.  
  
"So, it's an okay day today?" he asked softly. John nodded and gave him a small smile. Daniel returned the smile and sipped from his own cup.  
  
"Did you and Rodney pick a date?" Daniel slowly shook his head.  
  
"We want it to be a family decision," Daniel answered. "Throw a few dates out and everyone agree on a date that works for us all." John nodded slowly and picked up his mug slowly.  
  
"Mind if I suggest a date?" Daniel slowly shook his head.  
  
"Not at all, John." John took a drink from the cup then turned hazel eyes towards Daniel slowly. For a moment, Daniel wasn't sure what John was going to say; his eyes gave away such raw emotion, but Daniel didn't want to interrupt him, so he remained quiet. John watched him for a moment then sighed softly.  
  
"July sixteenth," John finally said. Daniel frowned for a moment. "You don't remember the date, do you?" Daniel shook his head.  
  
"I'm sorry, I don't." John nodded with a smile.  
  
"It's okay. I doubt anyone else remembers it either, but I do." Daniel reached out and took John's hand in his.  
  
"Tell me."   
  
"The day we all met in Antarctica and Jack called us a family." Daniel squeezed John's hand briefly as memories came roaring back to him about that day. After a moment, Daniel leaned in and kissed John gently.  
  
"I think it would be perfect," he whispered against John's lips. John smiled and returned the kiss.  
  
"Thanks," he answered. Daniel leaned back with a smile and they sat there in comfortable silence, waiting for the others to wake and join them for the day.  
  
Inside the house, Jack watched the exchange and smiled, finishing his preparations for breakfast. Yep, he told himself again. Everything's going to be fine.  
  
***************************  
  
The day itself progressed rather quietly, for which the family was incredibly thankful. After breakfast, Lorne and Carson headed back to the mountain so that both could finish up reports and paperwork before beginning their 72-hour leave. Rodney, after some persuasion from Daniel and the okay from John and Jack, left with Daniel to go look at rings. John was still on administrative leave and had been since Cameron's death. He had two more weeks to go before Dr. McKenzie would clear him for active duty once more. Jack brought up the idea of a picnic in the park but John wanted to go to the cemetery. It was Jack who had to remind him that Cameron's body wasn't there.   
  
"I know that, Jack," John said quietly. "I just need to go." So, Jack packed a lunch and grabbed some blankets while John got dressed. He came downstairs wearing blue jeans, black t-shirt and hiking boots. Jack gave him a sweet smile, kissing him on the forehead. John returned the smile and followed Jack out to the truck. Jack, like John, was dressed in jeans and hiking boots but had on a dark blue shirt instead of a black one. Neither of them brought along jackets. It was too nice of a day for them.  
  
By late afternoon, Daniel and Rodney had returned home, their rings picked out and sent off to be engraved, Carson had called and told them that he would be running just a wee bit late and that Lorne was already on his way along with Ronon. Ronon had been a good addition to the family and it made Jack a little less wary about returning to Washington. He didn't like the idea of leaving John alone. He knew Ronon would take care of him. John was in the kitchen, with Daniel, fixing dinner. Jack and Rodney were sitting in the living room, each with a beer in hand, watching hockey on the television. John peeked out at them and shook his head. Daniel gave him a curious look.  
  
"Hockey," John whispered. Daniel chuckled softly and went back to cutting up the vegetables for the salad. John turned back to his spaghetti sauce, a homemade recipe his grandmother had taught him once upon a time. Daniel watched him for a moment, finished his salad then turned and moved behind John, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him on the back of the neck. John looked at Daniel over his shoulder.  
  
"What was that for?" John asked softly. Daniel smiled and kissed him again.  
  
"Just because I can," Daniel answered. John smiled and shook his head. Daniel remained where he was, enjoying John's warmth pressed against his chest. John didn't seem to mind and Daniel realized it really was an okay day for John.  
  
Out in the living room, a Canadian team made a score and Rodney whooped excitedly while Jack smacked his hand on the arm of the chair. Rodney turned and grinned at his lover.  
  
"Spoil sport," he said with a grin. Jack narrowed his gaze at Rodney for a moment, but there was laughter in his brown eyes and Rodney gave him another quick grin before they both turned their attention back to the game. A few moments later, John and Daniel walked out of the kitchen, John with a beer and Daniel with a glass of wine. John perched on the arm of Rodney's chair and Daniel mirrored the action on Jack's chair. Rodney glanced up at John with a wicked grin on his face.  
  
"What's with the sitting on the arm of the chair, flyboy?" John looked down at him but Rodney was quick, sliding one arm around him and pulling John into his lap. John laughed and the three men all looked at him in surprise. It was the first time in six months that John had actually laughed. Rodney kissed him on the temple then shot a glance at Jack and Daniel, both of who were smiling at the couple. Jack pulled Daniel down to his lap and the four men continued watching the hockey game.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, car doors were closing and Lorne walked in with Ronon right behind him.  
  
"Lorne! Ronon!" John said, sliding out of Rodney's lap, a grin on his face. Ronon watched him and the smile seemed to warm his heart. He pulled John into a hug, swinging him halfway around before setting him down again.  
  
"Good to see you too, John," Ronon said with a grin. John turned to Lorne who shook his head, smiling all the while.  
  
"I don't need a hug, Sir," he said, chuckling softly. "But a beer would be nice." John smiled back at him.  
  
"Beer we can do. In the kitchen, boys." Lorne and Ronon waved at the other three men then followed John into the kitchen. Rodney turned to Jack and Daniel.  
  
"What just happened?" Jack shook his head and Daniel just shrugged. "So… we're okay with what just happened? I mean, no explanations and we're just okay?"   
  
"Sure," Daniel said drinking from this wine glass. "He laughed, he hugged Ronon and smiled at Lorne. I'm happy with that." Jack nodded in agreement.  
  
"Me too," he answered softly. Rodney smiled at them both.  
  
"Ah. Okay. Just, you know, checking that's all." He turned his attention back to the game as John returned with Lorne and Ronon and once again plopped down into Rodney's lap. Ronon smiled and Jack was relieved to see that there were no signs of jealousy in those brown eyes. Ronon was at peace so long as John was happy. Ronon sat on the floor next to Rodney's chair and, after a couple of minutes, John slid one hand down to slide through Ronon's hair. Rodney smiled at the display. Lorne moved to the arm of Jack's chair and sat down with him and Daniel.   
  
"So, how much longer was Carson going to be?" Daniel asked as the game continued.  
  
"He said another half hour at the most," Lorne asked, taking a drink from the beer bottle. "Whatever you and John are cooking sure smells great. Hope I can wait that long to eat."  
  
"You'll have to," Rodney answered. "Family dinner means we wait for EVERYONE to show up." John grinned.  
  
"I like the sound of that," he said softly. Rodney nuzzled him gently and John sighed in contentment.  
  
"Me too," Ronon said from his seat on the floor. The game continued, going into overtime, and an hour had passed. John got up and went into the kitchen to check on the sauce while Daniel got everyone a fresh drink. Lorne walked out onto the back deck and dialed Carson from his cell phone. He put the cell phone to his ear and listened to it ring until the voice mail took over. Lorne sighed heavily and waited for the voice mail to finish before talking.  
  
"Carson, it's Nick. Just wondering when you're coming home. Call me back, but not if you're driving, okay? See you soon." He flipped the phone closed and took a deep breath. Jack stepped out onto the patio next to him.   
  
"Didn't answer?" Lorne shook his head.  
  
"Probably stuck in traffic. He knows I don't like him on the phone when he's driving." Jack nodded slowly. "He gets so caught up in his work sometimes and he just loses track of time. I keep telling him he needs to set the alarm on his watch, you know?" Again, Jack nodded, but he could tell Lorne was getting nervous. He reached out and put a hand on Lorne's shoulder.  
  
"Tell you what. Let's you and me take the truck and just do a quick drive and see if we pass him. What do you say?" Lorne looked over at him and Jack saw the relief in his eyes.  
  
"Okay." Jack smiled and they walked through the house.   
  
"Daniel!" Daniel stuck his head out of the kitchen. "Nick and I are going to take a quick drive. We'll be back shortly. If Carson gets here before we do, have him call us on Nick's cell phone."  
  
"Okay, Jack," Daniel answered quietly. Jack gave him a quick smile then followed Lorne out the front door. Lorne and Jack had just made it to the truck, when a car pulled up and Carson stepped out. The driver, Jack noticed, was an Airman. Jack smiled as Lorne heaved a sigh of relief and waited for Carson to come to them. The car pulled away and Lorne raised a brow at his lover, waiting patiently. Carson looked up at him and smiled sheepishly.  
  
"Would ya believe I lost track of time?" he asked softly. Lorne shook his head and hugged him quickly before shooing him into the house. Jack laughed and followed right behind them.  
  
"I'm buying you an alarm clock, Carson," Lorne threatened good-naturedly as Carson pulled off his white lab coat and hung it up by the door.  
  
"Carson's home!" Jack called out as Daniel came out of the kitchen carrying a large bowl of salad in his hands.  
  
"Oh! Good. Rodney, grab the wine, would you?" Rodney stood and walked into the kitchen grabbing two bottles of wine and returning to set them on the table. John came out with a bowl of pasta and Ronon followed with the bowl of sauce. John walked back to get the fresh bread and then all sat down at the large dining room table. It had happened that, once John, Rodney and Carson had returned from Atlantis, Jack sat at one end of the table and John at the other. On the left side of the table, Ronon sat next to John, Rodney next to Ronon and Daniel between Rodney and Jack. On the opposite side, Carson sat next to John and Lorne next to Jack, with a chair between them to remind them of Cameron. Ronon recited a brief Athosian prayer they had learned on Atlantis, giving thanks for the food and the company and then dinner began.  
  
*****************************  
  
An hour later, the food had been consumed, two bottles of wine emptied, and candles had now been lit in the living room where everyone sat comfortably together. Jack had found a soft jazz cd and it was playing in the background. They had all seated themselves on the floor and someone had opened a third bottle of wine and was passing it around. Finally the room grew quiet and Daniel figured it was time. He cleared his throat as Rodney his glass against Daniel's.  
  
"Uhm, okay, so there's a reason why we wanted this to be a family dinner and since Nicholas and Ronon have become a part of our family, it was only right that they be here with us as well." Jack chuckled softly.  
  
"You know, I could've sworn I told you that you weren't bringing anyone else home after you brought Cameron." Daniel grinned over at him.  
  
"I didn't bring them home, love. John did." Jack turned to look at John who was happily snuggled between Jack and Ronon.  
  
"You never told me I couldn't bring anyone home, Jack," he said innocently. Jack grinned and turned back to Daniel, waving him on to continue.  
  
"Anyway," Daniel continued. "Rodney and I have decided that we want to have a commitment ceremony and we want all of you to be a part of this and so we have decided the best way to start this is by all of us picking a date." At this point, Daniel looked over at John and smiled lovingly at him. "John suggested July sixteenth since that was the first day that Jack called us a family." He glanced at Lorne and Ronon. "I realize that the two of you had not yet come to us…"  
  
"That doesn't matter so much though, Danny," Lorne said quietly, his arms around Carson. "Rodney and Carson and John and Jack were your family long before Ronon and I showed up. You and Rodney were a couple before any of us came along. We - well me anyways - I'm just happy to be a part of this now. I think John had the right idea." The others in the room nodded in agreement. Daniel turned and glanced over his shoulder at Rodney.  
  
"July sixteenth?" Rodney gave him a half-hearted sigh.  
  
"I'll have to see if I'm busy that day, but yeah, I think I can squeeze it in somewhere." Daniel smacked his leg and Rodney laughed, kissing him softly. "Yes, love. July sixteenth it is." John sat up a little and retrieved his glass from where it had been sitting by his leg.  
  
"To Rodney and Daniel," he began, everyone's attention turned towards him. "May you always have enough love to keep your warm, enough arguments to know the true meaning of peace, enough pain to make you appreciate the joy and enough hello's to make it through your good-byes. May you always have enough time to truly live and love as you should and to know what it means to be loved in return."  
  
"Hear, hear," came the replies as everyone drank to the couple, all of them astounded at the words John had spoken. It had taken six months for such words to be able to come from the still emotionally wounded Air Force Colonel. Jack leaned over, kissing John on the temple softly.  
  
"Very nice, love." John smiled softly and leaned back once more, feeling the warmth of Jack and Ronon on either side of him. Very nice indeed…

 

***************************  
 _Four months later_  
  
"Where did you say we were staying?" Daniel asked, packing the last of their luggage and zipping up the hanging bag. Rodney came out of the bathroom with a small case in his hands and dropped it into his suitcase.  
  
"The Fairmont Chateau," he answered turning to face his soon to be spouse. "Plane leaves tomorrow morning and arrives mid-afternoon. We'll take the shuttle to the hotel and, well, you know." Daniel caught the wicked gleam in Rodney eyes and chuckled softly.  
  
"I can't believe it's already time to do this," Daniel whispered softly as he slid his arms around Rodney and pulled him in closely. Rodney leaned down and kissed Daniel softly, sliding his fingers through Daniel's soft hair.  
  
"I can't believe the wait is over," he said in reply. "We're really doing this." Daniel smiled up at him.  
  
"Yes. We really are." They kissed again and then there were sounds of doors slamming outside the house and then inside as well. Daniel frowned slightly and stepped back. "That didn't sound good." Rodney shook his head and they both turned, walking out of the bedroom in time to hear the yelling from downstairs.  
  
"You said retirement! Retirement doesn't mean leaving one job for another, Jack! It means exactly what it says. Retirement!" Rodney raised a brow slightly and Daniel shook his head. They walked quietly down the stairs to find John standing by the front door, in full dress blues, and Jack standing in the middle of the room in his BDU's. John had been doing the yelling. Jack didn't look happy.  
  
"I told you, John," Jack said, trying to sound calmer than he looked. "I gave them the letter, they agreed to the retirement, but with the understanding that my file would remain active in case anything - or anyone - popped up on radar and they needed my help. I couldn't very well tell them no, John! I know too many things about too many people for them to just let me go without a fight."  
  
"You're not putting up a fight, Jack!" John yelled back at him. Rodney and Daniel both stopped on the bottom step, standing, watching, but not commenting yet. "You're letting them dictate the terms of your retirement to you!" Jack unbuttoned his BDU jacket and sighed heavily. He didn't want to get into a yelling match with his younger lover, but it was heading that way very quickly. He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and turned slightly, noting the presence of both Daniel and Rodney before turning back to John.  
  
"Can we please not do this right now, John?" John watched him for a moment, the anger still present and growing by the minute.  
  
"Fine. Sure. Whatever you say, GENERAL. I have to go back to the mountain anyway. I doubt I'll be home until much later." John turned and slammed out of the house with such force that several pictures on the wall shook and almost fell from their places. Jack sighed heavily and brushed a hand through his hair as Rodney and Daniel came further into the room.  
  
"Jack," Daniel said cautiously. "What was all that about?" Jack looked over at Daniel and shrugged his shoulders slightly.  
  
"I can retire, Daniel, but I can't fully retire until John does. Landry's known all along about us, about all of us, but he can't say anything to you and Rodney or to Carson because the three of you are civilians. Hell, that even clears Lorne for the most part because Carson's civilian, not military. It even clears Ronon and, to some extent, it would clear John, except that they know about John and me. And the payment for their silence is my staying active until John retires."  
  
"So… why didn't you just tell him that?" Rodney asked quietly. Jack shook his head.  
  
"Because then John would retire just to spite them and he'd never see General. I won't do that to him. I promised him I wouldn't ask him to give up that star." He sighed again then gave them both a small smile. "You both packed?"  
  
"Yep. Packed and ready to go. What about you?"   
  
"Actually, I think I'll take care of that now since John won't be back until late tonight. He'll be too tired to pack by then. Tired and angry. I'm afraid it's not going to be a very restful night for either one of us." Jack shrugged and walked past Rodney and Daniel towards his and John's room, closing the door behind him. Daniel glanced over at Rodney.  
  
"Go talk to John, Rodney. I'll stay here and see if I can't calm Jack down some between now and when you get back." Rodney nodded slowly, leaned down and kissed Daniel softly.  
  
"I love you, Danny," he whispered against Daniel's lips. Daniel smiled up at him.  
  
"Love you too."  
  
*******************  
  
(Cheyenne)  
  
John sat down heavily behind his desk and dropped his head into his hands. Why couldn't Jack understand? All John had asked for was that Jack retire before Daniel and Rodney's ceremony so that, upon their return, John could put in for early retirement himself. They'd offered it to him when he'd returned to active duty four months ago, but John had told them he wanted to see if he could still handle the duties of gate travel. So far, John had done just fine. But his team was being re-arranged. Rodney and Daniel would no longer be on front line teams so John was stuck with a new scientist on his team. Lorne was leading his own team now so John's team now consisted of himself, Teyla, Ronon and the newest scientist of the group, a man named Phillip. Apparently, Daniel had been his advisor once upon a time. John had accepted Phillip as Rodney's replacement only because Daniel had spoken highly of him. John was no longer sure he wanted to go through the gate without Daniel and/or Rodney. None of it seemed right anymore.  
  
"You're being an ass, Colonel." John looked up slowly to find Rodney leaning in his doorway.  
  
"Shouldn't you be at home, packing, Rodney?" he asked as he leaned back in his chair. Rodney nodded, moving further into the office, closing the door behind him.  
  
"Yeah, see, I was doing that until these two complete idiots came into my house and started yelling at each other with no regard for anyone's feelings. And then one of them got pissy and stormed out of the house without even being reasonable and the other stayed behind and decided to start his own packing. At which point my lover explained to me that I needed to leave my house, drive through a whole mess of traffic and track down my other lover who's being a complete ass and try to get him to come back home so we can all talk things over." John stayed sitting in his chair, watching Rodney the entire time. He never tired of Rodney's diatribes; never tired of the sarcasm or snark that was this man he loved. The hints of a grin played at the corners of John's mouth.  
  
"And I suppose your lover is some sort of genius to have known so much and sent you out here to track down this complete ass of a person," John said knowingly. Rodney grinned and sauntered over towards John, sitting on the edge of the desk.  
  
"Complete genius," Rodney whispered, leaning closer to John. "Genius, know it all, stubborn, you name it." John looked up at him an arrogant smile in full force on his face.  
  
"And what about this complete ass that you were sent to find?" Rodney leaned in even closer and John could feel the heat of Rodney's breath against his face.  
  
"He's a genius, too, when he wants to be. He's also stubborn but he's got good taste." John laughed then and leaned back, shaking his head. Rodney watched him and his gaze became more thoughtful. "What's the real issue here, John? It's not Jack's retirement, is it?" John sighed heavily and slowly shook his head.  
  
"My plan was to surprise Jack when we returned and let him know that I had put in my paperwork for early retirement in six months. I'll have eighteen years in at that point and General Landry has offered me an early retirement in which I won't lose any of my pensions. It will be just as if I'd served my twenty years, but I could get out now, while I'm still alive and still have a chance to live my life." Rodney nodded slowly.  
  
"John, you're only thirty-seven. You'll be thirty-eight in three months. Jack is already forty-eight years old, still not that old I remind you, but you have your whole lives left to live. You acting like if you don't retire now, this year, you'll lose him." John looked away slowly.  
  
"Won't I?" he asked softly. Rodney went down on his knees in front of John and slid two fingers along side his face, causing John to look at him.  
  
"What do you mean, John? You're not going to lose Jack."  
  
"We weren't supposed to lose Cameron either," John whispered brokenly. "Cameron was only thirty-five, Rodney. Thirty-five. He had at least seven more years, he couldn't have made full colonel, maybe even general, but he's dead now. I could walk through that gate in a week and not come home except in a body bag and where would that leave Jack? Jack…" John squeezed his eyes shut and Rodney sighed, pulling him into a tight hug.  
  
"Come home, John, and lets get this straightened out, all right? You're leave has been posted. You're not even supposed to be here today." John nodded and pulled back from Rodney.  
  
"Yeah. I know. Lemme let Ronon know that I'm leaving, okay?" Rodney nodded and gave him a soft smile.  
  
"I'll see you at home." He placed a chaste kiss on John's forehead then walked out of the office. John watched him leave, then stood up and walked out in search of Ronon.  
  
*******************************  
  
Daniel was sitting on the front porch railing when John pulled up in the driveway and hour later. Rodney was taking a nap and Jack was up in his and John's room, packing. Daniel watched John step out of the car and unbutton his dress jacket, slinging it over his shoulder as he approached Daniel and the front door. Daniel reached out and grabbed his wrist, causing John to stop and look down at him.  
  
"He didn't meant to upset you, John," Daniel said softly. John nodded, leaning down and kissing Daniel on the forehead gently, brushing a lock of hair out of Daniel's face.  
  
"I know, Danny. I didn't mean to upset him either. We'll be okay, though. I've fought too hard for too long to lose someone so wonderful. We'll fix it and then tomorrow we'll be on our way to Canada." Daniel nodded as John kissed him once more then walked into the house. He hung his jacket up on the back of the chair and headed upstairs for his and Jack's room. The door was closed and John stopped and knocked gently.  
  
"Yeah," Jack called from inside the room. John opened the door and stepped inside. He didn't see Jack immediately, so he closed the door behind him and stood, waiting, until Jack walked out of the closet with several items of clothes in his hands. Jack stopped when he saw John standing at the door. "I thought you weren't coming home until later," he said quietly.  
  
"I thought you could use some help with the packing," John answered, swallowing past the lump in his throat. Jack set the clothes down and walked over to John slowly, stopping just in front of him. John looked up at him, hugging his arms around himself, not sure what to expect. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Jack. I'm sorry for everything I said that was hurtful…" Jack didn't give him a chance to continue. Instead, he leaned down and kissed John, pushing him back against the door as he did so. John's arms moved to encircle Jack, pulling him closer. After a few moments, Jack pulled back and looked down into John's hazel-green eyes.  
  
"I love you, John. We'll make this work. And I promise you, I'll fight for this retirement." John leaned up and kissed Jack softly.  
  
"We'll worry about fighting with the superiors after we get home, Jack. Right now, let's just finish packing and get ready to watch Rodney and Daniel do what they do best." Jack smiled.  
  
"I think we can do that."  
  
*****************************  
  
(Two days later - Canada)  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen," the minister said with a smile. "Rodney and Daniel would like to recite their own personal vows to each other at this time." The minister turned to Daniel first. "Daniel." Daniel smiled then looked back at Rodney. They were both dressed in dark suits, white shirts and matching ties. Rodney's eyes, like Daniels, were as blue as the lake behind them. The sun was just beginning to set and Daniel knew he was right where he'd always planned to be from the first day he'd ever met Rodney McKay. Daniel reached out and took Rodney's hand in his own.  
  
"I, Daniel, take you, Rodney, to be my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, I will trust you, honor and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live." Daniel released Rodney's hand as Rodney turned it over and took Daniel's hand in his.  
  
" I, Rodney, take you, Daniel, to be my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, I will trust you, honor and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live." The minister smiled at them both and turned to either side, addressed Jack and John.  
  
"Rings?" John pulled out a simple gold band, handing it to Rodney. On the opposite side, Jack did the same for Daniel. The two men each took their rings and exchanged them between one another. Ronon stepped forward, along with Teyla, and they each placed their hands over the joined hands of Daniel and Rodney, reciting an Athosian prayer. Once they were done, the minister turned his attention to the people gathered together.  
  
"We have witnessed today the joining of your two lives in this solemn commitment ceremony. In so much as you have exchanged vows, and given and received your commitment to one another, and have made promises before these witnesses, it gives me great pleasure to introduce you as Dr. Rodney McKay-Jackson and Dr. Daniel Jackson-McKay." The gathered crowd clapped as Rodney leaned forward and kissed Daniel gently. Daniel returned the kiss and took Rodney's hand as they walked down and passed through the small crowd of people and into the tented area where the reception had been set up. John watched them walk away and for a brief moment, felt as if a small part of his heart had walked away as well. Jack watched him for a moment then stepped closer to him and drew him into his arms.  
  
"Soon," he whispered softly. John smiled and let Jack lead him into the reception area.  
  
Inside the tent, a small group had gathered to wish Rodney and Daniel well. John hadn't realized that Daniel and Rodney had invited these people. Not that John minded, of course, he just didn't know. Across the table from him sat Ronon and Teyla. Teyla's hair had grown out considerably and she had actually arrived with Teal'c who was over with Rodney and Daniel, congratulating them both. After several more months of searching, Dr. Weir had finally been located in a small town just east of Colorado Springs. She had no memory of leaving Atlantis or what she'd been doing since. She was now back at the SGC and had also come to the wedding of two people she had always admired. With her was her former fiancée, Simon, who would also be joining the SGC in the months ahead. Lorne and Carson sat with Bates, Stackhouse and Kavanaugh and John was actually glad to see all three of them once more. Teyla was saying something about children and John turned his attention back to them as Jack stood and walked over to the opening of the tent where he found Sam Carter and Paul Davis entering. He smiled at Sam, hugged her tightly, and wasn't sure whether or not to be happy or jealous at seeing Paul. He decided to be nice and shook hands with Paul who smiled up at him and wrapped an arm around Sam. Jack grinned. Jealousy definitely was out of the picture then.  
  
Retired General Hammond was also there, along with Lou Feretti and his wife. Jack was amazed at the turn out for this wedding. He was grateful to have the support of all their friends and family. He turned to look over at Daniel and Rodney who were being hugged at the moment by Feretti and Hammond. Rodney looked somewhat surprised but Daniel looked happier than Jack could ever have remembered. Jack turned back and found John listening to Teyla as Teal'c wandered back to the table, sitting next to his soon to be wife. There was a match Jack hadn't imagined. But Teal'c seemed happy and the young Athosian warrior seemed happy as well. Jack looked over at John, watching him, memorizing that smile and the memories of today. After a moment, John turned and looked over at him, directing those eyes and that smile right at him. Jack returned the smile and walked over, sitting next to him once more.  
  
Eventually, they'd have to return home, but for today, for right now, this was home and everyone they loved and needed in their lives was right there. Jack's mind wandered briefly to Cameron and he hoped Cameron was watching and, when the time came, waiting for them as well.  
  
*********************************  
  
 _Cameron moved through the tent, unseen by the people there, watching the men he loved interact with their family and friends. There was so much to learn, so much to see and know, but he'd needed this today. He'd needed to see this ceremony, wanted to make sure his family was going to be okay before he left them for good. Oh, he'd see them all again soon, he knew. Oma had told him it was just a matter of time. Cameron moved through the area and up towards where Daniel and Rodney were sitting. He stood over each of them, laying a hand on both of their heads and closing his eyes.  
  
"I love you," he whispered softly… "I'll see you soon."  
_  
Daniel looked up then over at Rodney who also had a curious look on his face. Rodney brushed a hand across his hair then turned his gaze towards Daniel.  
  
"Did you feel that?" Daniel nodded slowly. "Did you hear that?" Again, Daniel nodded and Rodney smiled softly. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, holding Daniel's hand in his own tightly. "Love you too, Cameron." Daniel smiled then bowed his own head as well.

  
"Thank you, Cameron," he whispered softly. "Love you." They both felt the soft breeze around them and then it was gone. Rodney and Daniel looked at each other and smiled. Life was waiting for them, for them and their family. Everything would work out just fine for them all…

 

 

 _Epilogue - 15 years later…  
_  
"General Sheppard!" Major General John Sheppard turned around and waited for the airman to catch up with him. John had changed in the last fifteen years. His hair was somewhat grayer than before, almost silver now, and instead of eagles on his shoulders, he now bore two gold stars. He also bore the weight of the world on those shoulders, having been commander of the SGC for over five years. John was now 53 years old and was past ready for retirement.  
  
"Yes, Airman," John answered, raising a brow slightly. "What can I do for you?" The airman came to attention but didn't salute. They had all learned early on that General Sheppard didn't much care for being saluted.  
  
"You have visitors in your office, Sir." John frowned slightly. Visitors? He wasn't expecting anyone, was he?  
  
"Was I expecting anyone today, Airman?" The airman gave him a blank look and John simply shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Very well, Airman. Thank you. I'll head back that way right now."  
  
"Yes, Sir." The airman gave John a nod then turned and walked off. John sighed heavily and began the walk back to his office. He let his thoughts wander for the moment, knowing that today would have been Jack's sixty-third birthday and it would have been his and John's fourteenth anniversary. John smiled sadly. At least he and Jack had had thirteen years together before Jack's death, or ascension, rather. Rodney and Daniel had been married fourteen years before Rodney had succumbed to a heart attack a year before Jack's death. They'd all seen Rodney pushing himself far too hard, but Rodney had never been one to slow down. Rodney had died in Daniel's arms before Jack or John had even made it to the cabin. There had been no burial. Rodney, like Cameron, had ascended. It wasn't their first lost; Cameron had gone first and then Lorne had been shot down during the final battle against the Orii. Carson had grieved for almost a year before finding himself in the arms of Ronon who took care of him until Carson's own death four years later. Carson had been in Scotland when he'd died and Ronon had remained there ever since. Rodney and Jack had died almost a year apart leaving John and Daniel on their own. Daniel had retired from the SGC and was teaching at the Academy full time. He and John knew that the time was coming when they would be ready to join their family.  
  
John reached his office door and opened it, stopping short as he let a surprised smile move across his face.   
  
"Teyla," he whispered softly as the Athosian came to him, embracing him gently. John returned the embrace then turned to bow towards Teal'c. "Teal'c," he said with a smile. He turned to look at the two teenagers with them.  
  
"General Sheppard," Teyla began, "these are our sons Ro'ack and Da'on." John gave her an inquisitive look and Teyla smiled. "We combined the names of you, Drs McKay and Jackson and General O'Neill." John grinned and held out his hand to the two boys. They shook his head and bowed towards him as well.  
  
"It's a pleasure to meet you both." He straightened up slowly, closing the door behind him. "Daniel's teaching at the Academy but he should be by in a little while during his break." He turned to Teal'c slowly. "I'm sorry we didn't let you know sooner about Jack. We didn't know where you were."  
  
"Do not worry about me, Sheppard," Teal'c said, laying a hand on John's shoulder. "Jack is with his family and he waits for you and Daniel to one day join them. That you are here and well gives me much joy in my heart."  
  
"Thank you, Teal'c." John turned to Teyla. "How long will you be staying?"  
  
"Not long, John," she answered softly. "We are on our way to Chulak for the final days of Master Bra'tacs life. He has requested we be with him." John nodded slowly.  
  
"Send him our regards, will you?" Teyla bowed her head slightly.  
  
"We will." John leaned on the edge of his desk, watching his two friends closely for a moment. He was just about to speak when there was a knock at his door.  
  
"Come in," he called.   
  
"John, I was wondering if…" The door opened and Daniel entered, already speaking before he looked up and saw the guests that were with John. For a moment, all Daniel could do was stand there in silence. Teal'c moved towards him and put both hands on Daniel's shoulders, bowing slightly.  
  
"It is good to see you once again, DanielJackson." Daniel let out a choked sigh as he grasped Teal'c arms as well. Teal'c pulled him in and hugged him tightly.  
  
"It's good to see you too, Teal'c," Daniel answered softly. He stepped back and smiled at Teyla, then hugged her as well. "Teyla. Beautiful as always."  
  
"Thank you, Dr. Jackson," she replied with a smile. She gestured to the two young men. "These are our sons, Ro'ack and Da'on." Daniel looked at the boys then up at Teal'c, smiling softly.  
  
"You named them after us," he whispered. Teal'c merely bowed his head. Daniel turned to John who was smiling over at him. "Uhm… I did actually have a reason for coming up here," he said with a smile.  
  
"Oh?" Daniel nodded.  
  
"I just got a call from Paul Davis." John slid off the desk, his gaze becoming serious.   
  
"Is something wrong with General Carter?" Daniel shook his head and reached out a hand to reassure John.  
  
"No no, nothing's wrong, John. He just wanted us to know that he and Sam have their first grandchild." John raised a brow slightly. "Yeah, their adopted daughter, Chelsea, gave birth early this morning to a boy." John smiled and relaxed somewhat.  
  
"Good news indeed," John replied softly. "How are the other kids?" Daniel smiled then looked over at Teyla and Teal'c.  
  
"General Carter and her husband, Colonel Davis, adopted Chelsea when she was ten. Afterwards, they had three of their own children, all boys: George, Jonathan, and Jacob." Teal'c and Teyla both smiled.  
  
"That is good to hear, DanielJackson." Daniel smiled back at them.  
  
"Yes it is. So… how long are you here for anyway?" Teyla looked up at Teal'c then back at Daniel.  
  
"Actually, we must be on our way. Master Bra'tac is approaching his final days and has requested we be there with him." Daniel nodded slowly.  
  
"Tell him I will offer the prayers for him here as well," Daniel answered. Teal'c nodded.  
  
"He will be most grateful for that, DanielJAckson, as will I." Daniel nodded and John glanced at Teyla and Teal'c.  
  
"Why don't we walk down to the Gate room with you…"  
  
**************************  
  
John was sitting in the den at the house by the time Daniel got home that night. Daniel walked into the den, shedding his suit jacket as he did so. John leaned back in the chair and looked up at him. Like John, Daniel's hair had started turning gray over the years, but it wasn't quite as silver as John's. It had grown out a little since Daniel's retirement from the SGC and John remembered how jealous Rodney was over Daniel's hair. John smiled sadly.  
  
"Good memory?" Daniel asked softly, sitting on the edge of the desk closest to John. John nodded.  
  
"Just remembering how jealous Rodney was of your hair when you started growing it out again," he answered. Daniel laughed softly.  
  
"He was, wasn't he?" Daniel looked down at the ring on his left hand, the simple gold band that he'd worn for fifteen years. John reached out, his left hand covering Daniels, his own ring, a silver band, shimmering under the light. "Gods I miss him so much," Daniel whispered.  
  
"I know, babe," John said softly, stroking his thumb along Daniel's hand. "I miss him too. I miss Jack.. hell, I miss them all." Daniel looked up at him slowly. "It's time, Daniel. I don't think I can do this anymore." Daniel nodded slowly.  
  
"Have you found a replacement yet?" John nodded slowly.  
  
"Yeah. She's already been approved. They're just waiting for my papers to go through." Daniel nodded, turning his hand over and sliding his fingers between John's.  
  
"How long?" John sighed softly.  
  
"Two more days." Daniel nodded and leaned in, kissing John softly.  
  
"We can wait two more days, John." John nodded, returning the kiss that slowly began to deepen into something more. They had not allowed themselves this luxury while they had been married to Jack and Rodney. It had been an unspoken agreement all around. None of them wanted to cause problems for the others and it had all worked out just fine. They had all remained in the same house all these years and everyone had been fine. With Rodney's death, John had approached Jack and had given him his blessing to do whatever he thought he needed to do in order to help Daniel. With Jack's death, Daniel had come to John and had helped him deal as well. It had been the two of them for a year now and, while they both loved each other, they each missed their husband's. Daniel knew John was right. It was time.  
  
John stood, his mouth still locked against Daniel's, pulling Daniel away from the desk and towards him. Needing air, Daniel broke their kiss and glanced up at John, the question in his blue eyes. John nodded and Daniel kissed him once more. One more time, one last time… He followed John out of the study and up the stairs to the master bedroom. John was already unbuttoning his shirt and tossing it to one side as Daniel came towards him, pulling his own shirt off as well. Even at 53 years old, John still considered himself to be in very good shape. Daniel wasn't far behind him, the youngest of the family, at 49 years old. There were days when John had to wonder if Daniel fully understood everything he'd be giving up once they made their decision. Daniel slid his hands up along John's chest and John sucked in a deep breath as he did so. He wrapped his arms around Daniel and pulled him down with him onto the bed. Daniel ended up straddling John's lap, his mouth descending onto John's, his hands already at John's belt. Days like this, John let Daniel have whatever he wanted. He liked Daniel like this, demanding, arrogant, knowing exactly what he wanted and how. This wasn't the way Daniel usually acted. John was the more dominant of the two, but now and then, Daniel could show a stronger side; and John took great enjoyment in seeing that side brought out.  
  
John's belt comes undone and his pants and underwear are pushed down and out of the way. John watches as Daniel goes to his knees and slowly undoes and removes his own pants and underwear. John could swear he got harder just watching Daniel do that. Daniel gives him a grin that looks smug and wicked at the same time just before sliding his body back up against John's. John groans and slides his hands down to Daniel's waist, holding him there, leaning up to kiss him harshly. Daniel adjusts his position, sliding his now slick hand along John's shaft, feeling John's hardness beneath his hand. John groans into his mouth and Daniel rises up just enough to press John against his opening. John's eyes shoot open just as Daniel slides himself downwards, pressing John into him slowly but tightly.  
  
"Ah… Daniel…" John whispered harshly, as Daniel began moving up and down over him. Daniel smiled at him and moved again, causing more noises to come from John's throat. John slid one hand to Daniel's waist and the other encircled Daniel's cock, stroking it in time with Daniel's movements. Now it was Daniel's turn to moan, throwing his head back, taking John further into his body as he did so.  
  
In John's mind, the angles are all wrong, so he thrusted upwards, causing Daniel to cry out as he did so. John thrust again, and Daniel moaned, his hands clenching John's sides. John knew at that point that he'd hit Daniel's prostrate. It wasn't going to take much more. The movements of his hand continued to match the movements of their bodies and John watched as Daniel convulsed, feeling his seed against his hand and the tightening of Daniel's body around his cock. Just watching Daniel caused John to go over the edge and he came, Daniel's name on his lips as he did so.  
  
A little while later, when they both had learned how to breath again, Daniel slid off of John easily then lay down next to him, closing his eyes. John turned his head to the side, kissing Daniel on the forehead.  
  
"Love you, Danny," he whispered softly.  
  
"Love you too, John," came the almost silent reply.  
  
*********************************************  
  
(Two days later)   
  
"General Sheppard." John sighed heavily, having just reached the elevator. He turned around to find his successor standing there before him.  
  
"Yes, General Cahill. What can I do for you?" Cahill thought for a moment then handed him a small box. John took the box but there was a frown on his face as he did so.  
  
"There was a note that came down this morning, Sir, from General Hammond. He said that I'd find this in the safe in your office, under the desk, Sir. He said I was to make sure you took it with you when you left today." John looked down at the box again then back up at Cahill and nodded.  
  
"Thanks, Cahill. Good luck running this place." Cahill smiled.  
  
"Thank you, Sir. Good luck with your retirement." Cahill snapped off a quick salute and John returned it. Cahill nodded and walked away as the elevator finally opened, allowing John admittance. As the doors closed, John opened the box to find a small handheld device and a note from General Hammond. John opened the note, reading it quietly to himself.  
  
 _'Dear John, when you get home today, there will be a van awaiting your arrival. I trust Dr. Jackson will already be home when you arrive. If not, please allow the people there to bring inside the house the crate they have for you. When Landry and I were scouting out Area 51, we made a discovery and knew it would be best to send it on to you and Dr. Jackson, just in case. Take care of yourself, General Sheppard and good luck in your retirement. Sincerely, George Hammond."  
_  
*************************  
  
"Daniel!" John yelled as he stepped out of the car driven by a young airman. The airman left the driveway and Daniel came around from the back of the house to see the van sitting in front of the house.  
  
"Who is that?" Daniel asked curiously. John handed Daniel the box as one of the men in uniform approached him.  
  
"General Sheppard, Sir," the man said with a salute. John shook his head.  
  
"Drop the salute, soldier. I'm retired now." The soldier dropped his hand and nodded at Daniel. "You have something to deliver I'm told?"  
  
"Yes, Sir," the man answered before turning back to his team. Daniel had just finished reading the note when he saw three men carrying something rather large, draped in a muslin cloth, into their house. Daniel glanced at the handheld device and frowned for a moment.  
  
"Oh tell me he didn't…" Daniel began, following the men into the house. The object was settled against the fireplace and the men all turned to John. John thanked them and then dismissed them, closing the door behind them as they left. John turned as Daniel removed the sheet from the object and John raised a brow slightly.  
  
"Is that what I think it is?" he asked quietly. Daniel glanced at it and slowly shook his head.  
  
"It's not a Quantum mirror, but damn if it doesn't look just like one." He looked down at the handheld device and turned it over. "There's Ancient writing on the back." John wandered over and glanced down at the device, reading the words written there. It still amazed Daniel at how easy it was for John to read Ancient.   
  
"The path is before you, the choice is yours; be like the wind and move through the forest." John looked over at Daniel who rolled his eyes and shook his head.  
  
"Gotta love those Ancients," Daniel said with a smile. John nodded and gave the device back to Daniel. "How do I turn it on?" As Daniel's hand touched the handheld device, his fingers brushed against John's and the machine came to life. A blue light shot out from the device and into the mirror looking object in front of them. Almost immediately, they could see forms of energy moving through the object.  
  
"I'm guessing those are the Others?" John whispered. Daniel nodded slowly.  
  
"That would make sense," he answered. "It's just like the mirror, only it's a method of Ascension instead of a path to an alternate reality." As Daniel finished speaking, two forms of energy moved closer and reformed into Jack and Rodney.  
  
"Hello, John," Jack said, a gentle smile on his face.  
  
"Hello, Daniel," Rodney said, smiling at Daniel as well. "I see you found the stone."  
  
"Ah, actually Hammond sent it to us," Daniel answered. "How did you know?" Rodney chuckled.  
  
"Who do you think helped him find it?" Daniel smiled as he and John stepped closer. Jack looked at John warily.  
  
"Are you really ready for this?" John nodded slowly, glancing at Daniel who was nodding with him.  
  
"We need to be with our family again, Jack. Please. It's time." Jack nodded and he and Rodney held out their hands towards Daniel and John.  
  
"Then come home," Jack said quietly. John reached out for Jack as Daniel reached for Rodney. There was a flash of light and then John and Daniel found themselves in the arms of their lovers. They turned and saw the empty living room behind them before the image disappeared. Jack held John tightly as Rodney did the same with Daniel.  
  
"Gods we've missed you," Daniel breathed against Rodney's neck. "So damn much." Rodney kissed him gently and stepped back.  
  
"We've missed you, too, love," he whispered softly. Jack stepped back and looked down at John.  
  
"I'm proud of you, babe. So very proud." John smiled softly.  
  
"Thanks, Jack." He looked over at Rodney who smiled at him as well. "Where's the rest of the family?"  
  
"We're here, John." John's eyes widened in surprise and he pushed past Jack to find Cameron standing there with Carson, Lorne and Ronon. John moved, as did Daniel, until they both found themselves being hugged by Cameron. "Welcome home, guys," Cameron whispered softly.  
  
"Thanks, Cam," Daniel whispered. John just held him tighter, not quite able to talk just yet. John kept hold of Cameron but turned his gaze to Ronon.  
  
"When did you…"  
  
"Earlier today," Ronon answered. "It was time." John smiled and nodded.  
  
"Yeah, it was…"  
  
******************************  
  
 _There are so many journeys' that can be taken during this thing called life. There are many roads to map, many paths to choose from. During that journey we meet people along the way; some of them become friends, others enemies, and still others become parts of our hearts and souls. It is a rare gift indeed when you can find a friend and more and have that person remain at your side through life and beyond… It is even more rare when it is one person among many who is the binding for the family, keeping them together through everything no matter how hard it may be.  
  
Ascension didn't change the fact that the family wasn't dead. It didn't change the fact that they would never again have fully solid bodies. To be honest, it didn't change anything except the realization that now all their journey's could be taken together, and that the closing of the door from human life was just the opening of a window into a much larger world filled with enough life and love and adventure to sustain them all for many Millennia to come… It also made them fully aware of the fact that, if Daniel had never met Rodney all those years ago, none of them would have ever become the family they were always meant to be..._

 

 


End file.
